God

One of the biggest arguments I've had with myself
Is whether God exists.

Well, that's not true. 
I've always believed.

It would be more correct to say I've been...
Unsure...
Of God's role in the world

Somedays I know that God is everywhere
Working like a tinkerer
Fine tuning Her greatest, most terrible creations:
Crying when She sees us harm one another,
Laughing with us in moments of joy,
Shouting at the television set when we kill each other
Over which of Her faces is THE face.
I dream She tries to find a way to tell us which path to follow 
Or to stop trying to split hairs.
I'm still waiting.

Other days I am convinced that God ignores us
She has other worlds to construct, other creatures to mold
We are a failed experiment,
Best to leave us to our own devices.
How else do I explain...
Genocide
Starvation
War
Racism
If God could see us, She would never allow that kind of suffering.
Would she?

Most days, I'm content to say I don't know one way or the other.
I talk to Her because I hope She'll listen.
I live my life to make Her proud.
But I understand if you don't believe in Her.
It makes me feel better to believe She's there,
But I understand if you feel more comfortable with the opposite.
I don't personally wish to worship Her in the confines of a religion,
But I understand if you want or need that structure, that community.

But please, please don't tell me what to believe.
Just as I won't tell you.