Love thy Neighbour... mostly

Tobey fresh off a Bus is about to book himself into a caravan park, having lived most of his life in a city, he's about to get a few life lessons or two, when he meets his dodgey neighbour Shaun.

"How can I help you today?" Said the tiny old lady, from behind the counter.

"I believe I had a reservation for Myers" the scrawny young man replied. 

The lobby was tightly packed, roughly only a couple square metres, with only two weathered seats opposite a tightly packed snack shelf behind a dirty glass case. The back door behind the counter as left open with the wind blowing in second hand cigarette smoke. Made worse by the nineties desk fan that hung in the corner. It only seemed to blow the hot dessert air from the opened door on the young man's already sweaty face.

"Hang on, Love! I'll just check the 'puta!" Replied the old lady. 

As she waited impatiently for the dusty, and neglected computer to load, the young man noticed the red blemishes on her face and the nicotine stains on her remaining teeth. "Don't mind me, this bloody thing takes forever to load!" She said.

"All good!" The man replied. When in reality he'd just wished she'd hurry up. He had spent the last 16 hours from a bus ride from Brisbane, with the terrible air con and the rare bathroom stops that seemed to have gotten fewer the further he commuted from the comfortable city, he'd grown up in.

"Ah, here we go! Myers, Tobey?" She replied. "Yes that's cabin 3, just go out and turn right, just by the pool!" She handed him the key 

Tobey took the keys and turned to face the door. "Forgetting somethin'?" Called a voice from behind him. Tobey turned back around to notice the lady was pointing towards his suitcase.

"This isn't a five f*****g star hotel, y'know!" She laughed.

"Oh, my bad!" Exclaimed Tobey. He had grown up in a rich household, where he had became accustomed to being waited on by hotel staff whenever he went on holidays with his family. 

"You're not from around here are you?

Tobey grabbed his bag and replied, "No, I'm from Bris…"

"And we wipe our own arses out here, just so you know!" She continued. 

The last ten minutes could only be described as a culture shock to the privileged young man. He knew nothing about the world outside his home city and his University where he had spent the last four years studying literature and studies of human behaviour. 

It was actually the university that had hooked him up with a job over in this small town of Mariafield. It was a little away from creative writing, actually it was more to do with plants than great literature.

Tobey carried his suitcase out the door and proceeded onwards. 

"Right! You dickhead" he heard the lady's voice scream. 

"My bad!" He replied. He proceeded to count the cabins as he walked past. They were definitely old and weather-worn, rust stained aluminium sheets and rotting plaster boards that looked like they could do with more than a coat and half of paint. Even the grass had overgrown and possibly resembled Spinifex. The concrete he walked of was cracked, chipped and parts of it had long since buried in dust. 

Finally he reached a beaten up Cabin labeled with an upside down number 3 on the gate post, complimented by a mailbox with the top long since rusted away. He crept up the path to a timber patio that was painted in a dark green shade (probably to hide the dirt and dust). On the left of the door was an old plastic chair with a tin ash tray at the base, also a door matt that read "L com". The 'w' and 'e' on the end had long since been worn away with use.

He opened the door to see a very bogan version of a single birth accommodation, absolutely nothing from what he remembered on the brochure, but there was a bed in the corner, a dusty kitchen bench and a table (which he could slide over to plug in his laptop). 

He then proceeded to lay his suitcase on the floor, he didn't bother to unpack his clothes, he was too tired and couldn't be bothered but he took his laptop out and placed it on the kitchen Bench and dug around for his charger and plugged it in, now all he needed to do was to organise dinner later on.

 

Tobey did not remember seeing any pizza shops, subways or even a fast food shop on the way into the caravan park, but he remembered his cab driver from the ride from the bus stop mentioned a Pub that serves breakfast, lunch and dinner, and that everybody knew each other. 

After an hour of procrastination he finally relented and opted to go out and find this pub. 

The young Man did not bother to change out of the ACDC t-shirt and cargo pants, he’d worn since he left the City. Without a second thought he left his tiny hut of a cabin, locked the door with the key the old lady had given him, unwrapped his white earphones and plugged it into his phone and started trekking up the dirty pathway and past the reception building towards the large gateway. 

“Ahoy!” called a loud  male voice. Tobey ignored it and kept walking towards the gate. A reflex he had learnt on the train stations. He knew if he did not make eye-contact or reacted to any callings, whoever was pursuing him would tire out and look for another victim. One of his Mate’s from highschool was stabbed at a bus stop from making such a mistake. 

“Oi ya rude, C**t!” cried the voice. “I’m talking to you!” 

Tobey felt very uneasy, he did not bother to look behind him, he knew his safest bet was to keep walking. The voice sounded older, possibly not someone out to mug him, but he could he a predator, he thought. Whatever the case it was safe to keep ignoring him and walk off. 

The voice kept calling out to him, and he pretended to not hear. Though he did not have any tunes going in, he fronted like he was listening to one of his rock albums, started to bop his head to an imaginary rhythm. That did not deter his stalker as he could now hear the footsteps slowly creeping behind him. “I know you’re not listening to your music!” called the voice. The young Man felt very uneasy, through his soundless earphones, he could hear his heart beat thump louder and louder, almost as if a volume nob was slowly turning up the sound for the footsteps and his thump.

What a rude Man! Tobey thought. Even if he wasn’t looking for trouble, it was still to his standards impolite to bother someone who did not want to be bothered. 

“Mate! Do you want your f*****g phone or not?” 

Tobey felt his pockets, he realised he did not have his phone, he could only feel his wallet and key. After he realised the misunderstanding and the feeling of embarrassment he turned around to notice a short, tanned skinned Man, who was very skinny, smoking a rolled up ciggerette on a black holder, he wore a camo tank top and oddly swimming trunks. The Man appeared to be in his early fifties and the sun reflected off his bald scalp. In his other hand he held what appeared to be Tobey’s phone. 

“Bloody hell, C**t!” the older Man spoke. “My legs don’t work like yours anymore!” 

“I’m sorry there, Mate!” replied Tobey. “I just thought…”

“That I’m a f*****g junkie? Out to mug and rape you?” said the annoyed Bloke. “It’s broad daylight and every C**t here knows me!” 

Tobey did not know what else to say, so he appologised again and thanked the Man for his kind deed. The Man responded by holding the hand he just returned the phone with and said, “Names Shaun, I live in Cabin 2, and its fine! Ol Belle mentioned you were a bit of a weird frick.” 

Tobey forced a laugh, he kind of took it as a little bit insulting, but his better judgement told him it was not smart to make too many enemies too soon. “My names Tobey,” He reached out to return the handshake. 

Shaun gripped so hard it almost caused Tobey to yell, and then proceeded to pull the younger Man’s hand up and down with tremendous force, a force that nearly threw him off his feet. 

“So ya heading down to Bert’s?” Beamed Shaun.

“No, I’m going to the pub to grab a feed.” replied Tobey. “Maybe a beer”

“So you are going to Berts?” laughed Shaun. “That’s good because you owe me a Great Northen!” 

“Wait, what?!?” 

Shaun explained. “I done a favour for you, now you have this golden opportunity to repay the favour” 

“F**k off, you only walked perhaps ten steps” 

“At my crippling old age, I risked life and limb to be a good samaritan in your time of need, and you wont at least buy me a drink?” asked the old man. “That's cold!”

Tobey relented, he thought about it and he did not even know the way to the pub, all he knew was it was either not on the route he took from the bus stop or he had spent too long staring at his phone during the taxi ride. “Fine, you win! Which way is the pub?” 

“Only five hundred meters down the road, we can talk on the way!” replied Shaun. 

“Are you sure?” asked Tobey. “I thought walking at your ‘crippling old age’ was fatal?” 

“Nah, f**k that! I’ll get my car, wait here I’ll be back!” 

Tobey waited around for about ten minutes, he thought how long would it take for this old fella to get his car? He only lived next door to him and Tobey only remembered the walk from his cabin to the gate only took at least a minute. Maybe he went to get changed. Tobey thought he had better go and check on him, he noticed the sun was slowly sinking into the west, and nightfall was getting close as his stomach started to ache. 

The next minute a light grey Toyota Hilux sped out from down the road, the motor was so loud that Tobey quickly put his fingers in his ears as it drove up to him. The Hilux came to a sudden stop with Tobey just an inch away from the bonnet. He saw Shaun’s face, he had the look like he had seen a ghost. “GET IN, C**T!” he yelled. Tobey quickly climbed into the shotgun seat and before he could even reach his seat belt the old man switched steered towards the gateway, he pressed down on the accelerator and just as the engine made the noise that the speed had surpassed the gear, he quickly knocked the clutch over to forth gear. There was no time to react, it launched at least a hundred meters down the road, followed by a hard press on the steering wheel which nearly flipped the toyota on its side. 

“F**k! How fast are we going?” cried Tobey. 

“Calm down, C**t!” laughed Shaun. “I've been driving since I was twelve, I know what I’m doing.” 

“I think we’ve left the road, Shaun!” screamed the young Man. Who had noticed they have knocked a wire panel gate over and were now doing doughnuts in a field full of cows. 

“F**k the roads! We make our own now!” said Shaun. “Reckon this old girl can tip a Bull?” 

“WHAT? NO!!!” yelled Tobey. “Can you just stop the f*****g car before you kill us both?” 

“What’s the matter with you? I thought you young C***s love fast cars?” 

The 1997 Hilux was now chasing a large herd of Brahmen cattle, some on the left manage to turn off, while Tobey could see another Cow had released a very sloppy puddle from under its tail while running. 

“This is living life, Mate! Doesn't get any better than this!” said Shaun. 

The cows took off in random directions and caused a stampede, one or two of them muddied the trough water with their hooves, while others panicked and mooed in terror.

“Have it your way then.” sighed Shaun. “We’ll just rock up to the pub like a pair of pansies!” 

“Thank you!” replied Tobey. “Who’s yard was this anyway?” 

Shaun dropped the gear back and turned towards the direction of the gate, Tobey let out a quiet sigh of relief as the Hilux was no longer speeding like a formula one. “Hang on a second” Shaun stopped the Toyota. “You don’t mind getting out and picking that gate up?” 

“What? F*****g why me?” moaned the panic stricken young Man. 

“Because its not right, to leave the gate open for them cows to run a muck on the road”

“Well why the Hell did you drive over it in the first place?” asked Tobey. 

“I did you a favour by risking my own vehicle to take you to McIntyre’s paddock, petrol which I paid for on my pensioner’s cheque and I’m kindly taking you to the pub, so you can buy me a beer which you owe me.” Explained Shaun. 

“FINE!” yelled Tobey. “I’ll fricking lift the fricking gate for you!” He made it obvious he was frustrated with the Old Man’s manipulation. First he demands a drink for picking up his phone, then makes him wait on him in the hot walkway and now he wants him to get out and fix the gate for some random farmer who probably had just noticed his livestock in hysterics and is ready to shoot at the both of them. The only calming thought about all of it was he could just buy the Man a beer and he can go on by ignoring him for the remainder of his stay in this ‘s****y’ small town. After all Tobey’s only known him for less than an hour and he’s been nothing but trouble, only further trouble can come by associating with this lunatic.

Tobey had a quick look around. The Cattle have now settled, just picking away at what remained of the patches of grassland that wasn’t wrecked by four-wheel drive tracks. At least there was no angry farmer in sight. After all, the young Man fresh out of University, fresh in a new town did not want to make more enemies, especially on his first night. He picked the gate up and rested it against the wooden posts. The hinges were definitely snapped. The Farmer will definitely notice. Hopefully the herd of Cows in the paddock wont. 

“That will do! Get in!” called the voice from the Driver’s seat. “C’mon we havn’t got all arvo!” 

The ride was peaceful for at least a few minutes, both Men sat in total silence. Tobey was too annoyed with the older Man to even pretend to take interest in him and Shaun was most likely annoyed that his new friend was a ‘buzzkill’ and a wet blanket. 

That peace was short-lived when a loud ringing noise came from Shaun’s pocket. Tobey could see a bright white rectangle shape resonate from his swimming trunks. “F**k!” exclaimed Shaun. He slowed down only momentarily. Long enough to fish the phone out of his pocket. “Here” he said. As he passed the phone to Tobey. “Answer it!” 

Tobey’s mind raced. What if it was this ‘McIntyre’? Or someone else the old Man had pissed off previously? Tobey’s heart beated louder, his stomach ran cold.

“Get fucked!” he replied. “No way in hell am I answering that! After all I just went through!”

“I can’t answer it, I am driving! It is illegal!” 

“How do I know it’s not that Farmer? My Cab Driver mentioned all you guys here know each other! I’m not getting involved in your s**t storm, Shaun.” The phone kept ringing until it rung out. Tobey let out a sigh of relief. Then it rung again, this time Shaun threw it into Tobey’s lap. 

“Just f*****g anwser it!” 

“Fine!” replied Tobey. “But I’m putting it on speaker!” 

Tobey looked at the android smart phone, looked at the screen, felt a huge sigh of relief when he read the caller’s name, it didn’t read “McIntyre” it read “Belle”. He remembered Shaun mentioned when they first met fourty minutes ago that Belle said that Tobey was a ‘weird frick’. The old Lady and the Cab Driver were the only two people he’s met and ‘Belle’ would be an odd name for a male Cabbie. He thumbed the red circle on the phone and dragged it to the side of the screen until it turned green. 

“WHERE’S MY F*****G TRUCK!” he heard the old Lady’s enraged voice scream. 

So it became apparent that this Toyota Hilux did not belong to Shaun, but it had actually belonged to the little, old Caravan Park owner. Shaun must have spent the ten minutes thumbling through Belle’s quarters, searching through her belongings for her keys. 

“My bad, love!” replied Shaun nervously. “I needed to get to town to buy some medicine for my *cough gout. *cough *cough.”  Tobey thought to himself how they were the worst fake coughs he had ever heard someone attempt. Having spent the last four years at university where fellow students would call in sick to their lecturers or their bosses (with drink or bong in hand.) 

“GOUT ISN’T A RESPIRATORY INFECTION, YOU IDIOT!” screamed Belle. 

Tobey felt very nervous, almost as nervous as Shaun looked. He wondered if Belle knew of his involvement? If so, how little? Not that it would matter to someone who just found their car was missing. What if she kicked him out for his part in this? What if she would yell at him like she did with Shaun. 

“But mine has evolved! It has spread to my lungs, if I don’t get to the pharmacy soon I could very well ex…” 

“Just stop, okay!” Belle’s voice snapped. “This is the sixth time you’ve borrowed my Car! The last time you’ve told me were taking your sick Aunt to the hospital and you came back so drunk you ran my car into my f*****g Dessert Roses!” 

“What! You expect me to walk two kilometers into town carrying my sick Aunt?”

“NO! I expect you to have a sick Aunt and I expect you to be driving it to Deadwood Hospital and not to be driving my Car two kilometers away to Bert’s” replied the frustrated old Lady. 

Tobey could sense that Belle was, if not, more annoyed with Shaun’s chronic lying than he was. He wondered how long they’ve known each other? He knew he had to cough, but he tried with all his will to not alert the angry Caravan owner of his presence. 

“Just get your feed, and your grog and if you’re anywhere near as drunk as last time, then get ‘Weirdo’ to drive you both back, I don’t care if he has a license or not! There aren’t any cops for miles!”

“Okay! Will do my Lovely Belle” replied Shaun. His tone changed to as if he was talking to a Baby or perhaps a Dog. “I will do as you say!” 

“And Shaun?” asked Belle’s voice. This time in a calmer tone.”Pouch of Rothmen’s Blue 50 grams, seeing as I’m doing you a favor by not radioing the Sheriff in Deadwood on your lying arse!” she hung up. 

They pulled up at a larger building with a red roof and in white, basic gothic character that could be seen on the tin sheets, barely due to the setting sun it read “BERTS”. 

“How did she know I was in the Car with you?” asked Tobey. 

“She isn’t an Idiot.” replied Shaun. The older Man turned the keys and the engine stopped dead. They were parallel parked on the side of the building, less than five meters away from the main entrance. “And she installed a security camera, I think after the third or fourth time I borrowed her car!”