such an interesting piece...has such movement in it's beat, and being more about not moving, being apathetic....letting things just happen----we stand too idle these days, i believe...we need more voices to be raised in defiance of what we have become as a society....
nicely done here.
powerful.
j.
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
Coming from you, Sir Jacob, tis a compliment of the highest accord... You are still one of the best .. read moreComing from you, Sir Jacob, tis a compliment of the highest accord... You are still one of the best writers on here, thank you, sincerely...
I somewhat agree with Iron Horseman. The beginning didn't capture me, but, hell yes, that final stanza, did. This is good writing.
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
Thanks so much, Grinder... I feel the same as you both, this was lyrics... So the first part is more.. read moreThanks so much, Grinder... I feel the same as you both, this was lyrics... So the first part is more about the sound then message... So I am glad my end wrapped nicely...
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that title absolutely grabbed me ..had to check it out! love reding your rap out loud to myself ..the music of your words and tempo changes seem effortless ..and oh my..one can get a whole lot of head into just about anywhere in your lines and phrases .. simply enjoyed the sound of the "Alaskan Savage" as i feel a chill of the tundra run through me ... gonna jump off on one of the tropical islands shooting by if i can ;)
E.
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
Seeing as this IS an actual rap out loud, I am glad to hear someone is enjoying its dissonance.... V.. read moreSeeing as this IS an actual rap out loud, I am glad to hear someone is enjoying its dissonance.... Very much appreciated, Einstein, thank you
Sorry, my friend, the first part of this did not grab me at all; I just thought it was trying too hard.
But then I got down to this:
"Hollow on Saturn...
The rings are vapor craters that are tapered for able-daters
I'm a saber ravin' a raven raidin' a labor haven
Craven vampire cravin' a safer empire
An umpire says safe pavement but its fake diamond
The rough slimin' abidin' hidin' tridents violent
Try to dent a silent rhyme-in half a second
It's past eleven I'm bidin' my second second chance countin' islands as they pass "
This is truly awesome! If it were mine, I would make this a standalone work in its own right! Love it!
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
Nah, I love the honesty, especially from a real reader... Thank you, and this was a rap piece, the f.. read moreNah, I love the honesty, especially from a real reader... Thank you, and this was a rap piece, the first part is supposed to be super fast, so I can def' hear you over the not very interesting writing style, heh.... I def' loved the end, as well
I guess I need to get back into this now summer is officially over! :)
7 Years Ago
I know right... Perhaps it is time for my return on a more regular basis... Have kept my writing to .. read moreI know right... Perhaps it is time for my return on a more regular basis... Have kept my writing to myself in the hopes it would accomplish more progression... I was half right... Hah
7 Years Ago
Lol! Stay in touch, my friend. I will post some more stuff soon - if I can get my head working again.. read moreLol! Stay in touch, my friend. I will post some more stuff soon - if I can get my head working again!
Were, or are you working on rhyming, or possinbly multi syllables? can see how this could be great training too. i ought try this out as well. anyhow, i really enjoyed the rhyming. i find that it makes it much more fun to read, to play with words in all..
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
Aye, mate, lots of training and practice for actually spitting my verses and such... Plus, like you .. read moreAye, mate, lots of training and practice for actually spitting my verses and such... Plus, like you said... I just like to freakin rhyme, heh... Thanks very much, and you SHOULD... Nothing helps writing more than extensive pushing of ones boundaries