thoughts untold

I wrote this one night when I was alone and depressed.

Indefinite stare of an eclipsing glare finds like signs within my fairly evil stare.

But, with the hope of love in my heart and the will to splice apart the darkness within.

How can I gain nothing but still be alive to push away the which that joins the fray.

It is this indifferent mindset that stands to obliterate the light I stand to create.

So I lay in a bed not mine, and listen to the wonderful courses of inept catastrophe.

In the end every breath I take is another mistake in your eyes,

and every step I take is another to date in my life.

Though I push those thoughts away so I might die.

Author's Note

Please ignore all grammar and spelling issues.

Reviews

[Jade]

depression sucks, like your work

[Edward]

Well thank you for the feedback can you possibly tell me why it sucks so i can fix it later in my other writings?

[suedama]

is "your eyes" referring to yourself? Awesome poem by the way

[Edward]

No i'm afraid its not. what it's referring to is love/relationships lost on behalf of the other person.

[suedama]

gotcha, I think it is important, however, to look at the unintentional alternate meanings of your words, can be very revealing

[Edward]

Thanks much for those words of wisdom.

[M Edward H]

I have found depression and anger to be potent muses. You overtly convey your mood and subtlety, almost surreptitiously reveal your desire for requited love. The poetry is moving and evocative.

[Edward]

Thank you very much for your review. I enjoy the feedback.

[authorised1960]

The glaring mistake in your work is the use of the word 'splice', especially in the context you intended it. 'Splice' means to join together, the exact opposite of your intended use...

Other than that, an interesting, if somewhat depressing, poem.

[Edward]

your completely right my finger must have slipped and i missed it in my review thank you very much for catching it.

[Tori Jones]

I like the way you captured the emotions of the moment...very inspiring, I can feel the loneliness...

[Edward]

thank you and yes I was lonely when writing this.