Let Me Out of This Contraption !

The abilities to Love and Laugh truly are the greatest Healing Medicines.

“Hello, Doctor DoMore.” 

“Good afternoon, Mrs. MacGillicutty.  How are you and Mrs. Appleby today.”

“Fine, thank you for asking,” Mrs. MacGillicutty replied.

“I would rather not be here, but I’m feeling as well as an eighty year old Woman can be expected to feel, Dr. Domore,”  Mrs. Appleby answered.

Mrs. McGillicutty smiled tightly,  “Please, excuse my Mother.  She does not like coming to Doctor’s offices.  I practically had to drag her here.  She was raised to be very Stoic.”

“I don’t need this test, Liza.  This MRI you want me to pay for is very expensive.  I have already made up my mind as to what I want to do, and how I want to handle things.  But, ever since these little mini-strokes have been plaguing me, and I have developed this Dementia Dis-ease, my Children think that they need to meddle in all of my decisions.”

“Mama, Breast Cancer is very serious.  Doctor DoMore needs to see where it has spread to, and then make some decisions as to what to do from there.”

“I’m an Old Lady.  Older than the two of y’all put together, I’ll bet.  And I have made my decision.  No lopping my Dolly Parton Breasts off or removing any of my Lymph Glands.  No Radiation.  No Chemotherapy.  No Balding Old lady lying around in bed too sick and too weak to enjoy any kind of Quality of Life,”  Mrs. Appleby announced.

“I have made up my mind.  My Memory may be getting bad, but it’s not that short yet.  I know how I want to address this Illness.  I want to Go Home, mess around in my Garden, take care of my Dog, Chickens, Geese, Goats and Ponies.  And spend as much time as I can with my Family and EveryOne else that I Love.  I want to Die in my very own House, in my very own Bed,”  Mrs. Appleby added emphatically.

“Mama, we know what your Wishes are, and we’re trying to Honor them,” Liza said softly.

“Then why am I sitting here in Doctor DoMore’s office for this way over-priced MRI to take pictures of things that are going to stay put ?”  Mrs. Appleby asked firmly.

“Mrs. Appleby, it is possible that you may change your mind during the process of dealing with this Cancer,”  Doctor DoMore interjected.

“That’s not likely.  I’ve made my Peace with my Maker.  I’m ready to Go any time He decides to Call Me Home.”

“Mama, would you please do this for me ?  Your insurance is paying for the MRI.”  Liza said pleadingly.

“Who do you think is paying for the insurance ?”  Mrs. Appleby quipped.

“Mama, please.”  Liza begged.

“Oh alright.  Let’s get this over with.  Hand me that flimsy gown with the big draft in the back, and let’s get this show on the road.”  Mrs. Appleby grumbled.

“I’ll get the Nurse in to help you get ready for the MRI, Mrs. Appleby,”  Doctor DoMore said as he made his escape through the door.

“How complicated can taking a picture of my Innards be, for Pete’s Sake ?”

“Mama, please.  Here Mama, let me help you get your gown on,”  Liza offered.

“They need to put a zipper onto the back of these flimsy gowns.  It’s unlady-like to run down these frigid hallways half naked, with your keester sticking out of the back of one of these things,”  Mrs. Appleby declared.

The Nurse knocked on the door before entering the small room.

Liza smiled brightly, “Mama’s getting into her gown.”

“Oh good.  Hello Mrs. Appleby, I’m Carol.  How are you today ?”

“Well let’s see.  I’m standing here in a Doctor’s office.  How well can I be, young lady ?”  Mrs. Appleby queried.

Nurse Carol shot a puzzled glance at Liza.

“Mama doesn’t want to have the MRI done.  She’s doing it for me and my Sisters.”  Liza explained.

“I see.  Mrs. Appleby it’s not nearly as bad as some people make it out to be.”  Nurse Carol began.

“That sounds promising.  Can I hold you to that ?”  Mrs. Appleby asked pointedly.

Nurse Carol smiled tentatively, “It does get noisy inside the MRI Machine, and the length of time that it takes bothers a lot of people.  But if you Breath deeply, Close your Eyes and Relax, it’s not that bad.”

“Are you into that Meditation thing like my Girls are ?  Deep Breathing and lowing like a cow that needs milking ?”  Mrs. Appleby asked.

“No Mrs. Appleby,”  Nurse Carol chuckled.  “But Breathing deeply will help you to Relax.”

“I’ll Pray to my Maker for Deliverance, and Breath as deeply as I can for all of you.”

“That’s all we’re asking, Mama,”  Liza said agreeably.

“Mrs. Appleby, you’ll have to remove anything on your body that may contain metal,”  Nurse Carol instructed.

“I’ve already done that, young lady,”  Mrs. Appleby answered.

“What about your dental bridges, Mama ?  You‘ll need to remove those before We go in for the MRI,”  Liza reminded her Mother.

“I’m the one going into the MRI Machine, Liza.  And why on Earth do I need to remove my Teeth ?

“The MRI Machine won’t tolerate anything metal, Mrs. Appleby,”  Nurse Carol explained.

“Well, I’ll Be.  Y’all sure know how to strip a Being of all of their dignity.  I can’t believe that I’ll have to run through this Clinic half naked and with no Teeth in my Mouth,”  Mrs. Appleby complained.  “Carol, have you got a cup of water for my Bridges ?”

“Yes, Mrs. Appleby, please place them into this plastic receptacle.  I’ll seal it up with its lid, and leave all of your things in your Daughter’s Care,”  Nurse Carol said.  “Now, if you’ll follow me.”

“I’m all yours, young lady.”  Mrs. Appleby padded down the hallway behind Nurse Carol holding the back of her drafty gown together as best she could.

Nurse Carol opened another door, and she and Mrs. Appleby were greeted by another young female.

“Hello, Mrs. Appleby, my name’s Marjorie.  How are you today ?”  asked the young female MRI Technician.

“You don’t want to know the answer to that question, young lady,”  Mrs. Appleby replied.

The female MRI Technician smiled widely, “We’ll try to make this as pleasant an experience for you as possible, Mrs. Appleby.  Let’s go ahead and get you up on the MRI’s Table, and I’ll explain a few things to you before we slide you into the Tube.”

“Slide me in and slide me out of the Tube just like toothpaste are we ?”  Mrs. Appleby asked.

Marjorie laughed politely,  “Something like that.”

Mrs. Appleby laid down on the cold, hard table.  “Alright, let’s hear the Rules for this Machine,”  Mrs. Appleby said.

Marjorie smiled down at Mrs. Appleby,  “The Rules are fairly simple, Mrs. Appleby.  You’ll need to lie perfectly still.  The MRI machine can get noisy, and the noises will change, but don’t let it bother you.  It’s all a normal process of the Machine.”

“Nothing about this process is normal, young lady.  How long will it take for the noisy MRI Machine to take all of the pictures that it needs ?”  Mrs. Appleby asked.

“Probably around thirty minutes.  Maybe longer.  It varies.’  Marjorie replied.

“Nothing like being a Variable,”  Mrs. Appleby sighed.  “Thirty minutes ?  I may just go ahead and take my afternoon nap in this Contraption while y’all take your pictures.  Alright, let’s get on with it.  I’m anxious to get this over with.”

With that said, Mrs. Appleby was slid into the MRI Tube.

Once inside the center of the MRI Machine, an overhead loudspeaker came on.  A young male Voice said,  “Mrs. Appleby, just wanted to remind you about the noises, and about remaining perfectly still.  Just remember, whatever you hear is normal to the Machine. So, don‘t worry.”

“There’s nothing normal about being inside this Machine, young man.  Nor about your Voice coming out of nowhere to tell me not to worry,”  Mrs. Appleby answered.

“Mrs. Appleby, we need you to be Quiet now,”  the young male Voice announced.

“You’re the one still talking, young man,”  Mrs. Appleby snapped.

Silence.

Mrs. Appleby could feel the Machine going to work around her.  She could hear a low humming surrounding her Body.  Suddenly the humming was replaced with some surprising sounds.

“Good Lord, do you hear that racket ?  All of those high and low pitches ?  What’s doing that ?  That can’t be right.  Are you sure this Machine’s not breaking down with me in it ?”  Mrs. Appleby asked aloud.

The young male Voice came back onto the loud speaker inside the MRI Machine, ”Mrs. Appleby, you need to be quiet and remain still, please.  Everything you’re hearing is normal.”

“Would you please stop saying that, young man !”  Mrs. Appleby exclaimed.

Bang !  Bang !  Bang ! Bang !

“What in the World !  Who’s that Banging around on the outside of this Contraption.  I knew something wasn’t right !  Stop that Banging out there !

Don’t y’all know that I’m in here ?  Are y’all doing repairs out there with me inside this Machine ?  You can just let me out of this Contraption, right now !  I mean it !  If y’all don’t let me out of this Clap Trap, I’ll crawl right out of here !”  Mrs. Appleby yelled.

“I’ll go get her Daughter out in the Waiting Room.  Mrs. Appleby has Dementia.  Maybe her Daughter can calm her down,”  Marjorie said as she moved quickly toward the door to the hallway.

“Can y’all hear me ?  I said slide me out of here or I’ll crawl right out as soon as I can get turned around in here !  Mrs. Appleby continued to holler.

Marjorie rushed in the door with Liza in tow.

“I’m so sorry.  Mama has Dementia.  I think she’s already forgotten why she’s in the MRI Machine,”  Liza explained in between breaths.

“Mrs. McGillicutty,” the young male MRI Technician said, “I’m not sure we’ll be able to give your Mother an MRI.  She may not be up to it.”

“Can y’all hear me out there ?!  Hello ?!  Hello ?!  Can anybody out there hear me ?!  Let me out of this Contraption, right now !  I’m not staying inside this horrible Machine, not one more second !  I mean it !  Y’all let me out of this insidious Toothpaste Tube !  Somebody help me !”

The young male Voice came back onto the MRI’s loud speaker,  “Please, calm yourself and lie still Mrs. Appleby.  We’re sliding you out of the MRI right now, Ma’am.”

“Best news I’ve heard all day, young man.  Who are you anyway ?  And where are You ?”  Mrs. Appleby wondered out loud.

The Table slid out of the MRI Contraption, and Mrs. Appleby popped up and popped off of the Table in one fell swoop.

Liza walked over to her disheveled and disgruntled Mother.

“Did you hear all of that Banging around, Liza ?  It was awful.  Someone was Banging around on the outside of that Contraption with a Hammer while I was in it !  Who runs this place ?  I’m going to give them a piece of my Mind !”  Mrs. Appleby said insistently.

“Mama, no one was Banging on the Machine.  Those are Sounds the MRI machine makes while it’s taking pictures,”  Liza tried to explain.

“I’ve taken photographs my whole life, Liza.  And never have I worked a Camera that made loud noises, and behaved like that oversized picture taking Monstrosity !”  Mrs. Appleby argued.

Seeing her Daughter’s expression of concern, Mrs. Appleby took a deep breath and said less loudly, “Honey, I Love you.  But I am not getting back into that scary Contraption.  I want to get dressed and go on Home.  I don’t want to waste money or another minute on terrifying MRI’s or Cancer Treatments.  I don’t want to linger and rot away in some hospital room somewhere.  Just have the doctor give me some medicine for pain, and take me back Home.”

“If I were younger, I’d feel differently.  I’d fight this Breast Cancer.  But I’ve lived a Good, Long Life.  I have four wonderful Daughters who have Given me several wonderful GrandChildren and Great GrandChildren to Love and Enjoy.  I’ve Lived my Life.”

“Now, let me go on Home and Live out the rest of my Life on my terms surrounded by the people, animals and surroundings that I Love and Cherish.”

“Yes Mama.  I love you, too,”  Liza said tearfully.  “All of us just want to keep you in our Lives for as long as we can.”

“I understand that darling, but please, let me Live out the rest of my Life, and meet my Maker on my terms,”  Mrs. Appleby said gently.

“Yes, Mama.”

Mrs. Appleby gave her Daughter a warm Hug and said, “Now, where are my clothes and my Teeth ?  I’d like to pick up a turkey sandwich on our way Home, and I’ll need something to chew it with."