How To Take Care Of A Woman

Trying to decode the great cosmic wonders

How To Take Care Of A Woman

Give her teeth.  Women like teeth

Women like attention.  Give her babies

Marry her but only once

Drive her to the cliff but never over it

Hold her hand because holding her feet looks ridiculous

Wave bright and shiny things in front of her

Never rattle her.  Never call her “Hey you!”

Write her name down to remember it

Use string.  Don't call her String.

Give her cats, puppy dogs and a loaf of bread

And don’t forget the eggs and milk

Dress her like a clown because clowns are fun

If you must, put her in a box…. because you must!

Make sure it has holes for breathing

Take her sky diving. Sometimes parachutes are required.

Give her duct tape. Duct tape can fix anything, even marriages

Take her to bed because trampolines are complicated

Tell her a joke

The one about, what did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It didn’t say anything but let out a little wine

Lead her not into temptation but to the mall

Money will do the rest and do it all