F**k where am I going with my life. Four years of making coffee in Starbucks for cheeky arseholes. I'm studying Journalism even though I know I don't want to be a journalist. My relationship is a joke. This is a low point.
Two pensive hours pass before the softness of my pillows lures me into drifting ... drifting ... n i close my eyes. I can hear a woman...shouting something crude...an ambulance siren...
My television buzzes to life
by itself
the fuzzy channel
My stomach sinks. My eyes dart around the room:
nothing nobody
Paralysed
Sweat
It's not possible. I switched it off at the plug. I remember switching it off at the plug. I couldn't have switched it off. The black and white dots fuse on the screen.
Wretched rasping
a creature in pain
in my cupboard
What is in my cupboard. What is trying to scare me. I moan weakly. I can't handle this. I don't like this. I can't handle this. A tear leaks out of my eye. I sit up in bed.
Haaaaaaaaaa
I'm clawing the covers. 'Come out' I try to say. I bite my bottom lip. I swipe my tears away. I put a foot on the floor. Then the other foot. I'm trembling. I can't handle this. I stand
I'm slowly becoming a fan of active first person writing. This is a classic example of that style. The reader is stuck between allowing their eyes to rush through the action and getting stuck on each word as it tugs at their insides.
The idea of a creature "in" something is a fear founded in childhood and when it comes back to haunt an adult (I'm assuming) the result is absolutely chilling.
I like the ambiguity of whether shi-- stuff is actually going down or if it's brought on by anxiety and stress.
I think Micheal is wrong about the fact of it being erratic and messed up. I mean, it is, but it reflects the story itself. This guy is blatently feeling genuinely messed up. It brings it to life more. And I feel that the wording shouldn't be particularly advanced because this guy has become so frightened it's like he is reverting to being a terrified little child. It's like he is thinking like one.
Also, I don't think that this is happening to the person but I believe it is his dream after he has fallen asleep. I reckon that he finds his conscious life so tedious and mundane that his unconscious comes to life to create drama and excitement. Trying to make him feel alive again. However banging his head against the television screen does imply that this may indeed be the road to insanity.
this is....interesting & unique. it sounds like this person is slowly going insane. You have a lot of creativity & a talent for the bizarre. i really like the end of this story, the person banging his head against the glass of a tv screen. an interesting read for sure.
I hope someone came to your "Emotional Rescue." I like the way you wrote this...it's raw and explosive. Kind of how I feel right now after getting home from work. I have a stress ball, I'm going to give it a go. One thing I really like here is how you let yourself go and say what you want. Good stuff!
i'm not sure what you are trying to accomplish in form, seems erratic and messed up, although the creative intent is there, i would take the form back to the drawing board, and while you are at it, leave out the bland wording for more applicable sensations based on the emotion, something this raw needs a base, not bad though, i could feel the idea come to life, just not where it could be, the talent is definitely there, thanks for sharing.