Adrian and the Hustler

I get off the plane and they come at me straight away, Madrid instantly feels like a life time ago. Everywhere people are hassling me, they won't leave me alone, they won't stop. My clothes are uncomfortable, the smell is a mixture of spices, leather and chicken s**t, it's gritty like New York, but the place is a time warp. I feel overwhelmed. I'm sweating so much. It’s a city made of stairs, I just wish everyone would leave me alone. The Australian guy looks like he's done it all before but I quickly realise he hasn't, and even if he had it wouldn't make no difference.  Sometimes you just can't help but get caught up. My glasses keep fogging up, stupid things.

He keeps telling me to relax but I can't f*****g relax. I'm lost in the spice-leather-chicken-s**t smelling medina, and everyone's trying to talk to me and sell me things.

Ahmed somehow introduces himself and takes us to a restaurant, and the Australian guy says "Stop freaking out man, just go with it."

The tall Arab with smoke stained teeth greets us with a wide sly smile, an Arab smile. He's reading out the menu as olives and bread are put on the plate and we ask the price. "120 dirhams each"

He says each so quietly the Australian doesn't even notice. I don't think he even cares, but I'm from New York City. We negotiate 60 each, which is on point.

There is a red sauce on the table and the Australian tries it. His face kind of sucks back in on itself.

"Man that's intense, it's so salty"

What’s his name?

I heap a bit on to my bread and nearly throw the whole goddam meal up all over the table, the Aussie is laughing so hard I think he might be crying, the tall Arab is smiling with amusement and Ahmed is laughing to himself like they're all in on some stupid joke. We manage to pay and leave to start exploring and Salem approaches the Australian and says he remembers him from the port, he sort of shakes him off, so he comes and talks to me, he's missing his two front teeth, his face is leathery from smoking too much, and his eyes are real bloodshot, but his English is on point. He tells me all about his life in New Zealand, how he lost everything when some skin heads started harassing them, it got so bad that he had to beat them with an iron bar one night. He had to come back to Morocco cause it was the only way he could get outta doing a five year sentence, poor guy. The Australian seems a bit uncomfortable, but I just say 'come on man just go with it'

He shoots me a smug grin, making me feel like an amateur, and Salem takes us to his favourite place, he's a cool guy really, he's got a lot to say, says I'd pass as Moroccan if I had a (damn what's it called, Jallaba!) I tell him cause I'm Hispanic. We got to the place and there's not much there, but he shows us a little crappy cafe and a place you can get girls and hashish.

"The best in Morocco!"

We decline politely and he takes us on to more bizarre and stupid things. We go to a pet market and he asks if we want to buy some pet turtles.

"Mate, what the f**k are we going to do with pet turtles?"

First thing he's said in ages

"My friend no problem, there are plenty of markets to see"

He takes us to a market which sells exclusively women's clothes and all the women are looking at us and the Australian (what's his goddam name?? ) by now is laughing uncontrollably, not at me, but it feels like it's at me. I feel uncomfortable and my legs are chafing and I'm sick of stairs. A fish market.

 

He takes us to a goddam fish market, the Australian looks bored and annoyed now, he just wants a packet of cigarettes, when Salem steps in front of the shop and tells him he knows a better place he pushes past him and walks in anyway.

When Salem helps himself to one of the guys cigarettes we both notice how precise and fast he does it.

"Ok mate we're done here"

"Not a problem I'm sorry my friend but I just want to show you something more before you pay me"

Before I what? I'm thinking, and we're there near a taxi rank.

"I think 50 dirham each is enough"

Like hell it is, I'm from the Bronx goddam it, but the Australian gives him 40 and Salem nods.

He's friendly when he asks me and I offer him 20.

"You f*****g American"

He changes almost instantaneously.

I'm looking at the ground trying to get out of his stare but he’s a snake and he's in my face.

"You f*****g American piece of s**t, I show you the city, I tell you my story I tell you I live with my mother and you, you s**t head guy you think it's for free? You you're a real a*****e, you give me fifty RIGHT NOW!

"But I don't have 50"

And I open my wallet and he sees the 500 sitting in there and he's shouting at me. So much hatred in his voice.

"Just pay him man"

I think he's going to punch me.

I look around and we're in an alley near the taxi rank, I just followed him here, same as the Australian and I pull out 100 and ask for change. He looks at me, those snake eyes, he snatched it out of my hand.

"Go f*****g your mother. F*****g American."

He left us at a taxi rank and some guy just walks up and pulls out a nugget of hashish.

“You wanna fly before you die?”

I look over, the Australian looks like he’s about to overdose on adrenaline, his eyes are all wide and his pupils are dialated. He grins at me.

“Hey man, just go with it.”

Stupid a*****e.