Of She and Sky

Traditional..sure I can do that

The light upon her face reflects

A curve, kissed beauty glistens here

An eye, of heaven without peer

In heart, a praise to genuflect

 

In soul, a man is weak to thee

In mind, a lift of calming breeze

A glance, a tender grin to please

To touch the skin that He conceived

 

In death, welcome the depth of fire

The bed, invites eternal rest

My love, a shroud to wrap my view

 

In dark, my headstone kisses sky

The bell, a ring she waves a crest

She licks the final breath I drew

 

Reviews

[faryn wolff]

Yknow the whole traditional meter thing is nice and all, but it's especially nice when a stream-of-consciousness type poet such as yourself takes on the task of makin everythin all tidy & pleasant, and you still retain the uninterupted flow of emotion & soul that marks your poetry, so hey I guess I am saying that this is a lovely poem and I am delighted to have read it for it's not so much a matter of talent (but talent abound, see) as it is an expression of your metaphorical heart, very tender and lonesome & something I can read and be like 'oh hey. I feel that through these words. ' that's talent, sure man but really it's an exquisite act of bein human, like compassion, empathy etc, but...the opposite. i'm not eloquent this morning. need coffee.

[Dinesh Sairam]

Slant rhymes really do pay off in this poem. But, it's just me, that I don't believe in abba. I somehow feel it hinders the flow of the poem (Even with Wordsworth! Some of his abba poems are well below his talent). So, other than this silly point, the poem is great. Loved the classic feel to it.

Keep writing.

[Dushyant Thadani]

I actually enjoyed reading this. It was interesting, profound and strong. I wanna take training from you with the rhymes

[Robin]

oh now your showing off ...

you do limericks ?

[KellieJeanne]

How ever do you make rhymes sound so natural?
This makes me imagine a girl so perfect.
I f*****g love it.

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

Very good rhyme scheme. Beautiful sentiments. a line i am puzzled over ...

"A glance, a tender grin to please

To touch the skin that He conceived "..

he conceived the touch in his mind? -or did he conceive, procreate, the person he longs to touch?
GREAT line.. "She licks the final breath I drew "

[.]

This is Mr Monroe? well, blow me!! (no don't) marvellous! bloody marvellous..your talent is boundless it seems..enchanting, touching and tender...hmmm jealous..

[Crowley]

For a moment, I thought I was reading another EH Monroe.....but then I saw the shameless following below and new it is the hardcore b*****d that I know writing some absolutely fantastic stuff that is.....as far as I have seen...out of context and absolutely fabulous nonetheless. You can shift gears like Steve McQueen in the Vanishing Point, none of this Fast and Furious s**t, I'm taking old school stick playing, burning rubber til the crowd can't see you and doing a disappearing act like Harry F*****g Houdini. Great work stick man...I loved it.

[Tate Morgan]

i LIKE THIS IT IS COMPLICATED SOME TIMES THWE BEST WRITES ARE THE HARDEST TO CONSTRUCT .yOU DID WELL HERE .a COMPLICATED MELODY OF IN WRITING .

[A.A.Romanczuk]

I always liked to think Beauty hid in every crevice...a poem of love any woman would covet if it were to be put to such use and yet methinks the subject is a celestial body or perhaps even the firmament itself...yet I may be wrong...I hope that you choose to enlighten me :) I read three times before I reached that conclusion...that means this piece is exceptional