Friendly

This one goes flat in the middle- need some help- so you all get it now.

We dance carefully now.

Confusion.

You are not to have this effect on me
Not when we are so alike
We were always close enough to cuddle,
Not afraid to embark in fisticuffs
And secure enough in our friendship to not
Worry
About undue sparks.

But�

I guess the house of our camaraderie got
Too warm
Too inviting
And temptation made its trespass.

Out one night,
Dancing,
Playing,
Too much booze.

My back against the wall of some club downtown
I should've transplanted that wall in front of me.
It was raining,
I was smoking,
And you were asking too many of the hard questions
About him.

I made the blunder of mistaking your curiosity
For brotherly concern.
But then you were touching my hair-
Suddenly all I could hear was the strange noise
Of our carefully built barrier
Crashing down.

It sounded like love-hate.
It sounded like some kind of passion.
It sounded like confusion.

You pinned
My arms
Above my head
And swooped in for a kiss.

Confusion.

I could not think
Racing through my mind were pinpoints of light and the phrase
�How in the hell did this happen?�
As I tried not to recognize my body�s
Response
To your
Foreign- yet- familiar touch.

Now we are guarded.
Layering our armor,
Like sweaters to protect from the cold.
We are more naked than ever.

Sweet confusion.

If I had known
How much our friendship would change,
Dear heart,
I would�ve kissed you back.

Author's Note

Criticize!

Reviews

[E. Maggard]

Cloud- thank you! I was hoping it was relateable, but had no idea if I was doing it right. I know I haven't been on here since the new position at work, but you still just made my day.

[Serend1p1ty]

Powerful write.
Even more so because I think many can relate.
I've been at this point before, except my reaction was to kiss back. I guess I was just lucky with the choice I made. Friendship & human nature, quite a confusing mix hey.
Great write, I love the style, it's really refreshing & powerful.
Helps suck the reader in.

Yours truly,
cloud6

[ST]

Ill come back with something bitchy to say in here then....you want critique!

(still I think its amazing how you direct your emotions to the poetic puddle of words)

[Twisted Words (Tom)]

Criticize? Ok, your face is twisted up kind of funny; makes me giggle.... what? Oh the poem! Of course. Yeah, well I read it all the way through which is a good sign because I often give up on poems or skip to the end when reading. I would not call any part flat. Not much waste... trimming the middle a bit might make it a little more ambiguous, which is not bad but balanced against saying all you want and creating the image which is clear right now. I love the ending that stabs with a point. The subject is great and some interesting phrases. (transplanted wall, layering armor, more naked) IMHO.

[Robert Luna]

I really love the way you write and capture such a raw energy among your words. You tell a tale so vividly that anyone that reads your words is able to see them and feel them rather than just read them. They do not remain just laying upon a page they take a life of their own. It is always a pleasure to read your words. I think this flowed really well and I am not really sure where you think it goes flat because I did not feel that at all. I thought you described so openly a scene of being lost in the moment and some what forgetting everything around you as the moment was all you could live for. But that is just my opinion.


Well Done!!!!!