Aaron

Minutes later, i found myself locked up in a little room which only consists of a tiny bed, small toilet and a broken wardrobe. It has a window at the side of the room which was old, very old indeed. I had to twist the rusty lock forcefully before it jerked open. I stared out of the window, wondering how it is back home. I miss home. I am wanted here by their leader. As far as i could remember, i did nothing or have anything to be wanted by anyone.

I had been working and saving up all summer for the trip to Melbourne. I was so excited to have a family vacation to my favourite city. I was at the airport buying doughnuts while waiting for my flight. Two men approached me asking, "Sandra Bragg?" " Yea hi, it's me." "We have something important to talk to you about. Can we talk about it at the bench outside?" the shorter guy asked. I was curious enough to agree and just as i stepped outside, they grabbed me by my arms and dragged me to the vehicle nearby and drove off. That's how, my friends, i ended up here.

I was dead bored and i had no clue on what to do to keep myself entertained. I had way too much of sleep and i ended up trying to pick open the lock of the door. I used my hairpin, as how they do in the movies, hoping to unlock it. I have no experience of picking a lock but it wouldn't hurt to try. I slowly fit the pin into the hole and started rotating and twisting it around. Frustrated, I applied more force and desperately tried to open it. *Click* That was the sound i was yearning to hear all these while. I slowly opened the door and peeked my head out to ensure it was free of any human presence. Gladly, it was empty. I snuck out quietly, heading towards the street which was at a distance. The night air was cold and stiff.  The street light flickered on and off. I could barely see anything. I was walking through a grassland, which was damp and my sneakers sunk into the moist soil. In disgust, i fastened my pace. I was approaching the street and honestly i have no plans on what to do next. Where should i go? I know that i have to get out of here but how? Should i follow the path down the street to see where it leads to? Should i get help? All i had was spare change from the purchase I made at the airport. My bag and handphone was left in care with my parents. I was sweating profusely, and was in the state of flaking out.

I must be looking like a walking corpse. I was famished and thirsty- every swallow was like glass down my throat . I need to get out of here. I gathered every strength left in me and continued preserving. I cannot wait to get back home from here, to have a long hot bath and to cuddle up in my bed with my favourite movies.  The thought of it made me smile a little. " Where do you think you are going?" the husky voice startled me. I am so screwed. I mustered my courage and spun around. My dear friends, that's my first encounter with him.

Aaron.

Reviews

[EJ Coleman]

I think the only problem with this is that everything seems so rushed, the scenes are way too short and everything happens so fast. Expand the scenes, slow it down a bit, include some descriptions, divide into more paragraphs. I also think that Sandra seems a little too calm and relaxed, jokes too much and doesn't react to the situation very naturally. But it's definitely intriguing, it starts at a good point in the story, there's not too much backstory crammed in at once and there are still questions you're left wondering about; you want to know what happens next, you want more. So slow down, don't stress, there's no hurry, we'll still read even if it isn't 100% action all the time. If you do that it'll be just fine, I think this has real potential.

[Francisco]

Really it is a very good story. The novel makes the reader remains stuck to the reading wanting to know what will happen in the next chapter.