Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner - Oh My !

A humrous tale with some real meat to it and in it.

“Are you still tryin’ to develop a Goat Business, Patrick ?”

“No, no can’t say that I am, Roanna ?”  Patrick smiled wryly, running his long fingers through his black and silver, closely cropped beard.

“What made you change your mind ?”

“Well, my wife, Liza, made me change my mind.”

“But Liza told me that she loved raisin’ the Goats y’all bought,”  Roanna said quizzically.  “When I drove up to the house through y’all’s pasture, I saw quite a few of ‘em out in your field chewin‘ away to their hearts content.”

“Yes, yes she does love the Goats, and that’s just the problem.  She loves the Goats too much.  She wouldn’t let me butcher any ‘em for fajita meat.  And when I sold her two favorite goats, Valentine and Sasha, to one of my buddies who runs what I would consider to be a Real Goat Ranch, while Liza was working late a couple of months ago, she pitched a fit, and made me go back to my friend with my tail between my legs, and buy my very own Goats back, again.”  Patrick explained.  “Pshaw !  I decided that very day that I was out of the Goat Business and in the Goat-sittin’ Business.  I may as well be runnin‘ a Pettin‘ Zoo.”

“Yep,”  Patrick continued, “I discovered that once Liza gives an Animal a Name, you can forget about it’s ever bein’ put into a pot.  Every Animal out here, Goats, Horses, Chickens, Geese, Dogs, Cats…..you name it.  If walks on four legs, hops on two or crawls on its belly, its been Named by Liza, and is her Pet.”

Patrick sighed loudly, shaking his head, “I just gave up tryin’ to talk any sense into her about it.  And her Sisters are no better.  In fact, Cheyenne told me that as long as there are dead, frozen carcasses stacked in abundance at the grocery stores that she saw no reason to kill any animals unnecessarily.”

“You ever thought about changing your strategy with your Namin’ Process, Patrick ?”  Roanna asked.

“What do you mean by changing my Namin’ Process.  If it were up to me, the only name each and every single one of those stinkin’ Goats would have is Goat Number 1, Goat Number Two,….You catch my drift ?”

“Ha, ha, why, yes, I do, Patrick.  May I explain to you the Namin’ Process we use around our Place ?”

“Sure, I’d be glad to hear it,” Patrick answered good-humouredly.

“Well, last year we bought three Pigs.  Steve and I Named our three Pigs Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner,” Roanna began.

“Ha, ha, you Named your Pigs Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner ?”  Patrick interrupted.

“Yes, we did.  And we told all five of our Children that they could treat the Pigs as Pets, but that when the time came, that the Family would be eatin’ each one of the Pigs.”

“Now, it was hard for our Youngsters to hear, but the little Piglets were so cute, that the Children fell in love with ‘em anyway.  Those were the Happiest Pigs in the county.  Nothin’ but good food and lots of sweet lovin’ went into producin’ some of the finest future Bacon and Ham for our Family,”  Roanna announced proudly.

“So, did you do it ?  Did you kill the Pigs ?”  Patrick asked sardonically.

“Yes, but not exactly at the times we first intended to.  You see, one day, one of my boys left the back door open, and Dinner came runnin’ right in behind him.”

“By the time we got through chasin’ that slippery Pig through the house, my clean house was torn up and turned upside down.  I decided that very day that we were gonna’ skip Breakfast and Lunch and go straight to eatin’ Dinner.”

“Ha, ha !  Better sooner than later I always say, Roanna.  Can you talk some sense into my wife, Liza ?”

“Sure, y’all come on by this weekend for a Plate of Dinner, and I’ll converse with Liza til the cows run dry.”