Waves (Alternate version)

Waves (Alternate version)

A Poem by Tony
"

This was my revision of the original. I decided against it, but posted it for a while to get a feel for other people's opinions.

"

 Toss me back and forth,

pull my ship  in every direction
I'm just here for the ride and
I like your lack of discretion
 
I don't know if an iceberg
will soon be in my path
I  just have to keep my eyes open
Try to throw that head back and laugh
 
The water's mostly nice, if a little cold cold cold
Every once in a while it splashes right up in your face
Through the drops, everything  look funny for a minute
But once you can see the water ahead, you wanna, you  wanna, you wanna jump in it
 
 
It doesn't look so bad from out here
 
 
It doesn't look so bad from out here
 
 
On land you can never be this free
Only jumping in can make you see 

© 2008 Tony


Author's Note

Tony
My revision stemmed from the opinion that most people wouldn't feel the form of the poem. I wanted to give it a more aesthetic structure, but it takes away from the true frustration of the piece. That's just my opinion, and if you have one you should share it after reading both!

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Added on December 6, 2008
Last Updated on December 6, 2008

Author

Tony
Tony

Aurora, IL and New York,, NY



About
Writing this here and now, I'm 19 years old. But that will probably change before this self-description does. I have no background or experience with writing, aside from the scribbles I've collected .. more..

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