Ma and Pa Mockingbird's Gerrymandering Adventure with a Filibustering Drone Ctitter

Ma, Pa and Chick Mockingbird get a few Life's Lessons with a Human Bein'' Drone Critter, Gerrymanderin' and Filibusterin'

“Ma ! Ma ! Look out below. I’m flyin’ into the Nest hard and fast !” Pa Mockingbird squawked as he awkwardly dove into The Mockingbird’s Nest, knocking Ma Mockingbird off of her feet and flat onto her fanny.

 

“Pa, what in tarnation !” Ma Mockingbird scolded as she got back up onto her feet dusting the debris off of her ruffled feathers. “You know the Rules for entering Our Nest. You fuss at Chick almost every day about his slowing down and entering Our Nest respectfully. Some Role Model you are.”

 

“I’m sick and tired of those dad-blamed Drone Critters, Ma. Sick and tired of ’em. Look at my tail feathers. Just looky here. That gol durned flyin’ human contraption snipped the tops off of two of my middle tail feathers. I won’t fly straight until some new ones grow in.” Pa Mockingbird grumbled.

 

“Those dad gum drone critters are a real nuisance, Ma. We’ve been flyin’ the friendly skies, and sharin’ those very same skies with all sorts of other flyin’ critters for years. But these Drone Critters are just plain rude and invasive. A Bird has got Rights, too. The Mockingbirds deserve privacy and safety, too. The Humans aren’t the only Living Things on this good great Earth. I’m gettin’ plum tired of dodgin’ and bein’ chased out of the skies by those dastardly critters.”

 

“If they’re not zippin’ and blippin’ around playin’ Eye-Spy takin‘ pictures of everyone and everything in their path, they’re spittin’ out rapid fire bullets or droppin’ exploding’ pellets called bombs. It’s plain nerve wrackin’ ! A Bird should be able to fly out of his Nest to look for food or foolishness any time he pleases, and not have to worry about making it back to his Nest in one piece.” Pa Mockingbird took another look at his clipped tail feathers and shook his head in frustrated indignation.

 

“Speakin’ of makin’ it home safely, where’s Chick ?” Ma Mockingbird asked. “Did you leave our Son to the likes of that Drone Critter, Pa ?”

 

“Don’t go blamin’ me for the goin’s and comin’s of that young scalawag. That fledgling has got a mind of his own. I saw him flyin’ in high circles around Our Nesting Tree as I was hightailin’ it into Our Nest and away from that dad-burned Drone Critter.”

 

Ma Mockingbird looked up through the green boughs of the Mockingbird’s Nesting Tree until she located Chick flyin’ high above them. “Chick ! For heaven’s sakes, what are you doin’ flying around in circles up there ? There’s a renegade Drone Critter flyin’ around out there. You fly on down to the Nest right now, young fledgling.”

 

“Yes Ma’am ! I’ll be down directly.” Chick called back.

 

“Buzzards fly in circles around dead or dyin’ things, Chick. Not Mockingbirds,” Pa Mockingbird chortled.

 

“I’m not pretendin’ to be a stinkin’ buzzard, Pa. I’m practicin’ Gerrymanderin’,” Chick proudly explained.

 

“Gerrymanderin’ ? Pa Mockingbird scratched the back of his head with his left foot. “Why, Son you must be sufferin’ from air sickness due to flyin’ so high for so long. Gerrymanders are dee-licious little amphibians that flip around river beds and trees. They’re fast little ‘Manders, though. With eyes as big as bi-noculars. You gotta fly in low and quick to pluck up one of those critters. But they’re worth it. Umm, umm ! Yes Siree, dee-licious !”

 

“Chick, your Pa must be hungry, ‘cause he’s got Salamanderin’ mixed up with Gerrymanderin’. Although, I must admit that Salamanderin’ and Gerrymanderin’ are both steeped in some mighty Predatory and Territorial notions,” Ma Mockingbird explained.

 

“Fact is that Gerrymanderin’ is a purely Human Being creation. It’s when one side wants to take an unfair advantage over another. You see Human Bein’s create livin’ spaces that they call counties, districts or states, like the state of Texas, that our Nesting Tree is rooted inside of. When the Human Bein’s decided to be what they call political and Vote folks in to represent what they think or what they think that they think.” Ma Mockingbird continued.

 

“What they think that they think, Ma ?” Chick queried.

 

“Yes, son. Human Beings are such confusin’ and unpredictable creatures that they even confuse and unpredict themselves on a fairly regular basis.”

 

“I’ll second that confusin’ and all too predictable unpredictable notion, Ma,” Pa Mockingbird interjected.

 

“What does all of that gobblety-goop have to do with Gerrymanderin’,

Ma ?”

 

“Well, when one Human Bein’ political party wants to have an advantage over another they Rig the Political Game by dividing up the districts or counties or states unevenly according to size or the population.”

 

“What difference does that make if every Human Bein’ gets a Vote, Ma ?”

 

“Well, the Human Bein’s livin’ in the United States of America don’t just depend on their own Votes. Instead, they have something’ known as an Electoral College.”

 

“What does goin’ to school have to do with Votin’, Ma ? I’m gettin’ confused.” Chick Mockingbird admitted in consternation.

 

“The Electoral College is not a school, Chick. It’s a political critter made up of Human Bein’s called delegates, who are chosen by their districts, counties or states to represent the bundlin’ of all of the Votes made for whatever Human Bein’ is runnin’ for whatever office from whatever political party they support. And those delegates have the last say in who really wins the election.”

 

“Then why do the Human Bein’s think that it’s so important for them to have a Vote if the Electoral College has the final say anyway, Ma ? It makes no sense.”

 

“Hurrumph, Human Bein’s have never been long on common sense, fledgling,” Pa Mockingbird observed.

 

“You’re both right. It makes no common sense to us. But the Human Bein’s seem to be comfortable with their created nonsense.” Ma Mockingbird stated matter-of-factly.

 

“But Ma, if the Human Bein’s are cheatin’ on one another and always changing’ the Lines of the Land to suit their political parties as they please, then the Electoral College is pretty dad burn useless.” Chick surmised.

 

“Watch your language, young fledgling. And yes, you’re right the Human Bein’s constantly cheatin’ on one another would render the Electoral College obsolete.” Ma Mockingbird offered.

 

“What’s obsolete mean, Ma ?” Chick asked.

 

“It means that Gerrymanderin’ makes the Electoral College outgrow its usefulness. That it’s no longer needed. Which is probably just as well, because the Human Bein’s have invented a machine called a Computer that can process and count things like singular Votes lickety-split. All the Human Bein’s really need to do is let everyone cast their One vote, and the deed would be done, tabulated and over with fairly and squarely. No more worrying about political hijinx, as long as they have Regulatin’ Regualtors watchin’ over the Voting Results.” Ma Mockingbird asserted.

 

“Heck, Ma,” Pa Mockingbird chuckled. “The Human Bein’s oughta’ rename it the Non-Electoral Kindergarten, and be done with it.”

 

“Pa ! Ma ! What’s that hoverin’ and bleepin’ above our Nesting Tree ?” Chick whispered while peering through the dense foliage of the Nesting Tree.

 

“That gol durned Drone Critter is back to harass me some more“, Pa Mockingbird exclaimed. “I’ll not let it have another tail feather ! I’ve had it !”

 

“Shhh, Boys. Just be quiet for a spell and let it pass. When it discovers that nothin’ excitin’ is goin’ on here. It’ll mosey on. No need to let it win this Filibuster. We‘re holdin‘ most of the cards, as long as we stay put, stay quiet and play it smart.” Ma Mockingbird recommended.

 

“That Drone Critter is unfairly Gerrymanderin’ our Family Nesting Tree,

Ma ! I will not hide from that mechanical monster. I won’t do it, I tell you ! Pa Mockingbird whispered loudly.

 

“Stay right where you are, Pa and Chick. Don’t you boys move from the spots you’re standin’ in. We will wait that Drone Critter out. We will Filibuster its activities, not visa-versa. It’ll fly back to its Human Bein’ Master before long. I’m not allowin’ some terrible, invasive machine to Gerrymander me out of my Nest. I’m not lettin’ a cold-blooded, intrusive whirring contraption to chase me out of my Home.  I’m Standing My Ground !” Ma Mockingbird tweeted forcefully.

 

“You’re right, Ma. We’ll all Stand Our Ground, together. We can out-Filibuster that Gerrymanderin‘ Drone Critter any time, night or day.” Pa Mockingbird ruefully agreed. “ Have we gotta’ Human Bein’ phone book to read anywhere in this Nest, Ma ?”

 

“Shhh, It’s getting’ closer, Pa,” Chick Mockingbird wheezed.

 

“Bleep ! Bleep ! Whiz ! Whirr ! Zip ! Beep ! Zap !”