A Child's Prayer to Donald Trump

'Teach your Children well.........'

“Dear Lord, Hear my Prayer, ‘cause my Mommy and Daddy are upset with me.”

“Lord, please, Forgive me for saying that Jesus’ last name was Damn.  “Cause I heard Daddy say, “God Damn” when he hit his hand with his hammer last week.  And Jesus is the Son of God.  But Mommy and Daddy said that I misunderstood what I heard.”

“Lord, I am truly Sorry, and will try to Listen to more things better….”

“What’s that, Mama ?

“Mama, are you supposed to be interrupting my Prayer….”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Lord, Mama says I need to Listen to fewer things better.  So, please, Forgive my mistake, and Mama’s interrupting my Prayer.”

“And Lord, Daddy says that we should ‘Thank our Lucky Stars that Donald Trump is running for president, and making All Americans take a good, hard look at just what we Do Not want in our Leaders or our Nation’s Economic and Cultural Systems‘.”

“Lord, I do not really know what that means, but Daddy says it so much when he’s yelling at the t.v. or the radio, that I have memorized it.  Thank you, for my Good Memory, Lord.”

“And Lord, Daddy yells that Donald Trump is the Poster PlayBoy for every Dis-ease plaguing America and the rest of the whole, wide World.  I love to Play, but I do not like Dis-eases.”

“So, Lord, I Pray that you will Heal Donald Trump, and America, and the rest of the whole, wide World from his and our many Dis-eases.  But I think that all of us should still be able to go outside and Play, if it‘s alright with you, Lord.”

“Lord, please, Forgive Donald Trump for being the kind of Role Model my Mommy and Daddy will Never let me Watch on t.v. or Listen to on the radio, because you never know when he will Cuss or Order a Nuclear Winter or say Bad Things about fat, Miss Piggy, Housekeeping Beauty Queens or Princesses.  And I am going to be a Princess this Halloween.  And I always help my Mommy clean our House.”

“So, I do not understand what this Donald Trump is complaining about, especially since he has not seen my Princess costume.  And Mommy tells me that I always do a good job cleaning the House.”

“And I love Miss Piggy on Sesame Street.  And I do not care whether or not she is fat.  She is a funny and well dressed Piggy.  And I will always be her Friend.”

 And, Lord, Donald Trump also embarrassed my Mommy and Daddy when he complained about how much women Bleed from all kinds of places. Especially if they are something called a Journalist who asks him questions that he does not like and does not want to answer.”

“But I feel sorry for Donald Trump about the questioning thing, Lord, because sometimes when I do wrong things, I do not like or want to answer my Daddy and Mommy’s questions either.”

“And Lord, Daddy and Mommy do not like it when Donald Trump says Bad Things about Muslims or Mexicans who need to have Walls built around them.  Or Black Folks without Birth Certificates who walk around shooting one another dead, because they are unhappy.  I want them to all Live and be Free and Happy, Lord.”

And Lord, Daddy says that Donald Trump is a Legal, but Immoral, Tax Cheat.  A Billionaire, who tricked, and bragged, and paid his way out of paying Taxes for years, while Daddy, who says that he is a Middle-Class truck driver, pays his 28% in Taxes every year, to pay for Fixing all of our Roads. and Bridges, and American Parks that we camp out at every summer.”

“And I surely do love camping out, Lord !”

“So, thank you for Giving us Taxes that keep our Parks pretty and full of trees, and flowers and aminals…..excuse me, animals, Lord.”

“And Lord, please, Forgive Donald Trump for being a Billionaire who Takes Advantage of Americans and America’s and the rest of the whole, wide World’s Good Will.”

“And Lord, I do not really know what Taxes are or what they look like, but thank you for them anyway. “Cause Mommy says that Taxes pay for our Schools, and I love my first grade Teacher, Mrs. Appleby.  And I love all of my Friends at School.”

“And thank you for Applebee’s Restaurants, too, Lord, ’cause I love eating there after Church on Sundays.  And thank you for my Chicken-fried Steak Child’s Plate with curly fries.  It is my very favorite, Lord !”

“Yes, Mommy ?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

Lord, please, forgive me for getting off of the subject, and needing what Mommy calls Re-Direction.  And Lord, it sounds to me as if Donald Trump could use some Re-Direction, too.  So, I will Share some of my Re-Direction with him.  Maybe it will help him, too.”

“And Lord, I am also glad that Taxes help the American Veterans like my uncle Luke, who lost his leg and his left eyeball in Iraq.  But I like his new fake leg, Lord.  And sometimes, uncle Luke will pop his new eyeball out of its socket to tease me with, and I like that, too, Lord.  ’Cause it always makes uncle Luke laugh, and he doesn’t do that as much as he used to.  So, thank you, Lord, for Taxes that pay for fake legs and eyeballs.  They are a Blessing.”

“And, Lord, thank you for the Taxes that help the Old Folks, and the Sick and the Poor.  ‘Cause sometimes Folks need help during certain times of their Lives, and when All Americans pitch in with their Taxes, then we all Help to Lift and Take Care of one another.  That’s what my Mommy always tells me, Lord.  And she always says that Jesus wants us to always be Compassionate and Take Care of one another.  That we are to always try to Love one another as best we can, even when we may not feel like it, Lord.”

“And, Lord, please, Forgive me for being Selfish.  Especially when I don’t want to Share 10% of my Allowance with the Church on Sunday’s.  ’Cause Mama says that if Everybody pitches in, then Everyone can be Blessed by Everything the Church has to Give or to Offer.  And that America is just like our Church.”

“So, Lord, please Forgive my stinginess on Sunday’s.  I am changing my Heart about the 10% of my Allowance that I put into the Offering Plate.  I am putting my Church Taxes into the silver plate with a Glad Heart now, Lord.”

“And I like seeing my Reflection in the silver plate as it passes, Lord.  Sometimes I stick my tongue out.”

“Please, Forgive my rudeness, Lord.  But I am not sticking my tongue out at you.  I just get bored sometimes….”

“Yes, Mommy ?  Is this another interrupting Re-direction, Mommy ?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“And, Lord, please help Daddy calm down and not get so upset and red in the face when he hears about another one of Donald Trump’s Dis-eases.  ‘Cause Donald Trump’s Dis-eases are Dis-easing my Daddy and Mommy.”

“My Mommy hates the way he talks about and treats Women.  She hates that Donald Trump cheated on his Wives, even though he takes care of his Offspring.”

“Lord, I play with Offspring in our Pond just before they turn into full grown Frogs and hop away….”

“Yes, Mommy ?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Lord, Mommy interrupted me again to tell me that the critters I play with are tadpoles, and pollywogs, and Offspring.  So, now I am confused and will skip this subject for a later time, too, Lord.”

“But, Lord, Daddy also yells about Donald Trump’s many Bankruptcies, and about him being morally Bankrupt.”

“So, Lord, please help Donald Trump straighten up all of his messes with the Banks so that they don’t Rupt and he doesn’t Rupt anymore.  Then maybe my Daddy won’t be so Rupted, and could learn to Trust him.  Because right now, Daddy says, he doesn’t Trust Donald Trump any further than he can pick him up and throw him.”

“And, Lord, my Daddy is a Big Man with Big Hands, and I do not want him to get into trouble with Mommy and my School Principal.  So, please, Lord, tell Donald Trump not to stiff anymore Small Business Folks or other Workers for work they have already done.  And to finally Pay all of the ones he stiffed in the past for Atonement.”

“Lord, I don’t know what Singing a Tone with a Mint in your mouth has anything to do with making up with folks and doing the right thing, but Mommy and Daddy and the Pastor at the Church talk about Atonement all of the time.  So, I will put a Mint in my mouth and Sing if it will help.  Just let me know, Lord.  You can send me a sign of some kind.”

“Maybe you could slip a roll of wintergreen Mints under my pillow at night like the Tooth Fairy slips me fifty cents for my lost teeth…”

“Yes, Mommy ?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“And Lord, please help Donald Trump not want to grope Pretty Ladies private parts anymore, and say nasty things about Ladies and their private parts.  ’Cause it really upsets my Mommy and Daddy very much.  My Mommy grabbed my hand and rushed me out of our den yesterday, when you started talking bad on t.v. about Ladies private parts and bragging about groping them.  Even when you and the Ladies private parts are already married…..”

“Yes, Mommy ?”

“Well, Mommy, you scared me when you grabbed my hand and rushed me out of the den, ‘cause I dropped my pretty green cat’s-eye marble that I was looking through, and I still cannot find it….”

“Yes Mommy ?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

  

“And Lord, please help me to find my green cat’s-eye marble.  It is my very favorite marble to look through.”

“And Lord, please help the Narsissystick Donald Trump to Think of and Do less for HimSelf, and to Think of and Do More for Others.  Please, teach him to Share his Narssissystick with All Americans and everyone else in the whole, wide World.”

“And Lord, please Forgive Donald Trump for being a Vulgar, Selfish, Lying Cheating Condor Man, who is always flying off of the handle at some really petty things, according to my Daddy and Mommy.”

“Please, Lord, help to Cure him of this thing my Daddy calls a deep Character Flaw.”

“I don’t blame Donald Trump or my Daddy.  I have eaten Flaw, and it is terrible.  It is made with raw cabbage and raw carrots, and always makes my tummy ache when I am forced to eat it.”

“So, I feel sorry for Donald Trump.  Maybe he Cusses a lot because his Character Flaw gives him gas like me…..”

“Yes, Mommy ?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Lord, please, Forgive for not knowing what I was talking about.  Mommy says the correct word is Slaw, not Flaw.  But Lord, you need to know that I still do not like Character Flaw.  It is terrible….”

“Yes, Mommy ?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“(Sigh)  Lord, Mommy says that I must get a move on, and climb on into my bed.”

“But, Lord, just one more thing.  Daddy says that Donald Trump needs to go to the Devil.  And that if Donald Trump gets Voted in as the President, then America and the rest of the whole, wide World will go to Hell in a Hand-basket.”

“Lord, I know that the Devil keeps it mighty Hot down there in Hell.  So, Lord, please, if all of America, and the rest of the whole, wide World must go to Hell in a Hand-basket with Donald Trump leading the way, can you send all of us a humongous Air Conditioner ?  And can I borrow the Hand-basket for the Church’s Easter Egg Hunt this year ?”

“Thank you, Lord.  And, please, say ‘hi’ to Baby Jesus and the Grown-up Jesus for me, when you get the time. ’Cause I know how busy you are.  Amen.”