The Untimely Murder of Thirteen Interns at the Undersized Hands of Someone Who Resembled Dr. Edelbert McMaximillianson, But Was In Fact A Diminutive Mutated Pseudo-Clone of Him With Severe Anger Management Issues

a macabre sesquipedalian poem

The formerly venerable Dr. Edelbert McMaximillianson was once held in very high esteem for his multitudinous contributions to science and medicine.

He was often compared (to his unabashed gratification) to Leonardo da Vinci, or Thomas Edison.

Yet the ignominy of his terminal years cast a shameful umbra on his otherwise august reputation;

Shamefully smearing his life’s work, his legacy, with the figurative excrement of moral degradation;

For this perspicacious but increasingly demented old scientist devised a scheme to engineer a diminutive replication of himself, to assist

In scientific exploration, experimentation, and even general ambulation and cogitation

(e.g., to think of things that Dr. McMaximillianson might have missed).

None of this, of course, as yet seems reprehensible;

In fact, in a way, the scheme seems rather sensible.

It was a simple enough procedure for the emanent scientist to execute;

He simply ran a polyholomicrosampling procedure on himself, took a biochemical analysis using the retropsychoneural gylospection processor, mixed in a bit of leftover ichthyo-orcine fœtal tissue for filler, and popped the concoction into the biogenetic-hypervexiclute

For exactly one second,

According to the tedious calculations Dr. McMaximillianson had reckoned.

Unfortunately for him, he forgot to carry his remainder:

A mistake of only 0.2 seconds, but enough to put him in significant danger.

For when his homuncular doppelgänger

Emerged, it was immediately apparent that he suffered from a deep and uncontrollable anger,

Which it promptly demonstrated by applying its deceptively abundant strength to constricting Dr. McMaximillianson’s bronchial passage with such force,

That within a few moments, Dr. McMaximillianson’s life had completed its course.

Whereupon the laboratory telephone rang and, probably due to curiosity,

The half-formed golem answered with great pomposity,

“This is the illustrious Dr. Edelbert McMaximillianson.” Then he chuckled to himself with mischievous merriment.

“Your interns are here sir, to record the results of your experiment.”

“Excellent,” he said with a grin,

“Send them in!”