6 Sentences on defining a sense for this

I remember the other day when pills were at the top of their effects so the world was in a slow down and seeemed like a peaceful yet boring place to be in; thinking of those chances and the "what if..." game which is among the favourites for those times of leisure and for the people who live out of nothing but not to do anything at all.

I was like that the other day.

In a sudden impulse to make that "break of the world" (which is not a break at all since I'm supposed to be under treatment) I decided to empty 2 bottles of the shelf and then maybe, and just maybe since I don't know where I'd stand after making substances cocktail, go out and see the world in the other perspectives, colours and angles which is not the usual way; alteration of the reactions to see if being this way I'd be able to find some sense in this utter crap humankind has been building since they got aborted of Nature's order and out of this resentment sent their challenge to the Mother of all mothers, the challenge of having her at their mercy (a very daring and stupid movement from their part if you ask me) but forgetting that in this defiance act they would be affected too, so in this crazy race they've been having for the last 50 years nothing has grown but the decay of everything and becoming more and more artificial reaching to the point that my son is myself and then sending to a stupid war (not that there's a justified [by full right] war at all) attending to the propaganda and wash-brain ideas the leaders "I trust in" tell me so by this they can attend the big and only important matter in this horrid war: $.

But hell, I wanted to feel something.

So convicing myself of the obvious action, I stood up and walked towards the shelf drinking the 2 bottles in less than an hour, and it wasn't pleasant yet the strong liquid going down my throath gave something to all the dumb that conforms "me" but if we wanted to fo in deeper meaning for the being I'd need something stronger (to take, to feel, to live) to reach this concept, the concept of every single thing humanity, nature and universe need just for the sake of being; an important task no doubt about that and it is that not every man (built from the arrogance motto of "I understand, I know, you don't, therefore I can do it" [this is a very elitist way that I loathe with my entire life and makes me puke everytime I see it being put in action in front of me]) can do such a task or so they think but honest; if we were so keen on achieving such difficult task nothing would be needed but to understand in the plainest meaning of the word and to feel so by feeling and understanding we could cath the "being" in the middle of its flight and that would be such a glorious and crucial point for knowledge and humanity but no one would be so shocked and amazed by this but the discoverer humself (Goddamn the sexism of language and human logic, who can predict it will be a "man" [misused way of terms, noted for the retarded mentality and ancient assumptions that we carry in our societies pretending to think that for being a man you need to have a dick] the one who will have such honour on holding the entire everything on just one word) because after yhis maybe nothing of the previous constructions will be needed now; neither science nor philosophy not even God (the guy who held the hopes, expectations and fears of humanity since the beginning of the days) when this happens, I don't know what it will be like.

But that's not happening today, so I picked up the keys and left for the world in the afternoon of that day.

Author's Note

Ok so this is an experiment I did the other day, 6 sentences and trying to struggle with such a bitch as it is the existance itself. Sorry if is hard to read didn't mean to make it this hard.