Waves (Alternate version)

This was my revision of the original. I decided against it, but posted it for a while to get a feel for other people's opinions.

 Toss me back and forth,

pull my ship  in every direction

I'm just here for the ride and

I like your lack of discretion

 

I don't know if an iceberg

will soon be in my path

I  just have to keep my eyes open

Try to throw that head back and laugh

 

The water's mostly nice, if a little cold cold cold

Every once in a while it splashes right up in your face

Through the drops, everything  look funny for a minute

But once you can see the water ahead, you wanna, you  wanna, you wanna jump in it

 

 

It doesn't look so bad from out here

 

 

It doesn't look so bad from out here

 

 

On land you can never be this free

Only jumping in can make you see 

Author's Note

My revision stemmed from the opinion that most people wouldn't feel the form of the poem. I wanted to give it a more aesthetic structure, but it takes away from the true frustration of the piece. That's just my opinion, and if you have one you should share it after reading both!