Captain Gregory

A short myth on the origin of the doughnut hole.

Captain Gregory, like all great captains (and, for that matter, all great men), had a mother. It so happened that Captain Gregory’s mother was revered throughout the land for her culinary prowess. People rode for miles and miles to her modest home, all with one request: To taste the nutmeg-y deliciousness that were Mrs. Gregory’s dough-nuts.

Now, as Captain Gregory steered his ship on the high seas, eating one of his mother’s delicacies, a storm grew over the horizon. Large black clouds formed above him, threatening him with angry punches of thunder. Rain pelted the deck in clumps, and without the use of both hands, Captain Gregory was woefully unable to control his ship.

In a gust of motion, he slammed the dough-nut onto the spoke of the wheel, punching the nuts out of the center. With that one fateful motion, he created history: He had created the world’s first doughnut hole.

And then, in the torrential downpour and waves that made war with his ship, he lost control. The wheel slipped from his grip with a grand rocking of the ship, and spun around, flinging the historical doughnut into the ocean.