Sorrow in Pain

                           My heart shreds,

                                    as I lay there crying,

                            holding and clutching the heart,

                                that I have crushed long ago.

 

                                     Tears are turning black,

 my life has been over, 

     but will I be back

   or commit suicide? 

 

      I grasped the pain,

                                      I went and took my razor.

                                    There is a new kind of pain,

 which was on the outside.

 

                                    The cut my arms bleeding,

   don't even care if I die.

   There is no more, pain...

   ... or blood in my body...

 

           I was still alive,

        I grabbed my rabbit.

               I clutched it,

   as I bleed in a pool of blood.

 

Author's Note

when i made this, my heart was crushed through betrayal of a friend

Reviews

[DaGirlNxtDoor]

WOW!!! i think i.....wow...it moved me sooooo much....im at the point of crying....good job

[Aria]

emotionally and visually this is a good piece. Your imagery works well and the message gets sent loud and clear. On a technical note though, in the first stanza you repeat the word 'heart' and it doesn't help the flow of the piece and in the third and fourth stanzas, you repeat the word 'pain' about three times. I think it would help if you used a different synonym for that word. The repetition of it disrupts the flow. But, this is your piece, and if youre happy with it then that's all that matters. Just putting in my two cents. Other than that, this was really well executed.

[Alana]

this is a very emotional poem and i can see where you are coming from. it shows your emotion quite well. good job

[Martina]

Great really shows pain and suffering i like it alot

[Emmy]

-chinese sounding- Ohhhhhhhhhhh. ;)