I will miss you

Another shot at poetry

I will miss you;
Like a blister on the back of my ankle
Throbbing with my every step
I will miss you

I will miss you
as much as I love
the moments I spend
waiting on a woman I cannot stand
to emerge from a bathroom
with a freshly peed on stick in her hand
I will miss you

I will miss you
Like a vampire
Misses the sun
I will miss you

I will miss you
not the lies
and not the pain
but all the way until the end
there has been
four words I couldn’t help but say
I will miss you

Author's Note

Let me have it

Reviews

[AprilRN1210]

ha... the sarcasm speaks to me... I love you, I hate you... I can't live without you.. the examples you showcased were entertaining and affecting... real, raw, and really amusing... Reminds me of one of my favorite songs by Halestorm... "I miss the misery".. love angry girl rock... nicely written... I enjoyed:)

[dan]

Daniel, This poem reminds me of a song by John Waits ("Missing You") in which the chorus shouts out, "I ain't missing you at all!" (Probably way too old for you to recognize). This seems as if you are missing 'that person' in spite of the fact that you'd rather not. A very clever write, nicely presented. Well done! take care...riki

[Wynter Ignatius]

Oh, the emotions and memories of my past stirred showing me what a folly filled soul I once was. The duality of love and disdain painted in such wonderful ways that at least two exes of mine come to mind with stirred thoughts. You capture that feeling so well it hurts a tiny bit but I have come to deal with all that in stride.

Thank you for sharing and please keep it up - I'm liking what I see so far.

[Stephen]

Lovely .. yeah, just three words are enough to make your whole heart open .. It expresses the way we live the life with happiness and much love to be loved... isn`t it? Well written write. I admire this beautiful poem!

[Ambar Januel]

This is wonderful. Definitely my favorite of the poems you have posted. The descriptions of missing someone are perfect, its that unhealthy obsession, the person you love and cannot stand at the same time. The tone very much reminds me of song writing, especially the use of blunt and objectified words. Especially Fort Minor- if you know any of their music. Its that controversial tone, of the I miss you, to the harsh realism in the beat.

[Daniel Eckert]

This is actually a spoken word poem I perform from time to time. I believe that is why there is a beat in it.
Thank you for reading it and posting your kind words. I appreciate it.

[Ambar Januel]

I am very happy to hear that!

[MOON]

Poignant write, love and hate great emotion!

[Daniel Eckert]

Somehow I missed this. Thank you so much for taking the time read it!

[MOON]

No problem, take care!

[David Scott]

A few vivid scenes flashed through my mind as you show your dissatisfaction with who was.
The pee stick was a bullet flying out of the write like 3D panic.
The repeating lines did not help me feel your emotion more. You show the point better in the lines between the repeating, "I will miss you". I can see repeating the statement at the end because the meaning changes. Try reading this by just omitting all the repitition and the emotion builds better without the interruption.
A strong framework of thought here already. Good test drive for the issue, but a rewrite would give your write more momentum to me.
I enjoyed reading this.

[Daniel Eckert]

This is actually a spoken word piece I do. It feels to me that the "I will miss you" breaking up the different thoughts help the audience process. I notice when I don't add it in people won't laugh at the peed on stick part but when I do they do laugh. I think it adds processing time. Although I see how it is unneeded and does hinder it in written form. Thank you for pointing it out.

[David Scott]

Ah...
Yes, in a comedic sense, I see how the mental pause could help in live presentation. A fine point!
I learned something else. Yeah! :)

[Ellen Hammond]

Interesting poem! You have done well showing both sides of a love/hate relationship.

[Daniel Eckert]

Thank you Ellen I appreciate it.

[Jack V.]

Awee. Well done sir.

[Daniel Eckert]

Thank you very much you kind person you! =D

[Jack V.]

Pleasure!

[MandaBear]

This was really interesting! I liked the undertone it had it. Great job!

[Daniel Eckert]

Interesting is better than horrible! Thank you for taking the time to read it.