If I Cared...

I little short story of how my last few years have been.

IF I CARED

If I cared I'd tell you I still have love for you but hate you just as much.

I'd tell you how stupid you are because you know I was the perfect guy for you and managed to destroy that.

I'd tell you how I was physically dying around you and you were too selfish to noticed.

If I Cared this is what i would say...

2013

Things were absolutely perfect. Well for like 6 days. But not counting the first one. You remember right? We shared a passionate kiss. We knew that kiss was one for the books. Nothing will beat that. But let's not forget your first strike.You crying over “him”. That really threw me off.. not enough sadly.

Remember when you first texted him. Or sexted him as we both knew. You told me immediately because you regretted it. I was devastated. Surprisingly you were worse. How could you possibly feel worse right? but you did. I knew that. I forgave you. OH yeah by the way, that was already strike 2.

6 months

Things were good. We were having a LOT of sex at this time. We really got close and started seeing this “forever” but no one said anything yet. You accidentally said the L word. I thought it was adorable. I remember thinking “Wow.. this girl is really falling hard for me. I can’t let this mess up”. But of course, I saw him on your phone. I saw your deleted picture. You guys looked happy. But that's not what I saw. I was instantly filled with rage. it was strike The books says that that was your last chance. It was over. First time I said that we were over. and that's when it started. Your reaction is something I'll never forget. I'll never forget that phone call with your sister. She was scared for your life. You could not bare the thought of me not in your life. So I thought “damn… She really knew she messed up. Maybe this is good. Maybe this will never happen again” Man, that thought made me so happy.

1year

We made it!! One year with you! I loved you to the moon and back haha. remember that time? remember that awesome summer? first time I weighed under 200lbs! Man was I a stud. You just loved to show me off haha You always said how you loved my arms.

I got very close with your family. I even worked with you dad a couple times haha. life was AWESOME!

But than he came home after basic training. Your first test. Lets see how you do.

...

Wow… You failed!? miserably… I saw your messages. You still “loved” him. Whatever that means. This was the start of it all for me

1 year 6 months

I got an office job remember! Everyone was so proud of me. You loved it so much haha. Told everyone “my boyfriend is a graphic designer!” OH and i bought my 2013 Dodge Dart all blacked out. MAN was that car nice. I was gaining weight ..like 50 lbs.. In like a year. But we were not worried about that. You were struggling a lot with your Diabetes. I willingly ate you food so you wouldnt eat too much carbs. I finished your diet cokes you could never. I destroyed my body for the sake of yours. But like i said let's not worry about that now.

(Bare with me. the 2nd year was a blur to me now).

2 years

Two years with you! just as exciting as the first one! but that's literally were it all stops. At this point we were such a couple we didn’t really have friends. I stopped hanging out with everyone mainly because of him but that’s okay. Anything for my baby right? As long as she happy than I'm happy right? No. That's not how I thought. I was selfish a little but it wasn’t bad like yours. I was hoping that if I sacrificed my life to make you happy than you would do the same for me. Boy was I wrong. Too wrong. So wrong I was in denial about. People would tell me “EDWIN she’s with him!” “Edwin she always has him over her house” “edwin she’s cheats on you with him so much” “edwin I heard she fucked him and him and also him!”. But one by one I didn’t believe anyone. Everyone was judging Gaby for her past mistakes. You weren’t like that anymore. Right?

3 years

Not too exciting. I weighed about 300lbs. Sex drive was practically gone. Literally couldn't stay hard for like 2 minutes remember. We were finally concerned for my health but we did nothing about it really. We wanted to go the gym but you were either feeling bad or just wanted to sleep. Its okay though! Anything for my baby. I let you do whatever you wanted and at some point you would make me happy… eventually.. maybe. I still heard the rumors. I even caught you a couple of times with him. But still never believed it. As horrible as you were. You wouldn’t dare to hurt me like that right? Am I going crazy? No. I think I’m sad. No. I think I'm depressed. No. I think I’m miserable…. F**k…… no. Im dying.

3.5 years..

Hell… September 2016. I weighed 330 lbs. Doctor says Im Pre Diabetic and If don’t make some changes i'll be diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. I was a potato. I can’t smile. Maybe my face is too fat. Or I’m that miserable. Im sorry Im just dying. but how are you? Are you okay? Can I help you with anything? Please? Let me help you. Please Please Please Please let me help you. If I help you. I know you’ll help me after. Your my soulmate, My everything. This is what is suppose to happen right? We will get thru this right? Maybe.

The End

I logged in your snap. Its 2am. Had a weird gut filling. I see him again. I saw what you guys were saying to each other. My heart man.... I can’t feel it. I hear it beating very fast. But I can’t feel it.

I think its broken?

What do you think? Remember I drove to your house? crying, sobbing, ..dying. My life was over. I did something I haven’t done before. I asked you to help me. I begged. I asked you if you can make me happy again. I had nothing else in this world but you. Please please please don’t mess this up.

The ACTUAL end

We broken up. Like it was serious this time. Not those bullshit breaks before. Eithert it was bullshit right? We went to San Diego. We wanted to make things work. We wanted to get away from everything and focus on us. And man…. WHAT A TRIP. I SWAM WITH DOLPHINS, WENT TO LEGO WORLD, SAW AN AMAAAAZIING SUNSET, great energy everywhere! This is the happiest I’ve been in years!! Can't wait to go home and fix our relationshi- oh wait?

whats this!? him!? Seriously? Your sending pictures to him?… While.. were… on um.. vacation? really. Hell no.Something felt different this time. This rage in me. It’s giving me strength. My eyes finally opened.

Gaby…. your a monster.

A sick evil manipulative poisoning monster. What did you do to me?

Gaby I've gained 130 lbs in 3 years BECAUSE OF YOU.

I've lost all of my friends BECAUSE OF YOU.

I’m not close with my family BECAUSE OF YOU.

I know why now I though you my everything. Its because i had nothing else left in this world. But that's my fault. No point in crying over you. I cried for years. You can’t make me happy anymore. (technically you never did). Only I ca- Gaby?...

Why did you lock yourself in the bathroom? Damn… can’t handle the truth i guess.

F*****g w***e whatever.

But remember what you texted me? “I’m Sorry”.  2 words. I knew EXACTLY what that meant and you knew I did too. Immediately kicked the door open and saw you.

Your wrist.

The blood.

Reminded me of the first time. Back in 2013 After that 3rd strike. How sad you were. How I wanted to help? See that moment. That was my fault. I shouldn’t have never let you back in. I know now that your problems in life are something I can’t resolve. I can’t sacrifice my happiness for the sake of yours. It's one thing forgiving you for your mistakes, but to put my happiness in health in jeopardy for the sake of yours to only get nothing is return is not good for anyone. I heard stories of crackheads going through withdrawal and for some reason I felt as I could relate. I was addicted to a happiness I was never going to receive with you. Hardest thing I ever had to do, but i finally knew I had to let you go. What an awkward flight back home haha.

AFTERMATH

Aaaaaaaand boy did you put up a fight. You could not let me go. You finally had him to yourself and you just couldn't let me go lmfao. Now you wanted to switch the roles and consider me as “him”. And this “Him” from before had a name now. His name was Mark this time. Nice guy! Great Hair! But I'm not falling for the same cycle gaby.

The fact that you spent Valentine's Day with him and still wanted to spend one with me as well was both hilarious and sickening. I needed you completely out of my life.

The minute you were leaving my life things were getting better, and FAST.

I had my friends back. My family back! It’s December 19th 2017 and I weigh 259 lbs.

CRAZY RIGHT!

Sex drive came back by the way. Met a couple of nice females out there. Was little skeptical at first but I got my game back haha. It's all love tho. People wanted me. People loved me. People look up to me.

I FELT LIKE A KING! I WAS THE S**T YO.

It took me a while to finally realize that. The lesson in all this. Relationships require two people. Two people who know what they want from each other and are committed to build together. The minute you weren’t doing that is the minute I should’ve walked away. MAN did I f**k up haha.

I was too worried about making you happy I completely  forgot about my own happiness. Everything that happened to from you happened because I allowed it.

I can’t rely on someone else for my happiness and self-worth. Only I can be responsible for that. If I can’t love and respect myself, no one else will be able to make that happen. I had to accept who I was.. completely the good and the bad " and make changes as I see fit.

And MAN OH MAN does mark and him and him and him don’t like me now haha. Its okay. I don’t have hate anymore. Thats his problems. Thats Marks problem. I know you want me back in your life in some sort. And the thought of me rejecting that drives you insane. Sometimes. I don’t know if it does anymore.

If I Cared..

Author's Note

My first time writing a story like this. This story has a huge play in the self happiness I have right now. All of 2017

Reviews

[Ace Jaxon]

This shows the break down of a torn relationship, it's a good story non the less. A little harsh at time, but it fits the story well.