Toodle, Doodle, Who ?!

Life is a many Splendored and strange Thing, at times.......

“Hello, Toodle !”

“Hello, Doodle,”  Toodle exclaimed as she gave Doodle a warm Hug.

“Long time no see, and have I got a loaded question for you, Toodle,”  Doodle proclaimed challengingly, smiling widely.

The two old Friends sat down together under one of the umbrella tables dispersed throughout the outdoor patio on the far side of the Book Store’s garden area.

“Well, fire away, Doodle.  You know I hold back very little from you, GirlFriend,”  Toodle recountered.

“A little Birdy told me that you deliberately wrote a Hot Check when you were younger, and more carefree,”  Doodle blurted out.

“Well, I don’t know that I’ve ever been care free.  But yes, there was an occasion earlier in my marriage, when I found it very useful to write a Hot Check ?”  Toodle admitted.

“Oh, do tell, Doodle.  Why ever would you put your marriage in jeopardy by dee-liberately writing a Hot Check.  We both know that your Handsome Hubby has always held and managed the purse strings in your Family.  He’s a lovely Man, but he is a very old fashioned, Southern, Evangelical Male, if you know what I mean, jelly bean,”  Toodle quipped.

“Yes, I know all to well what you mean, Toodle.  But this jelly bean had a lesson to teach my very old fashioned, Southern, Evangelical Cheating Husband.  And the only way to make sure that I got his attention in order for that lesson to be learned was to deliberately write a Hot Check and get arrested for it,”  Doodle said matter-of-factly.

Toodle looked at her life long Friend with genuine confused amazement.  Doodle was one of the most conservative, though funny, Lady Friends, that she had ever known.  Or thought she’d known.

“Don’t look so prim and shocked, Doodle.  I’ve heard a few stories about you, that I’ve never mentioned to you, that set me aback as well, I do declare,”  Toodle grinned at her friend mischievously.

“And what might those tales be, do tell,”  Doodle asked.

“Well, a little Birdy, perhaps the same one that tweeted into your ears, told me that when you were young and very stupid, that you got hooked up with a not so gentlemanly gentleman who turned out to be a Drug Lord, who used you as a Call Girl,”  Toodle said flatly.

“No one has ever called me Girl.  And there is lot more to that story that changes the very reality of that very imprecise summary of events that you just plopped down on my platter, dear Friend,”  Doodle said shortly.

“Well, elucidate me dear one about the real events of your story, and I’ll return the favor,” Toodle offered.

“Oh no, you don’t.  I asked first, Doodle.  I really do want to know what happened between you and your Handsome Hubby.  And then I promise, cross my heart and hope to die, that I will spill the jelly beans on my own youthful indiscretions, and set the record straight,” Doodle said crossing her heart with her well manicured forefinger.

“Well, alright then. My Handsome Hubby went to work with his known to be A Lady’s Man Brother at his Brother’s international land development company.  My Handsome Hubby got sent to Mexico to do some business that lasted for two months,”  Toodle began.

“Well, during the very long time that he was gone.  He started to call less and less, probably because I was always fussing about his being gone so long.  And I began to run short on funds to handle all of our bills.  Our two girls were just little ones at that time, and I just felt alone and overwhelmed by everything.  So, I got in touch with the company secretary, and told her my sad sob story, and asked her to help me get in touch with him,” Toodle continued.

“Well, she felt sorry for me, and intimated that my Handsome Husband, along with his very married A Lady’s Man Brother, was wheeling and dealing with a lot more than just land investments and developments while he was away from home,”  Toodle said angrily.

Well, I was desperate.  I pondered for a very long time over what to do to get my Handsome Hubby home, pronto.  Finally, knowing that the only way to get his undivided attention was to mess around with his pocketbook, I called my Mama and Daddy, and got them to take care of the girls.  I lied to them and told them that I was flying down to Mexico to spend some romantic time with my Handsome Hubby,”  Toodle confessed.

“I hated lying to them, but I was in a very different place inside myself - a darker place - when I was making my decisions then.  Mind you, that’s no excuse for what I did.  It’s just a plain old explanation of my actions back then,”  Toodle added.

Then I went out shopping and wrote a hot check.  A five hundred and twenty-eight dollars and thirty-two cents worth of a Hot Check.  I drove home and hid all of the merchandise in our garage.  Then I drove to the police station and turned myself in,”  Toodle sighed.

“They had to lock me up, because I did not have the funds to pay for the merchandise, and I would not tell them where the merchandise was.  Anyway, they had me behind bars.  So, they knew that they would eventually get the money back for the store,”  Toodle explained.

“It was pretty obvious that I was not a hardened criminal.  So, for my one call, I called my Handsome Hubby and told him where I was and why.  Although I did not admit that I had done everything deliberately.  I made it sound as if I had just made a bird-brained series of mistakes.  I must say that I was very convincing,”  Toodle chuckled.

“Well, my Handsome Hubby flew the first plane home.  Paid my Bail and paid off the five hundred and twenty-eight dollars and thirty-two cents and other fines.  Since the store got its money back, they did not press charges, but I did have to attend a class for Hot Check Writers, which I found very interesting and even made a new Friend at,”  Toodle said wryly.

“My Handsome Hubby got the Riot Act read to him by me, myself and I.  And he has never strayed another day, that I aware of, since then.  Now, let’s here your torrid Tale of a Good Girl gone Bad, Doodle,”  Toodle redirected.

“Ha, that’s some Tale of Woe, Toodle.  But I must admit, that mine is a little darker and wilder than yours,’  Doodle laughed.

“Do you remember that good looking Intern, who drove the red Jaguar, that I dated when I was singing at coffee houses and working at the hospital downtown for a while,”  Doodle asked ?

“Do I ever.  I only set eyes on him and that Love Machine of his once, but I was green with envy about your having caught his eye instead of me, old Friend, ha, ha !”

“Well, as it turns out, you were the lucky one, GirlFriend.”

“He was almost ten years older than I was, and had spent some time in Vietnam.  He was a reluctant draftee, and went over as a medic.” 

“He was in Vietnam just long enough to become a total Cynic who learned all about the drug trade while fighting for America over there.  Of course, I didn’t find out about all of that, until after I was completely smitten by the Handsome Older Intern I dated with wings on my heels for several months,”  Doodle said flippantly.

“Also, do you remember everything that was going on between my Mom and Dad back then with all of his cheating, and the pain it was causing her and the Family as a whole,”  asked Doodle ?

“Yes, yes, I do, Doodle.  I remember all of the beatings you used to get for taking up for your Mother and trying to get your Daddy to stop his cheating ways.  I remember how damaging it was to all of y’all.  How rebellious you became,”  Toodle said gently.

“Rebellious.  Yes, that’s as good a word as any for what I became during that period of time in my life,’  Doodle agreed sadly.

“Well, when I found out about what my Handsome Older Intern was all about, I chose to ignore it.  To disassociate from it.  That was only a part of who he was, and I would change him and save him.  But the one who really needed saving was me.  He and I made a Perfect Storm together,”  Doodle paused thinking back to a time she wanted to completely erase from her life and her memory.

“Anyway, he was a lot of fun, and we partied all of the time with the rich and famous, and jet setters.  We traveled a lot.  He was interesting, and appreciated my gifts and talents.  So, we just coasted along with one another for a while,”  Doodle further explained.

“Then one day, my Handsome Older Intern asked me to keep a large bag of something for him in my closet until he asked for it back.  He had brought it over to my place with him, and placed it at the very back of my closet while he was talking to me about it.  Once again, I disassociated from what he had done with the garbage bag of pot, and what he had asked me to do for him.”  

“I forgot all about it just like it had never taken place at all, and that the bag of pot at the back of my closet had never existed at all.  I had really gotten very good at doing that disassociation thing when I was a kid and a teenager scrambling around and away from my daddy‘s beatings and tirades,”  Doodle continued.

“But that bag of pot in my closet, and that I allowed him to keep it there, and that I was of course, imbibing in the use of pot from time to time at various parties, poisoned me even more, Toodle.  I knew that I was doing things that I had been raised not to do by my Mama and the Church.”

“Anyway, I began to get angrier over what my Daddy was doing to my Mama, myself and all of my sisters, and I began to wonder about what I could do about it.”

“My daddy had always drug the Family around to his jet setter parties.  So, we had met a lot of his business friends and associates.  And sometimes, at certain parties, when some of the men had a little too much to drink, I would hear occasional bragging rights stories from Daddy’s business friends and associates about their many wives, and alimony pay outs, and the expensive call girls they would use from time to time during certain business trips.”

“So, one particularly amorous evening between myself and my Handsome Older Intern, I posed a Game of Revenge against my Daddy, and asked him to help me set it up, because I knew that he had the wherewithal and connections to do so.”

“I wanted him to pretend to be a Call Girl Employer and set up a date with one of Daddy’s business friend’s that I knew was a worse reprobate than my Daddy was when it came to hanky panky.  He was a good looking older gentleman, who was also a shameless drunk, and thought of little else than having whoopey with Call Girls in particular.  And I knew his numbers, and how to get in touch with him.”

“I told my Handsome Older Intern that I wanted to get with this man in a really high priced hotel room, and then tell him that I was Daddy’s Daughter, and ream him out about his and my Daddy’s behaviors.  About all of the damage that men like them did to the Families of the World.”

“My Handsome Older Intern thought that my Act of Revenge against Daddy and all the Cheaters of the World was a wonderful joke to play on “the Old Man” as he called him.  And so we did it.”

“I just pretended like I was an actress acting out a role.  And I loved the look of concern on Daddy’s business friend’s face when he heard who I was and what I thought about him, my Daddy and other men just like them.  He never really said a word to me that I remember.  He just grabbed his gray silk suit jacket, and quietly left the room.  Leaving me feeling victorious and somehow justified.”

“But those feelings were very short lived.”

“It never occurred to me back then that women cheated, too.  That’s just how naïve I was.  I really thought that women were better creatures than men at that time, ha !”

“What fools we can be when we act from the Wounded Places of our Hearts.  The Darker Places of our Hearts.  It overshadows everything in your Life.”

“Shortly after that, I told my Handsome Older Intern that I never wanted to see him again.  That I needed to move away and get a fresh start somewhere else.”

“When he came over for the bag of pot he had left in my closet, it was gone.  My sister was in the middle of a divorce at that time, and she and my nephew had been coming to stay with me from time to time.  But I knew that she did not use pot any more than I really did.  I was at a complete loss.”

“My Handsome Older Intern was not amused, and the next thing I knew I was attacked by one of his men, who sexually assaulted and stabbed me trying to get information out of me that I didn’t have.”

“That horrible man stalked me for months and made it impossible for me to get a new start anywhere in Texas.  So, I left the state and stayed with friends I knew I had never discussed with my one time Handsome Older Intern boyfriend.”

“Years later, I found out from my Mother, that my sister had found the bag of pot, and not knowing what to do, had taken it to my Mama.”

“Mama, was so upset about finding out about my very unexpected behaviors in the Big City, thanks to my well intentioned and concerned sister, that she took it out to the large metal drum that we burned our trash in, and burned the bag of pot.”

“They both admitted to me that they had gotten a little tipsy watching it burn, because Mama wanted to make sure that nothing was left of the ‘evil weed’.”

“It never occurred to either of them that they were putting me and themselves in great danger when they burned that garbage bag of pot.  That’s just how naïve all of us were.”

“And that, Toodle, is the shortened version of my Tale of Woe,”  Doodle said exhaustedly.

“Yes, I know.  It all turned out to be a great big Cosmic Joke.  But it was a Joke that affected my Life, and the Lives of my Loved Ones in some very negative ways.”

“I was lucky that I was not killed.  And my rebellious behaviors put my Loved Ones and me in great jeopardy.”

“I learned a lot about Life and about myself during that very tumultuous time, but the echoes of the changes it had made in me followed me for many years afterwards, for better and for worse.”

“You were right, Doodle.  Your Tale of Woe makes mine sound like a Walt Disney cartoon,”  Toodle said lightly.  “Just call me, Daisy and listen to me quack !”

Both friends stared at one another wordlessly laughing and crying together briefly in relief and new found realizations.

Then they suddenly performed a paddy cake pat of their hands together in the air across the umbrella table, and said, with childlike glee and memory, “I’m Toodle and I’m Doodle !  Toodle, Doodle, Loo !  I’m Toodle and I’m Doodle !  Who are you ?!”