The Shadow of Death

Dear EclipseDC,
Let me start by saying thank you for asking me to review this, I hope this helps you in any sense it might, if at all. I find this to be interesting, there is not much "Meat and Potatoes" yet in it but I think it provides a good insight to what one might expect, I think it is a set up for success in my personal opinion; as you said there is a fascination for such things. I too share it. As for any thought or critique if any helpful to be had on my behalf it is here.

"Even in the major "Life" religions have a fixation on Death, or the avoidance of it."

religions ( instead of perhaps?) have a fixation on
or Even the instead of (Even in)?

"nor a more dangerous (secret) in the entire world"


I thought secret might be over used here? Perhaps another descriptive word,such as lie or one. Merely a thought.

"write this down so that all (my)"

Was this intended to be may?


"annals New England"

Did you mean annals as in records?
Cannals and perhaps annals is a typo?

In google the first several entries for "annals New England" (which I check when in doubt) came up as Annals of Witchcraft in New England. In relatively any case I think an (of) may be missing in this line.
These are my best guesses as to any visible to me corrections. I hope I make it clear on my stand of continuing this; yes. I think it is a captavating insert into what this book might be able, I would read a book of this nature myself if I saw it; I tend to think.
Hope this is of any use.
Sincerely
Christopher

Posted 11 Years Ago

Well here we go!

Posted 11 Years Ago

ok...we'll see wut unfolds

Posted 11 Years Ago

I definitely think you should continue this. The first paragraph is intriguing, and makes me want to read more. Is there a reason you've capitalized death 'Death'? It makes it sound like Death is a person or place, which might have been what you were going for, in which case, cool.
The great thing about writing in first person is that you can get so much of your character's personality across through the writing style. Your protagonist comes across as academic and studious, but he's completely calm, collected and confident when talking to a beautiful woman, which is stereotypically uncommon for such a bookish man. To me, that suggests quite a charismatic, yet intelligent guy. I'm eager to see where his studies of Death lead. New England is a great setting with plenty of fascinating history and geography to work with, and I think it was a wise choice for the story.
This guy and his work have piqued my interest, and I sincerely hope you decide to continue.

Posted 11 Years Ago

I would be interested to know where this story goes. I'm a pretty big wimp when it comes to dying and death, but I wouldn't mind seeing what your story has in store. You've only posted a small amount, it's got some information and it's good... but I'd like a bit more to really grip my interest. Sorry if this is bad... I don't like giving feedback like that as I'm a writer too.

Posted 11 Years Ago

Dear EclipseDC,
Let me start by saying thank you for asking me to review this, I hope this helps you in any sense it might, if at all. I find this to be interesting, there is not much "Meat and Potatoes" yet in it but I think it provides a good insight to what one might expect, I think it is a set up for success in my personal opinion; as you said there is a fascination for such things. I too share it. As for any thought or critique if any helpful to be had on my behalf it is here.

"Even in the major "Life" religions have a fixation on Death, or the avoidance of it."

religions ( instead of perhaps?) have a fixation on
or Even the instead of (Even in)?

"nor a more dangerous (secret) in the entire world"


I thought secret might be over used here? Perhaps another descriptive word,such as lie or one. Merely a thought.

"write this down so that all (my)"

Was this intended to be may?


"annals New England"

Did you mean annals as in records?
Cannals and perhaps annals is a typo?

In google the first several entries for "annals New England" (which I check when in doubt) came up as Annals of Witchcraft in New England. In relatively any case I think an (of) may be missing in this line.
These are my best guesses as to any visible to me corrections. I hope I make it clear on my stand of continuing this; yes. I think it is a captavating insert into what this book might be able, I would read a book of this nature myself if I saw it; I tend to think.
Hope this is of any use.
Sincerely
Christopher

Posted 11 Years Ago