TEMPEST

TEMPEST

   part one

 

She stepped outside for a smoke.  While she

was gone there was a whisper of wind in the

eves, then it became a howl.

 

Worried, I looked out and she slammed the door

in my face.   Then it struck.

 

The house shook and rattled---- she pounded on

the door, violently. Bangng, banging, crashing.

Racing to the door, the door flew open before I could

reach it----- she was gone.

 

As a violent wind tore at the house, screaming as

that of a tortured banshee.  The lights went out.

poles down, power off.  The screaming wind a

crescendo in the darkness---- faintly as in  a great

distance, her voice, above the terrible storm, a faint

almost imperceptible human penetrating the curse.

 

Grieving for her, lost in the violence and the dark,

the boat, what can be happening to our beloved

boat lashed to the dock of the bay ?

 

Armed with a flashlight, struggling to stand-----

there she was crashing against the dock, horrible

noise filling the rainsoaked wind and above the

sounds of the storm her voice faintly, ever so

faint, through the howling , tearing sounds of the

night.  H e l  p   m e..........

Reviews

[Blank]

I like being thrown right into the middle of a story, right in the middle of the action... I don't want it all laid out in easy-to-digest-spoonfuls -- I'm an intelligent person, I can figure it out as the story goes. So I really appreciate the way this story opens up. Your writing has a fluidity about it and you set a scene very nicely.

I'm not much of a grammar critic, but I did notice "Bangng, banging, crashing." otherwise I enjoyed the dashes and uses of ellipsis to create breaks in the narrative.

The mention of the boat threw me off a bit, but perhaps the boat and it's significance is explained in further installments? Either way, it's a very interesting start. Thank you for sharing.

[icelandicblue]

You pull the reader in with great skill. The suspense was taut and I couldn't help wonder if there was more than just a storm brewing. I look forward to reading the next chapter. That boat means something and I am looking forward to finding out.

[Dipanjan Dutta]

A great first part...and would really like to read the next part(s)...good work...thanks for sharing

[Akshay]

I love this, I love this with so much passion that it makes me wish that I could write this well. Thank you so much for sharing this.

[Shane Blackheart]

I would be interested to see a part two to this, if you ever felt inclined to write one. This was very good, and it was attention-grabbing for sure.

[Courtney]

Such a thrilling story.. I was enthralled by your imagery, and whether or not there is a part two in the future, I find this to be such a profound piece as is.. Truly well done.

[Shellie]

Cant wait to see what the boat stands for and the story that part brings but this was an amazing scene. I like the fact its called Tempest and your words and phrases mirrored the onslaught.

[Renée]

makes me wonder several things...
but I shall wait for the next chapter..to see the outcome of this "Tempest" ...