Chapter Two: Funeral

 I stared down at the two shiny black coffins resting before me, their doors closed and firmly sealed shut upon my instruction. I didn't want to be haunted by the memory of their charred flesh, and of the black and white skin serving as a reminder of how I had failed. Nor did I wish to see those pained looks upon their faces as they attempted to scream for help.

Those were memories I wished to be free from.

The sun was rising on the horizon, lighting up the clearing I had asked the funeral-workers to place them. It was a tranquil place, and a place I had visited not more than a few hours ago. Back when the world had made sense and lives hadn't been lost in such a ghastly manner.

We were surrounded by trees of all shapes and sizes. Each and every leaf which happened to sweep under my gaze was lit up in emerald green, the rays of the sun projecting an other-worldly glow into the clearing. The blades of grass with which we stood on were glowing like a halo, everything perfect and serene - the way my parents would have wanted it to be.

A slight gust of wind blew carelessly across the procession, and I sniffed in the fresh morning's breeze. For me, it was the first sign of life. For my parents, it was the first thing they would miss.

A fresh morning's breeze still contains the crying of the angels, murmured Mother. She had often told me about the angel's voices; heavenly sweet and as pure as the finest silk. They were God's gift to the world, and only those of pure heart could hear them.

"If you listen real close, you can almost hear them," I mumbled, smiling slightly at the memory, my voice almost possessing the same earnesty that my mother had had. Whether or not she had been lying to me, I would never know.

Beside me was Jane, my ever faithful best friend in all her glory. She wore a plain white dress which went down to just above her knees, carefully accentuating her curvaceous body. Her red hair elegantly cascaded down her back in beautiful little curls, and I remembered that Father had often tugged on Jane's hair, kindly stating how rosy and Elvin-like she looked. Jane was always gracious and had spent many days just politely agreeing with him, providing him with what he wanted to hear.

She was as much a part of my family as Kiera had once been.

Kiera.

The word sent glass shards through my skin, penetrating many layers I had drawn around my body, and drawing my ruby blood. It shone in the light as each droplet of blood collapsed to the ground, lost from sight. Her name was like a poisonous venom injected into my skin, the snake's bite lethal upon contact. The venom raced about my veins and further harmed me where the shards of glass had only disturbed me.

My back straightened ever so slightly, and I stiffened in place. Kiera should have been here with me, holding my left arm and clinging to me like a distraught sister ought to. Yet she wasn't here, and she never would be. My sister had left my side a great many years back, when being an adult was a crime, and behaving badly was a law.

I had only been ten when she had passed away. Even then, I hadn't fully comprehended the sheer amount of power I held safely locked inside of me. I supposed I should have been grateful for that small issue. But I wasn't. In fact - I was mad at myself for not having delved deeper and researched into the matter. My failure to be the responsible one had resulted in her untimely death, and my alteration.

Jane tugged on my arm, and I looked over to her. Her green eyes were brimming with unshed tears, her rose-petal pink lips quivering ever so slightly as she held onto what little self control she had left.

"It's going to be alright," I said firmly but reassuringly. I plastered a fake smile on my face, one which felt tight and uncomfortable on my face - like someone had taped my mouth over and was forcing me to smile. The effect was less than comfortable.

Outside I knew I looked fine - the mask I wore as a barrier to prevent intruders from discerning what I truly felt working perfectly. But inside I was a wreck. With every delicate beat of my heart, a crack would form inside the muscle, burning flesh and blood. With every agonised breath I gave, I felt a little more of my sanity fade. And with every lie I told to my friends and neighbours so as to deflect their enquiring gazes, the void was growing larger and larger, consuming my ability to show emotion.

I was becoming numb, I was sure of it. It was becoming harder and harder to remember how to laugh or to smile, or to show any positive emotion other than a small curl of the lip. But that could have been any number of things; a sneer, a grimace...perhaps even a frown.

Jane attempted to show me a smile, but amongst the wobbling of her lower lip and the tears forming in her eyes, I knew it was impossible.

I was called up to say a few words out of respect, and I bowed my head as I walked, what felt like a thousand feet, towards the podium. My eyes brimmed with more unshed tears, and they overflowed from my eyes, pouring down my pale cheeks and dripping onto the grassy floor below. Every step I made towards the two coffins, and the podium placed beside them, felt like a mile of walking. My body was aching all over, and there was no real motivation to pay my respects or to speak. I just wanted to run away and flee from this place of mourning.

My hands shakily came to rest upon the wood of the podium, and I sniffed hesitantly, glancing over towards my supportive Jane. She gave me an encouraging nod, and blew her nose in a tissue, her eyes red and puffy around the rims.

I looked out towards the crowd of people anticipating my speech, and felt my mind go blank. What could I possibly have to say that would ease my pain and everyone else's? What could possibly make this feel right?

Silence fell over the crowd as they hushed to a dying whisper, every eye set wholly on me. A shiver rippled down my spine, and a burning need to collapse rose up. No one knew about the incident which had occurred during my attempt to save my parents. No one knew about how close I had come to greeting death, and how I had entered a world only identified as a spirit realm.

Such secrets were better left untold.

My head craned up towards the blue expanse of sky before me, and I inhaled the crisp morning air. Everyone was waiting expectantly for my speech - waiting for me to say something to ease their suffering and make this day better than it was turning out to be.

I hadn't prepared anything simply because I hadn't anticipated this ever occurring. When the phone-call had been made, and I was alerted of the tragedy, what could I do but break down and cry? My heart had shattered into thousands of tiny fragments, each echo of me burning with anger and pain.

Nothing could fill the void rapidly consuming my heart and soul. I was slipping out of reality and fading - just like that song.

I shakily inhaled the cold morning's air, looked out to the people gathered here today, and said, "There's not much for me to say, really. What could make this nightmare any better? We lost two great friends yesterday. I lost my wonderful parents, and those of you who were fortunate to know my parents for longer will have lost two childhood friends. Neither of them deserved to die, yet they did. Not because their lives were horrible, or because they had done wrong. For no reason at all, their souls were claimed by the fire." More tears broke free from my eyes, and trailed down my cheeks. A choked sob left my lips, and I wiped at my eyes, desperately attempting to maintain a cool composure. Now was not the time to weep. I had to make this right. For myself, and for everyone else.

"My parents had led beautiful lives. They had made friends from all around, seen places we can only dream of, and raised two children. One was unfortunate enough to pass away at a young age, and yet my parents were still strong enough to plough on ahead. Life was rapidly passing, but not a day went by that they didn't make the most of it.

"Regrets? They didn't have any. Wishes? All of them had been granted. Goals? All achieved.

"They made the most of this life. So perhaps it was their time to go. Perhaps there is another adventure lying in wait for them, because death is just one unknown journey. We're all going to reach it, but my parents got there first." I sniffed and paused to wipe at my eyes, my lower lip quivering with the pain washing over me. It hurt to know I had lost my parents in a fire. It hurt to know that I would never be sharing another Christmas with them, and that neither of them had managed to see me walk down the aisle.

So many dreams and notions had been cast away, leaving me wandering amongst the sea. The waves were tossing me about. Over and under I went, thrashing and kicking with all my might, wishing that I could somehow reverse their fate and revive them.

But there were some things none of us could do. One miracle I could do was rendered useless at this current time. I knew it was wrong to bring them back after the pain and suffering they had endured. Maybe they were happy and at peace now.

Maybe it was time for me to move on.

I focused on the teary faces of my neighbours, and I continued. "My point is: We shouldn't be mourning for their loss. They didn't die in vain! They wouldn't have wanted us to cry or to be sad for their passing. They would have laughed and told us to grow up and act our age; to remember that while we're still young, we need to celebrate their passing as two lives moving on to a better place. So let's not cry. Let's not give in to our frustrations, and for just once in our lives act the way we're told to.

"Do it for my parents. Do it for everyone else we've lost. And above all else - do it because we can."

There was a brief lapse in murmuring amongst the crowd, and I anxiously looked over to Jane. There were tears streaming down her cheeks, and her skin looked raw and crimson from the many times she had angrily swiped at those droplets. A smile was on her face, her pretty pink lips curved upwards into one full of adoration and relief - like she had expected something less from me.

"Well done," mouthed Jane, her lips moving a little too large to be normal. I smiled all the same, and bowed my head, looking down at my hands clasped on the wooden podium, like I was afraid of the crowd's reaction.

Did their reactions even matter? I had lost my parents; the only connection to my past, and yet I was still anxious about what everyone else thought. It didn't matter about what they thought. My parents would have wanted to know that I was alright - that this hadn't gone to my head and mentally damaged me in some way. Kiera and I had had a very strong bond, and when she had passed, Mother and Father had been the ones to take over her role and save me from myself.

After a few more hesitant seconds the crowd stood up and began to clap, tears streaming down their cheeks and proud smiles adorning their faces. A range of different eyes and faces turned to greet me, smiles all around and joyous laughter filling the once morose atmosphere. They were all in agreement with me, and were all prepared to forget about the tragedy of the fire and celebrate the successful lives of those who had passed.

Some people would have called us crazy and said we should have paid our respects through mourning their deaths. But I didn't want that. My heart had shattered into a thousand tiny pieces, and each shard penetrated my usually strong layer of skin, causing blood to drip from each fatal wound. I was bleeding on the inside, and though no one could ever have known that, I was willing to put on the facade anyway - for their benefit.

This was our way of paying our respect. We were remembering all everyone had achieved, and we were celebrating that. Mother had often called this a Wake, where people celebrated the deceased's lives. She said that rather than mourn for their loss, people would look back on all they had achieved and celebrate their long lives.

People clustered together as the procession ended, and a low hum of activity fell over the audience. I stepped away from the podium and found myself drifting over to the two black coffins, each one polished to perfection. The corners of my lips quirked up into a small, fragile smile, and one hand traced a line across each of the coffins. Mother wouldn't have wanted a single stain on the surface, and had she found one...well, there would be Hell to pay.

"Mother, I miss you," I murmured, so low that no one would hear me. I didn't want to ruin the new, cheerful atmosphere hanging over the people. They deserved this.

A single tear trailed down my cheek and splattered onto Mother's coffin lid. It was a small little puddle which broke into smaller puddles, each one holding a reflection of my face. I looked down at the droplets, and realised that the girl peering through at me didn't look like me at all. There was such agony on her face, her eyes emotionless and holding pain in their depths. Her skin was pale and almost ghostly in contrast to Jane's. But the most noticeable thing about her was how her face was twisted into a grimace. I hadn't noticed it before, but it was certainly there.

"How are you feeling?" sounded Jane's anxious voice from behind me.

I jumped and turned to face her, all trace of the tears gone. I attempted a smile, but wasn't sure how it turned out - I felt wrong all over; like nothing was willing to fit properly and do what I wanted. "I'm fine," I whispered, my voice too weak to even speak above a whisper.

Jane's face turned softer and more sympathetic. Her emerald green eyes shone with an emotion I wasn't capable of identifying, and her entire being radiated a warmth I desired. She looked peaceful as she stood before me, perhaps happier knowing that my parents were at peace.

Why could she be happy and not me?

"Everyone looks happier now that you've said your speech," she said kindly, gesturing to all the people animatedly talking amongst one another. The clearing looked brighter with all those cheerful faces, and I wished I could share in their relief.

I gave a small nod and glanced over to the edge of the trees. They surrounded us in a wide circle, and as I focused on one particular spot, I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. My body stiffened in response to this sensation, and it felt almost as if there were eyes watching me constantly.

A painful red hot feeling coursed through my veins, singeing me on the inside. My eyes anxiously darted amongst the trees, frantically searching for the source of my disturbance. I didn't like how exposed I suddenly felt. Too many gaps filled this space, and it would be easy for someone to interrupt this quiet little event and ruin it.

"Terra?" Jane's voice was like a bucket of cold water to my sleeping body, jerking me out of my trance-like state and causing a wave of fear to wash over me.

Where had that feeling come from? I had never felt so...exposed or aware of something otherworldly lurking just outside of my view. It was almost like my body had sensed the presence of something unnatural and immediately considered it a threat.

A shiver rippled down my spine, and I turned to look at Jane. Her eyes were narrowed in confusion, one hand hovering just a few inches from making contact with my arm. She withdrew her hand and tucked it by her side, the look of confusion still set on her face.

"Sorry," I apologised, smiling sheepishly. "I must have been daydreaming again."

Jane eyed me warily. "I didn't know you were capable of looking so dangerous, Terra," she replied.

My brows furrowed together in surprise. "What are you talking about?"

She shook her head. "Nothing. I don't know what I'm saying right now. It's just-" She smiled and shook her head again, as if battling her own thoughts. Her eyes connected with mine and the confusion was gone, replaced by a wave of calm. "Don't worry - I think I'm just tired."

I gave a slow nod, not truly believing her. "Alright. Perhaps you should retire for the day, then. I know the loss has been hard for you."

"Not as hard as it's been for you," she responded, yawning. It only confirmed my notion that she hadn't slept very well last night. After all the stress of the previous day, I knew she wasn't well-equipped to deal with drama and loss. Jane was one of those precious people who was as strong and beautiful as a diamond, and yet when the stress continued to pile up, they cracked under the pressure.

I shrugged. "I'll get over it. My parents wouldn't have wanted me to mourn for them for the rest of my life." I knew it was a lie as soon as the words had slipped from my lips. My attachment for my parents ran deeper than people thought. When Kiera had passed away when I was still a child, I had gone through a phase I wished to forget. One where my abilities suddenly felt like a curse, and I was willing to drag myself down alongside her.

The pain I had endured then was something I feared to dwell on. Kiera had been my twin - we had shared something everyone else desired. We had known one another's strengths and weaknesses, and were rarely separated. Her mind and my own were connected on a level that far surpassed what people called normal.

When our connection suddenly snapped like a thread and she faded from my life, I, too, snapped. Mother and Father must have had an inkling of what happened, or maybe they knew of the burden both Kiera and I had carried, and they took that in their stride. Their strong arms hauled me up from my place in the void, and they carried me through the agony, reminding me that when someone dies, don't mourn for them but celebrate their successes. They unconsciously taught me how to remain strong, and that I was still with Kiera. She was always going to be there for me - perhaps not in the way I wished, but she was still there.

Now Mother and Father were gone, too. I wasn't sure how to pull myself out of the rapidly ensuing void. I couldn't stop myself from falling into the hole and finding myself submerged in the thick, cold darkness. At one point in my life, my parents had been there to pull me out, and their strength was formed through their love for me. That was strong enough to save me from death.

But not this time.

There was no one capable of saving me now.

Kiera was gone.

Mother was gone.

And Father was gone.

One after the other, they had all faded from my life and left me to deal with the heavy burden on my shoulders. The weight was getting heavier and heavier, and it was becoming harder to pull myself free.

How could I conquer this weight? How could I liberate myself from the void which clung to me like glue? With each death, that void grew stronger and stronger, feeding off of my pain. And one day soon, it would claim me, too.

Jane's hand reached out and clasped my own. She squeezed comfortingly, reminding me that she was still here for me. And she wasn't about to let me go.

"How do you do it?" I suddenly asked, my blue eyes pleading.

Jane looked surprised at the question, and stepped back. "What do you mean?"

"How do you remain so strong and resilient after all that's happened?"

Her face softened and her lips formed a warm smile. "I have you to keep me going, Terra. It's hard to endure what's gone on, but I know that if you're standing by my side, I don't have to worry so much." Her emerald eyes focused on my blue ones, and the strength of the gaze was like a roaring fire burning in the depths. "You're my best friend. If I have you, I can overcome anything."

My vision blurred and I smiled. This time it wasn't fake or for show, it was my own smile. "Thank you, Jane." I reached out and hugged her firmly, the embrace reminding me of a long ago memory.

A different time.

A different place.

You'll always be there for me?

My childhood voice was small and pure. I was so innocent back then.

A little girl, so much like me, smiled in return. The memory fresh in my mind, like it was only yesterday that it had happened.

Always, sister.