Manual On Parenting - Didactic

Instructions on raising baby

Manual On Parenting - Didactic

Give a child life at birth

Make it a C section or natural

Feed them warm mammary milk

Give them two parents when possible

Cloth them in cotton and wool

Give them a bath because children stink

Teach them to think and about soap and water

Take them to the doctors when they are ill

Take children on long walks

Speak gently when you talk

Read two books to them at bedtime

Pray and eat every meal together

Cultivate good behavior by example

Instruct them to work hard and play harder

Give them candy after age thirty two

Answer all their questions with truth

Answer sex questions commensurate with their age

Give books filled with knowledge as gifts

Educate them first at home

Teach them fishing, sports and especially golf

Teach children about love

Drop them off at school and a place of worship

Assign two body guards at all times

Drop them but never on their heads

Slap them if they get fresh

Slap them twice if liberals are present

Send children to self defense classes

Kiss them on the forehead and cheek

Say I love you one hundred times a week

Buy them a toy car or real one if you have the money

Leave them to their own devices when they turn ninety

Conjure up hundreds of questions (Children are smarter than you think)

Advise them to live their own lives

Remind them they only live twice

(God will understand your answers)

Remind them frequently to sing and dance

Remind them to take a bath

*The road to success is always under construction.

Avoid destruction. Children need structure and instruction. Always love them.

Children are like plants. Give them plenty of water. Leave them alone to grow in the light.

Author's Note

I happen to have a boy and a girl. God bless the little monsters.