Trapped

This is a poem about my disgruntled life.

I've tried to justify my life, I try everyday.
       But what has more worth?
My happiness?
        Or pain?
In happiness is where I aught to walk but,
        pain is all I feel.
Is this pain and suffering just a dream, 
       or is it all too real?
I wish I knew the answer, maybe then I'd be contempt. 
      But until that time comes to leave,
I won't make another attempt.
                                     I will sit alone and wallow, 
         and listen to the song of a lonely swallow.
Just to remember, 
            That I'm not alone.
But even so,
        I'm filled with sadness.
Let me out of this world of madness.
              I can't deal with this pain anymore,
                                Please let me out of my mental cage and just let me explore!
Just one day, not wasted away is all I could ask for.
                But my own inner demons take hold of me, from the inside out.
And the outside in.
          I feel like I'm drowning,
I can't ever breath.
           For one wrong breath, makes me bleed.
My mind is filled with cracks and holes.
           But I have no mortar to fill them in.
So the fractures grow longer,
           and the darkness gets stronger.
And such is the mind of someone broken.
         I had a light,
it went out.
         And not even a match was lying about.
I couldn't restart it, 
               I haven't still.
So for now I'll watch the darkness approach my,
                windowsill.