Me, Myself and I

Told from the point of view of a troubled teenage girl who wants to feel accepted but struggles with an identity crisis. Been meaning to write a poem of more easy-understanding for a while, so enjoy!

I trace the plan
Papers in hand
Isolated, trying to get it right

In the wooden corner
A sinister reflection
Stares back in despise

Once a friendly figure I used to know
And can no longer remember the name...
Just another stranger to me

Looking outside the window,
I can tell it's been months
Since the rain washed away my pride

Rays of light,
The mud is dry

It will crack and break
And leave craters outside
On the ground

I keep blaming myself although
I've been trying to find solutions
To fix my mistakes
But I'm no longer up with that

I'm already aware
That all my dreams will shatter
Like something very fragile
In the hands of a toddler

Why do I insist?
My subconscious tells me lies
And I have no one else to trust
Even my thoughts can't guide me
Through the mist

Those creatures outside
They will just eat me alive
While the ones inside me
Slowly tear me apart

They will desfigure
What is left to be desfigured
Or perhaps
Turn me into someone else?

Either way, they aren't doing me a favor
I trace another plan

This...unhealthy rosy skin...
Begins to fade, becomes lighter everyday

Soon I will feel accepted but
The future remains uncertain

Do I have the right to feel these
Useless sensations?

I've been waiting...and waiting...and waiting...

For an opportunity
To jump off the window
And break like dry clay

If only these strings didn't hold me down...
All I can do for now
Is watch the town...
Burn in the distance

I make sure the smoke goes unnoticed
Blood rushes through my head
So I crawl my way back to bed
And promise to who's ever listening
That I won't change who I am

Who I am...
Who am I?
What am I doing?

I'm just...

Scrubbing the ugly off my face
Making myself pretty as the day
Bloody lips don't swell in vain
Because in beauty there must be pain

...It was worth it
(...Was it really worth it?)

Today I am nobody

And yet
I'm never the same

Author's Note

Tell me what you think so I can improve.

Reviews

[Daniel Towers]

I "feel" the poem as something I've lived. Been there. For me the creatures were those beings I so desperately wanted to be accepted by but whose minds and worlds in which they lived could never belong to me, although I was still "changing" with every little thing I did and said to be more like them, losing myself to something I somehow knew wasn't me. You're poem brought it all back. A good thing, too. Always a good thing to remember how it was and how I was, and who I am now. Thanks.

[Mabel]

Thank you so much for reviewing. I really am glad my poem was able to take you on that journey. Basically what you just described was my main source of inspiration. Little moments in my life were I would be lying to myself and to those around me, sometimes fully aware of that; other parts of the poem were based on people that I know that have been always desperately trying to fit in, to sacrifice themselves whole for other people's acceptance; also people with the actual disorder that have to live under constant stress, and in people in general. Because sometimes we all have to wear those masks. Again, I really appreciated your review.

[Daniel Towers]

It's well deserved. :-)