So This Is How It Is

Considering she'd already broken up with me, I was oddly nervous about speaking my mind to Beck. I realized my heart was thumping rapidly as I approached her house, and palms were sweaty inside their yarn gloves. I couldn't understand why this should unsettle me so badly.

I'd loved her for so long. 

But that was then.

I'd started down the path of Conclave in the first place as a way to get her back.

But Conclave wasn't what I expected, was it?

I'd slept with her last night.

But she'd basically given me a waiver, hadn't she? "It doesn't have to mean anything" and all that. It wasn't easy to separate the emotions from the act, but she'd insisted that it was possible. That last night had been about fun and release. Not about Tyler and Beck.

I hesitated before pressing the doorbell, branded hand hovering over the glowing orange button. "Calm down," I told myself. "You're already broken up. This is just... punctuation."

Yeah.

Just telling her how it was going to be. For both of us. 

I pressed the button. A muted "bing... bong" sounded, and I listened for the familiar thumping of Beck's feet on the stairs. To my surprise, the door swung open after a moment of silence. She must have already been on the first floor.

I stepped in, looking around the door for Beck, and saw no one. I was just getting around to being puzzled when she called to me from the top of the stairs, Text in one hand, silvery gleam radiating from the other.

"How cool was that?"

My stomach performed its familiar and inexplicable flop. She'd learned the Force spell, and for some reason that put me on my toes.

"Really cool. Want to come downstairs?"

She waggled her eyebrows at me. "Why don't you come up, instead?"

"Beck..."

"I'm kidding," she sighed, and bounced down to my level, still holding her Text. "You have a serious face on. Everything okay?"

"Yeah... want to sit down?"

Her face fell. "What's going on?"

I turned away, towards the living room, sighed, and turned back around to face her. "I don't know how to say this at all, so I'm just going to say it. You were right to break up with me. We shouldn't get back together. We should go our separate ways."

I couldn't meet her eyes, so I busied myself staring at the floor. She didn't say anything for awhile though, so after a minute I looked up.

Her eyes were wide, and brimming with tears. Her perfect, heart-shaped face was pale and trembling, and she stared at me with an expression of what I thought was disbelief.

"I don't... but... why?"

Her voice was heartbreaking. I hate how girls can do that. I immediately felt evil. "You were right about me. I'm not going the same direction as you. I'm not the kind of person you deserve. And I can't give you the future you want."

She sat back on the stairs, ignoring the tears streaming freely down her face. I figured it was impossible to be any more disgusted with myself, so I went on. "You and I want really different things. I see that now. And trying to keep... this... going, while living such incompatible lives... it wouldn't be fair to either of us."

"But... we're Conclave... aren't we? We're the same, now."

I shook my head, not meeting her eyes. "Conclave... isn't what I thought it was. I'm not going to be like them. I have to go my own way."

"I don't understand."

"I know," I said, still not looking at her. "But you'll be much happier if you don't have to worry about me."

"What are you talking about?" she sobbed, rocking back and forth a little, clutching her Text to her chest. "You're not making any sense!"

I leaned back against the wall, studying my shoes. "Conclave is a bunch of spoiled rich kids. They just screw around and congratulate themselves on being awesome. I don't want to be a part of that."

"Why shouldn't we have a nice life? You know how hard I've worked! You know I deserve this!" Beck was shaking her head now, as if to deny my accusations on behalf of the Conclave. "You just don't appreciate it because you've never worked for anything! So anyone who has, well, they must be some kind of idiot!"

I nodded. "That must be it," I muttered, unable to stop the sarcasm from seeping into my voice. "I don't want to live the high life because I'm lazy. That makes perfect sense." I turned to leave, realizing this was going to escalate into a fight instead of the reasoned discussion I'd imagined.

I heard the unmistakable and chilling sound of rustling pages. "We're not done," hissed Beck's suddenly angry voice.

"Wait," I started to shout, wheeling to face her, holding my hands up like someone being mugged-

"Asko Veronai!"

I closed my eyes against the blue-white lightning flash, crashing backwards into the closed door, instantly numbed and burned by the all-consuming cold. I blinked my eyes open and found myself stuck fast to the door, the fabric of my coat frozen solid against the painted wood. Frost and ice covered me and part of the door, thickest around my shoulders and wrists. The foyer, however, remained untouched.

Somehow she had controlled the spread of her ice spell, with eerie precision. Less than twenty-four hours ago, that same Glyph had frosted her entire kitchen, radiating randomly from her Text. 

"How did you do that," I chattered, trying in vain to free my arms, "and more importantly, what the f**k are you thinking?!"

Beck stepped down and looked me in the eye, her lovely eyes as cold as the ice on my coat. "You come here and f**k me, after all the s**t I put up with, and you think you can just come back a day later and say we're done?"

Uh oh.

"You said it was just-"

"I don't care what I said! You should know better! I thought we were starting to get better!"

I tugged at my arms violently, hearing the fabric start to pull apart. "I should have known better. I shouldn't have come last night and I shouldn't have come now! You're completely insane!"

She twitched. Against my will, I felt a thrill of fear.

"What did you say?"

"I said you're insane," I said, choosing bravado. "You can't just blast me with a spell whenever you disagree with me!"

"I can do what I want! I'm Conclave! I'm supposed to be Conclave, unlike you! If I want to use my Text, I will!"

"On me?"

"On whatever. You think you can just do what you want with me and leave when you're done?"

I realized the coat was going nowhere, but managed to free my wrists a little. I shrugged out of my grandfather's army coat and left it frozen to the door, hanging as though crucified. "I wanted to come here and be reasonable. You're the one throwing things in my face. Including a f*****g Glyph that could easily have killed me."

"Don't be such a baby."

"Don't be such a goddamn maniac!"

She glanced down to her Text, and without thinking, I swung my branded hand and smashed it out of her grip. She fell back, glaring at me, as her book thumped to the floor. "No more of that," I hissed, cradling my hand. Apparently touching her Text had burned me, somehow. 

"Fine." Beck looked up at me, a hurt expression on her face. Without the Text in hand, she stopped looking sinister and started looking pathetic. "Fine. Just go."

"I didn't want it to be like this," I said, very honestly. I reached into my coat, still hanging on the door, and withdrew my own Text. "I just wanted to talk. But you've proven me right."

"I was willing to try," Beck whimpered.

"We did try, and it was awful. I haven't felt right since I found this stupid book. But you know what? It's all been you. The Text is cool, Conclave I can deal with, even Lee is all right when you get to know her."

"Oh, this is about Lee?"

"No. This is about you. You're jerking me around, messing with my head, changing your mind, talking me into... that! Everything would be all right if I was free of you!"

"Fine!" she shrieked, cutting me off. Her little hands were balled into fists. "Fine! Go! You're free! Get out of my house!"

I knocked some melting ice off the doorknob and opened the door. "You can keep the coat. It's cold in your room."

And I left.

Reviews

[Ness]

She's an evil ex now! Lol. I think the argument about them sleeping together was very realistic...men usually look at things literally like, "you said there were no strings attached" and women sometimes say things that they dont mean but shes all "I don't care what I said"...although the man shouldve known better, esp Trick, it cant all be blamed on him

[UponATyme]

I knew I didn't like that b***h for a reason. Good chapter, the fight got me on edge. I wish Trick didn't have to part with his grandfather's jacket though =(