A narcissists meaningless love.

A true story of my dealing with a family narcissist.

A narcissists meaningless love.

This is a true story as is all my writing thus far. I have no reason, nor need, nor ability to create any stories of fiction.

As a young man in my twenties and early thirties, I worked in Construction during the day and attended University a few nights a week and some courses on Saturday. I also did part-time technology support.

I was on one day, at the home of my mother and had been mowing the lawn of her small suburban home during a ninety plus, degree day. The economy didn’t seem too great at the time, as I had to struggle working overtime to make ends meet and pay for university tuition, books and rent for the small apartment that I lived in.

I had already long known and had been warned about a relative of mine who was not someone to be trusted. She had for several years a few scams going on with the welfare assistance program. She would use a technique that was known as Doctor shopping. Telling each one of the doctors that she saw, that she felt depressed or nervous. 

This was all paid for by “Aid to Families with Dependent Children” (AFDC) and it was prior to the Welfare reform act. Anyway, the pills that she received were predominantly a tranquillizer known as Valium and she discovered quickly that there was a market for these pills with people that frequented bars and nightclubs in the city, and with constantly refillable prescription at no personal financial cost to her, she went to work as a barmaid, working as they say “under the table’ and off the books at a widely known “Country and Western” music style bar in the city of Pawtucket in the state of Rhode Island. 

A person if known by other people there and known not to be connected to law enforcement could order a drink and a few pills and have them brought right to their table.

Another scam that she used several times was slip and fall. She would have a convenient fall at a friend’s apartment house building on the steps or have one of her children go to the next aisle over in whichever grocery store she was in and open a vegetable oil container and spread the oil on the floor and then she would fall down and in either case, call her regular attorney.

I believe most of her victims settled out of court. Sometimes after several months of negotiating with insurance companies of her victims by her attorney. I remember when seeing her drive up with a brand-new Chevrolet Camaro, thinking I that I must be doing something wrong, as I worked every day and my car was a good ten years old and broke down on a regular basis.

Anyway, back to the event. I was still outside and taking a break from my labor as the heat was fairly intense and I was asked by her, to borrow some money, as in her words she didn’t have enough money to pay for groceries for her and her one child that was still living at home with her and I agreed.

I am convinced that she had a classic case of narcissistic personality as narcissists enjoy being around people that they can use and bring them the things that they want and at that time in my life, I would have been considered gullible and easily manipulated.

I then went into the house for a cold drink and I told my mother that I had to make a phone call and I mentioned to her that I had to go get some cash later, from the ATM to lend to that particular relative, as she needed it to get by that month. This caused my mother to blurt out and exclaim to me and rhetorically ask me the question “How stupid are you? She doesn’t need your money for groceries. She is only going to go to the Greyhound Park to gamble, and you know that you will never see that money again”. It was true that I had lent her money in the past and was never paid back. I suppose that I was thinking more of her child than her when I agreed to lend her the money.

Soon the relative had entered my mother’s home and was immediately confronted by my mother about attempting to borrow money from me and the two of them arguing about it while I was on the telephone. I then, feeling stressed out beyond my limit, yelled out loud. I am not lending anyone, any money. That statement was met with all manner of derogatory remarks directed at me by this relative of mine and at the same time I was being defended by my mother, and I was now completely stressed out from a combination of the physical labor, the heat and listening to the barrage of insults and I slammed the telephone receiver down onto the counter top which I was unaware of and later told, bounced up and struck this relative in one of her chins. (She was immensely overweight).

I left immediately after slamming the telephone receiver and went home, feeling completely worn out. About a half hour later, I received a phone call from the local police telling me that I have to go into the police station and answer about an assault claim. I was dumfounded but went. After some talking by one of the police officers there, I was issued a summons to go to court. I did indeed go to court a few weeks later.

I had to take time out from work which cost me money and I had to pay a hundred dollar fine. This relative of mine, who, thought much more of her lazy and addiction filled, lifestyle, than any of her relatives and in her later years she would steal much more money from myself and her other immediate relatives in the name of her gambling and food addiction’s.

If you have a relative or acquaintance that exhibits this type of behavior, I would recommend removing them from your life as soon as humanly possible. You will not do them any good at all by being an enabler. Not long before the end of her life, most of her relatives did just that, but not before she caused much stress and unhappiness to everyone in her family over several years.

 

 

Rev Edward McClelland 03-02-2023