Personal Ad

Advertisement - Article - In need of something a little bit different

I'm looking for a female with a personality other than herself
Someone different from me. Tranquilized, homogenized and light
Traumatized by clowns and cotton candy
This individual should be alive at the time of this printing
You must come with instructions and triple A batteries
A turn off valve and buttons that say "off" are essential
This candidate needs a mouth, a nose and an eye
At least one, two would be preferable, three would be scary 
Four would be excessive. Five would be ridiculous.
I pay by the hour not by the eye

A head and ears are optional
Weight and height are your choice
The perfect candidate should be clearly invisible
Not hatched from an egg or manufactured in a mold
Make-up is required. There is no such thing as too much.
You must have good grades in math and take baths
You will be required to do my taxes and make sandwiches
I will pay you for your services with salted crackers
I am looking for a purely platonic relationship 
One that has no strings attached
Marionettes need not apply.

If you own pliers you can be my dentist
A person with low to no self esteem is perfect
I expect to hear from you but only if you speak
Once I get a phone, a shelter and my memory back 
With a copy of my completed income tax
You will be considered a person of interest
And not much more.... Unless you do windows
Then we can explore

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

Gave me a laugh. If you get any positive responses, let me know Earl :)

Chris

[Earl Schumacker]

Hi Chris, Thank you. So glad you enjoyed it. As you know, I get silly and sometimes write purely for fun and pleasure. People rarely comment on my works. Too bad....Even bad press is better than no press. No one has responded to my ad either. They must not like salted crackers...Have a great day. Earl

[Chris Shaw]

And you too Earl. I've got a wacky sense of humour. I like poetry that makes me laugh.

Chris