Another Victim

Not scary just slightly gruemsome

It's pitch black in here

All I can see through this mask is her fears

I touch her so soft and sincere 

This job and your skin i revere

You beg and plead but you won't succeed 

I make a small incision and you start to bleed

The pain and agony on your face I can read

Nip and tuck but not for a big buck

I do this to collect another prize

In scalping and skinning I get a rise

Should I keep your face's skin or not I cannot decide

But those teeth I cannot deny

I rip them out as you beg in pain

Grab the hammer and bash In your brain

I knew since I was twelve I was mentally insane

I cut your head off and put it in my trophy case

Now your soul remains forever in this dark dank place

Author's Note

1-10 RATE IT!!!

Reviews

[Jennie Baron]

Okay, let's get some of the grammar punctuation things out of the way.
In line 3, as I understand it a comma after "but" is optional.
Definitely capitalize "I" in line 4. Again the comma after "skin" is optional.
In line 5 "beg" and "plead" are both present tense.
"I make a small incision and you start to bleed" and similar constructions are not run-on sentences. If they were two independent sentences not connected by a conjunction like "and," they would be. You may place a comma before the "and" for a pause, or take out the "and," in which case you have a run-on and the two sentences must be separated by a period.
You do also have a change in point of view that should be fixed, as pointed out below.
Those things said, I think you have a very interesting concept here that is extremely creepy, and that's what makes it good.

[Jack Kennedy]

I was trying to make the guy talking kind of sporadic so it could tell how crazy he is.
Thanks for the help on this I really needed it and do you think I captured the nonsensical thoughts of the narrator well?

[Jennie Baron]

Yes, I think you did, quite well.

[Andrew Perez]

Very impressive! Great imagery!

[Jack Kennedy]

Thanks for the reviews more coming up in due time!!!!

[just Penny]

Definitely a 10 on the gruesome scale. Twisted poetry at it's finest with graphic dark images that will make sure I dont sleep well tonight ! Cook dinner much ? :) eeeekkkk......

[Jack Kennedy]

I do cook but I wouldn't say I'm a chef... And I'm glad you're liking my material!! THANK YOU for being a great writer and reviewer!!! :) :)

[just Penny]

Was thinking Hannibal Leckter must have written this one :)