Fostering hope

A Foster Home is what they say
But what kind of home can just be ripped away
How can parental rights just stay
With someone who just wanted to be a parent for a day
A loving family isn't just a part you play
It's something done in a special way
Some just don't understand, bringing much pain in May
Causing love to be the thing they betray
Turning many children into prey
Of false hope and dismay
Some just end up as castaways
But this pain isn't always what you pay
Sometimes life doesn't turn grey
Sometimes love is displayed
Sometimes everything ends okay
Maybe we'll all get there someday

Reviews

[Lena]

I love this. It is inspiring. It reminds me of Jeremiah 29:11. KEEP HOPE ALIVE

[JayG]

For sentiment, an A+. For execution...not quite.

You need to look into prosody, because that's all over the place, and there are spots where deleting an unnecessary word would improve things.

For example, you say,

"With someone who just wanted to be a parent for a day"

It reads to much like a tongue-twister. And I think you may have missed the target. Anyone who does what you say this mother did doesn't "want" to be a parent at all. So presenting it as if the person said, "I think I'll carry a child for nine months to see what giving birth is like, then give it away" isn't all that accurate a picture.

And, what function does the word "just" play in this and the previous line? Would removing it change anything? No. So you could reduce this line to something like:
- - - -
With one labeled "mother" for a only day
- - - -
I used the word "labeled" to show that the title mother is applicable only in the sense that the paperwork lists it that way.

You may have made a mistake with the decision to lock yourself into an AAAA... structure, because it often forces the line to the rhyme, rather than providing the perfect word for the thought, one that just "happens" to rhyme. And at times, such an approach forces that's come to be known as "Yoda Speak."

[Alem]

Good JOB! KEEP on improving!

[WoodenChair]

pleasantly surprised! not a bad poem you've written 100 points!

[Eden-Rose]

Ummm thank you!