Today's List

Didactic provocative list poem

Today's List

Never die from natural causes

Shoot bullets into water instead

Drink wine with breakfast

Learn to take your heart attacks

Love them back with buttered bread

Make sure to clean your pistols daily

Return them to the store when you are through

Wear a crash helmet to bed for protection

Keep assault riffles under cover as pets

Invest in daylight savings time for safety

Take an aspirin if necessary

Bless them because they are small and round

Save some for doctors, priests and teachers

Open the wound on the present and the past

Open the window to success

Use computer print-outs to predict insomnia

Write down everything not said

Remember tomorrow is another day

Keep doors and closets closed for their protection

Last as long as you can incognito

Stop breathing...never mind...breathe

Walk with shoes in front of you

Think the way they do

Repeat the process as if they were alive

Play with matches that have no heads

Burn down conventions (they deserve it)

Change with the wind (but keep your clothes on)

Keep thoughts to yourself (but not the dirty ones)

Sell them to poor people in the park

Throw away the list and start anew

Think about tomorrow as it thinks of you

Author's Note

Read at your own risk and peril. Take it with a grain of salt or sugar cube or an aspirin or two and call me in the morning if I am in.