I'm Afraid

The Motion

I'm afraid I will not be successful

I'm afraid of reincarnation

I'm afraid of society

I'm afraid of commitment

I'm afraid to fully trust someone

I'm afraid of being Unaccepted 

I'm afraid of people closest to me leaving me behind

I'm afraid of losing the people closest to me

I'm afraid of being forgotten

I'm afraid of the afterlife not being what I'm imagining

I'm afraid of pain

I'm afraid of being stuck at a job I never wanted

I'm afraid of my idols not being remembered forever

I'm afraid I will never be good enough to stand out forever

I'm afraid I might not ever be immortalized

I'm afraid that I love you but you love me not...

Author's Note

All Me

Reviews

[NotaBene]

I love this, brutally honest.
I can understand the reasoning behind each and every fear.
Reincarnation has always been one of my fears as well, I think I would rather there be nothing to be reincarnated... yet there is that tiny glimmer of hope for a second chance.
I think these are fears that every human experiences throughout their lives. I believe one of the scariest things we all have to go through is our lives not turning out the way we wanted them to are living up to our expectations. Good write!

[Jack Kennedy]

Thank you for the review! The reincarnation thing to me is very scary for some reason...
Take Care

[Barbara Kasey Smith]

Jack a writer cannot be afraid - they must step out and if they fail at writing they repeat, repeat until it begins to come easy for them - I may be different in my belief's but I have God on my side and when I have fears, I give them to him and step forward without fear of failure. This is a nice poem but I'd reconstruct it to be more compelling and not so "telling" let us see on the paper your feelings of total fear of life in general. Have "faith" in yourself and you'll sow seeds of beautiful writing.

[Girl With A Pen]

You share your feelings so flawlessly. I have to admit you even captured some of my own fears in this poem. Truth is, we all fear something, but in the end that's kind of a wonderful thing. If we didn't have fears, then we wouldn't have the guts to face them

[Jack Kennedy]

Thank you so much for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed this :)

[Emma Olsen]

I know the feeling, unfortunately. )= I suppose life is what it is - a means of our souls learning and growing. So long as you learn the lessons you need in order to grow, you succeed. At least, that's how I see it.
Nusquam Esse had a good point that I was going to bring up: this sounds very much like a list. I'd like a little more thought to go into the placement of these, whatever thought process that is. The organization isn't working for me - it's not building to something striking and powerful right now, you know? Even though your message is poignant and moving. It seems you have a number of concerns, but some focus on which of these concerns is primary (in this poem) and which build into each other would be a vital consideration. Try to stack these so that each concern seems like a progression rather than a collection.

In terms of individual lines, I think I recommended looking over poetic devices before, but if I didn't I'd highlight that suggestion as a way to improve future work and to edit this into something more persuasive. Your repetition is effective, but I'm not sure that the language feels considered to me. Some metaphors and similes might improve this, especially as the poem lacks in imagery. Great poets generally know how to tie outer images with inner feelings, and right now this is honest but doesn't resonate on that level that really makes me want to immerse myself in the poem again and again. A larger metaphor might also help in terms of unity for your poem - using an image or object as a conceptual device which is evoked again and again in order to drive a comparison and elicit an emotional response. Maya Angelou does this in 'Caged Bird' to good effect, just to give you an example: http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/178948
I believe you should maintain the structure of this, but I think incorporating some imagery of some kind will greatly improve this and help drive your point. This sounds like a first draft to me, not a piece in which every word has been chosen in order to help drive to a larger point. Some focus on word choice specifically to craft a mood and tone would also be beneficial, I think. The repetition is doing some work toward that, but I'm not sure that your secondary sections are supporting that work. For instance: "I'm afraid of being stuck at a job I never wanted" could be phrased more to dread that experience: "I'm afraid of being trapped in a desk job, a hamster in the corporate wheel." See how I tried to cultivate that feeling? Obviously, use your own words, but maybe some more specificity on these fears might help make the poem feel more connected and personal, instead of a general collection. Telling me what job you'd fear the most, for instance, reveals a bit more about your specific fears and helps ground the poem more. Your verb choice, too, is very important. Verbs drive the action, so they should be interesting - try to avoid: is, was, have, has, had, do, does, did, seems, and feels. If you can use another, more powerful, verb in their place, do it. 'Screech' is more effective and descriptive than 'yell,' you know? If you can master the use of effective verbs your poems will improve immensely. Your honesty and plain language make this poem accessible, but I think that you can improve the impact and still maintain that accessibility.
I'd suggest, too, trying to avoid general language and instead trying to make it more specific. For instance, 'society.' What parts of society? Why? Pulling apart your larger words might help expand the poem and improve your imagery. General words: reincarnation, society, commitment, trust, unaccepted, 'leaving me behind' (what does that mean to you?), afterlife (what do you imagine it to be, etc.), pain, being 'good enough.' Some of these may seem obvious to you, but their significance is not necessarily immediately obvious to an outsider. For instance, most of us want to avoid pain, yes, but exploring what pain you've felt and why you want to avoid it might make this more compelling, you know? What do these things mean to you? Why are you afraid of them?
I know a lot of songs try to include generalized language to appeal to a broader audience, but most of the rappers you list in your profile also try to include their personal experiences into their music. I'd suggest at least exploring the avenue of trying to personalize work. Your individual voice is important, you know? You're expressing yourself here, but I feel like you're trying to touch on problems we all experience without going into why these problems affect or scare you. You can make your problems universal while still retaining their individuality. I harken back to my example above, where I listed a desk job as being a fear rather than just a 'job.' People can extrapolate an individual experience into a wider problem that impacts them. From what I've seen of your work, you seem to favor generalities, but being a great writer isn't about appealing to the widest base possible, it's about writing your life experience in a way that bares your problems but allows others to empathize with them as if they'd experienced them themselves.

A few specific line comments:
"I'm afraid of being Unaccepted" Do you mean not being accepted in the first place or having others acceptance of you disappear? 'Unaccepted' suggests the latter, but I suspect it's the former, so I thought I'd point it out just in case.
"I'm afraid of people closest to me leaving me behind/I'm afraid of losing the people closest to me" I'm not sure that the distinction between these two is adequate enough to justify including them both? Maybe expand these more for specific concerns, as said above.
"I'm afraid of pain" looks a bit out of place so far into the poem since it's so short and the poem generally seems to expand as it goes on. I'd suggest moving it, or eliminating it in favor of a more specific experience which lets me understand your world view.
"I'm afraid of society" On another read-through, I'm not sure this line is working in the larger context of the poem for me without some explanation as to how it ties into to the other listed fears. (Maybe it's something to do with being stuck at a job? Cultural roles, scripts, and expectations?)

Keep at it!

[Nusquam Esse]

The theme here is genuine and real; but I think the presentation can be improved. As it is, it feels like you just compiled a 'shopping list' of fears, so it lacks the power that proper presentation could carry. My recommendation, is to structure it in a way that shows the contradiction in fears, and really show the uncertainty that comes with fears which lack tangibility.
As just an example,

I’m afraid of society
I’m afraid of not being accepted
I’m afraid of losing those I loved
I’m afraid of being forgotten
I’m afraid to fully trust others
I’m afraid to lose those I never trusted
I’m afraid to love you
I’m afraid you love me not.

[Luna Zerimar]

All you?

This seems like you're pointing all my fears as well. That's hard to do!

I love the repetition as well.

[Jack Kennedy]

Thank you very much for the review and yep that's all me! :)

[ms. barrie]

I also enjoy the repetition you used, it adds impact.

Compelling in it's honesty...Very relatable.
Everyone has their own fears that inevitably we all
Have to face...(conquer them.)
head on. Much easier said
Than done, I know! Especially the last line.

Thank you for sharing! :)

[Jack Kennedy]

Thank you for reviewing :) I'm very glad you liked it!

[ms. barrie]

You're very welcome :)

[NoelHC]

I am a fan of repetition, so this caught my attention. Well written. That last line, that may well be the greatest fear of everyone.

[Jack Kennedy]

Thanks for reviewing my poem! It is very much appreciated and I hope to hear from you again soon

[Coyote Poetry]

Very good use of repetition. I like the Hemingway view on life. Don't worry about what we can't do. Do what we can and find pleasure in what we do. I like the want and the fear of not knowing success. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Jack Kennedy]

Thanks for the review, it means a lot! Thanks again

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome. I have a week off. I will come back and read more tonight.

[Jack Kennedy]

That's so awesome! I will see you then

[kitty cat]

lovely peom, i love it, it sounds so true

[Jack Kennedy]

Thank you!

[kitty cat]

your most welcome

[gabrielle]

the direct to the point approach is very effective. indeed, we all have our own fears.

[Jack Kennedy]

Thank you for the review and yes we all do! Thanks again