Canvas

within the palate
lies the gift of true colors
capable of birthing creations
with violent ecstasy
the Crafter's hand is the tool
in their mind lays the craft
upon the canvas opens the story
of how this picture came to pass

Reviews

[Shawn M]

I enjoyed this piece. You've got a lot of good sounds going on, which is my very favorite thing in the whole world for a poem to have going on. I think the word "true" when you're talking about colors is a little weak compared to some of the rest of the work. You've got this "violent ecstasy" happening right after and I think that simply "true colors" is not living up for that. I think changing that one word to something with a bigger punch can help a lot. The second half of this poem is also a little devoid of your magic. We lose all the imagery and it becomes telling and not showing. I think that if you tell us about the Crafter's hand (because Crafter's have beautifully complicated hands) and his canvas it will really push this poem up to the next level. I really, really hope this helps, and if you get the chance, I'd love it if you would stop by and offer up some criticisms on my work. I'm gonna go read more of yours now. :P

[Angel of Chaos]

thank you for the criticism.. I have always struggled with my writing.. to me it always sounds so elementary. It has become a way for me to release what is inside though. I think I am most noted for being short and simple.

[Shawn M]

We all struggle. Either that or everyone lies. :P But keep up the struggling, people are here to help! Sounding "elementary" can be a good thing sometimes, and sounding "intelligent" can be bad. Just stick with it. Everyone needs to grow. :)

[Dispersus]

:-) to say I get it is an understatement

poets are painters
words as colors
forms for brushes
your ear their canvas

painters are poets
shades as sounds
hues for voices
your eye their page

[Angel of Chaos]

thank you so much.. I love this. :)

[Dispersus]

you're quite welcome

Peace

[Sami Khalil]

A splendid read and write...Thank you for penning...:)................................

[Angel of Chaos]

Thank you. I just got onto this site so still finding my way around.

[Sami Khalil]

Welcome to the site...You will love it...A lot of nice people and talented ones...:)....................