Arizona's New Lalapalooza of a Law !

This is a brief account about a possible future scenario related to Arizona's recent stop and search law.

This is a possible future scenario related to Arizona’s new Lalapalooza of a Law.

 

“Excuse me, ma’am.  This is not racial profiling, but you look like a Mexican and potential illegal alien.  May I see your driver’s license, proof of insurance, birth certificate, and other necessary papers, please ?”

 

“This is a Legal Random Stop and Search, ma‘am”

 

“Excuse me, ma’am, let me make sure I’ve heard you correctly.  You’re tellin’ me that you were not breakin’ any drivin’ Laws, and that you are not of Hispanic descent.  But that you are an American of fourth generation Irish descent who uses a tanning bed monthly ?”

 

“Excuse me, ma’am, but as a police officer of the fine state of Arizona, I meant no offense.  I am merely carrying out my sworn duties to The Law.
And from a distance, and in passin’, you looked Hispanic.  A Hispanic drivin’ a Lexus, and therefore came under suspicion.”

 

“Please, calm down ma’am, once again I did not mean to offend you.”

 

“Ma’am, if you don’t give me all of your necessary identification papers, and calm down and stop cussin’ me, I’m gonna have to ask you out of this vehicle, and haul you down to the station.  What’s it gonna be ?”

 

“That’s it ma’am.  No one insults my mother.  Get out of the vehicle NOW.  Put your hands behind you and lean up against the vehicle.”

 

“Buddy, keep an eye on this lady while I grab her purse and check her glove compartment.”

 

“Excuse me, son.  What’s your name ?  Sean.  That’s a fine Irish American name.  How old are you, Sean ?  Ten.  That’s a fine age young man.  Yes, Sean, your mommy’s okay.  We just need to make sure that she’s not an illegal alien.”

 

What’s an illegal alien ?  Why that’s an alien who’s here illegally, son.  No, these aliens are not from outer space.”

 

Are you askin’ me if you’re illegal, Sean ?  Well, you’ve got dark brown hair, blues eyes and freckles.  You must take after your dad.  I don’t think you’ve got anything to worry about, Sean.”

 

“Now, son, if you’ll just move your knees, I’m gonna look inside the glove compartment for your mommy’s papers.”

 

“Buddy, what in tarnation is goin’ on out there ?  Why did you zap that woman with the tazer ?!”

 

“What do you mean that she got upset, and wouldn’t stand still, when I grabbed her purse and spoke to her boy like that ?  What ?  She said that I was invadin’ her privacy and abusin’ her rights as an American citizen ?  That I had no right to treat her this way and say those things to her boy ?  I was helpin’ that boy to understand what’s happenin’ here.  He asked a question.  I was tryin’ to be polite and answer the boy.  Tryin’ to teach him somethin’.”

 

“I’m not writin’ out this report, Buddy.  This one is all yours.  Gol durn it, this is a law suit in the makin’.  I can just feel it.”

 

“When she stops cryin’ out and  jerkin’ around on the ground, I’ll let her know that her papers are in order, and that I’m just gonna write her out a warnin’ for resistin’ and cussin’ a police officer.  What has happened to respectin’ the Law and Law officers of this country ?  What is our world comin’ to ?”

 

“Then we’ll send her and her boy on their way and keep our fingers crossed that that’s the end of it.”

 

“We’re the Law.  These people have got to learn that what we say goes.  The Law says we’re to stop and check out suspicious lookin’ suspects.  Especially along our borders.  And that’s what we’re gonna do’.”

 

This lady has really over reacted !  She is over the top !  She must be bipolar or somethin’ like that.  Be sure to include that in your report, Buddy.”

 

“Now, don’t cry, Sean.  Your mommy’s gonna be okay.  See ?  Ole Buddy is helpin’ her up off of the ground, and dustin’ her off, right now.”

 

“Buddy, help me get these cuffs off of her, and get this woman back into her vehicle.”

 

“Alright, ma’am, I’m just gonna give you this written warnin’ about resistin’ and cussin’ an officer of the Law.  And send you and your boy on your way.”

 

“Can we do that, Buddy ?  I guess we’ll find out when we get back to the station.  I’m still learnin’ about all of the in’s and outs and particulars of this new illegal immigrant Law.”

 

“Now, ma’am, you and your boy have a good day.”

 

“Buddy, ’tween you and me, this new Law passed by the governor is a Lalapalooza of a Law !  You mark my words.  We have not heard the last of this ’un.”

 

I don’t know ’bout you, but I have worked up an appetite.  How about stoppin’ up the road for coffee and donuts ?”