Frogs In The Fog.

We all have times that we have no idea wats going on, but we go with it anyways. sometimes it's for the best and sometimes, it was the worst thing we could of ever done. Everyone gets threw it, sometimes you got to let it be like a frog in the fog. You cant see where its going but its going somewhere.

I feel like for the past couple of years thats how i've been living life. Like a frog in the fog. Not knowing where i'll end up but i'm going somwehere so that was a start. 

Thankfuly i was one of the people that got the better end of the deal. I've been just going with the flow and i cant say its taken me to bad places. My relationship with my kds father i feel like was the main thing i shouldnt have done that with. We were so happy and in love and enjoying life. Then i stopped paying attention to the ittle things that mattered. I figured we were set, we had a place a car and our family was together. At the time thats what mattered to me. 

A lot of you reading this is probably thinking "thats not a bad thing". But it was and you dont realize it unti your sitting alone wondering where you went wrong. After we split i so badly wanted to blame him, i wanted to be his fault why we fell apart. I wanted him to hurt like i was. As much as i wanted to i couldnt.

During the months we were together of course like all relatioships we argued. I was fighting for him to listen to what i had to say and how i felt but yet i wasnt listening to him. He was going threw a lot and didnt know how to handle it. Instead of sitting down and talking to him and helping him threw his stress, i became his stress.

He would come home from work and go outside and sit for hours,  not eat dinner, he would go out and not come homeuntil early in the morning. He started staying out after work, then he started missing work. We argued about him staying out not spending time with the family, argued about all the drinking and the money he was spending while he was out and of course there was thoughts of him cheating. But one thing we didnt argue about was what was really going on with him and how we could fi it. Not just as a couple but as a family.

The fighting got so bad that it finally pushed us apart. He started to talk to someone else, telling me she was just a good friend. I tried so hard to believe him but i knew deep down where this was headed. And i was right. Thats when i got the text that he wanted to talk to me about something important one day while he was out. I didnt know where he was or what he was doing but i knew it wasnt nothing i wanted to know. When he finally came out and admitted that he was talking to someone else and he feels that we should go our separate ways, i'll never forgetting felling my heart drop into my stomach. I wanted to cry and beg him to stay. But as much as i wanted to my brain kept telling me not to. To just go with it.

Not because i didnt love him, i love him to the end of the world and back. The reason i did argue and fight him to stay was because i knew this was coming. I knew this is where all that fighting was coming to, and if this is what made him happy then thats what i had to suffer with. Like a frog in fog i didnt know what was gonna happen after that or where things were headed, all i knew is that i wanted him happy, i wanted him to get out of the funk he was in and become the strong smart man i knew he was. 

If i was the one keeping him in that funk then this is what was needed to be done. We split but in a way we didnt. We still talk  everyday all day, still show love and affection to eachother. We've lived together on and off and hes still helping me raise our kids and get ready fr the one on the way. It hurts that i cant claim him as mine, it hurts having to say good bye instead of good night . It hurts to get thoes one arm huggs instead of the tight long hug. But hes happy. So i'm happy. Seeing him smile and laugh, joke around and just be the amazing person he is. Thats what keeps me going.

We dont talk about getting back together, and i feel like thats whats best. Because talking about it would only bring up awkward moments and hope that didnt need to be crushed. I'm happy with where we are right now. Hes by my side no matter what as i am for him. We are a family, and family sticks together.

We talked and worked threw our problems and we've been taking everything day by day. I feel like that has brought us closer then before. W understand eachother more now, we talking instead of argue and instead of telling eachotherwe're wrong we agree to disagree. we actually listen to eachother.

Like a frog in the fog, i didnt know where this was going.. I dont know where its taking me. But all i know is i'm thankful to be able to say that my family is still together and that their father isnt going anywhere. 

Author's Note

This chapter is kinda all over the place, but the point of it is. Just because something isnt going how you think it should or how you want it to doesnt mean its not going in a good direction. Like a frog in the fog , sometimes you just have to go with it and see where it takes you. Hope you enjoy this chapter.