Emulating Stars of Maybe

Emulating stars of maybe in May, hey baby, ray stuns and gravy

I'm alive and unfettered bravely

I'm better than wetter dogs with rabies, a slave to crazy, still jive and raving

Dime shot on sight, creeping hog tied up tight, and I'm slightly light in the pockets

Mark-it and hearken, steady ready caulk-it

Off-it like rockets I'm parkin' and stalkin' on foot at the market

I stray when I pursue loose grooves with my pick...

No-stop-it

Can't slick-pin her, hoppin' to the sloppin', and next target is barkin'

I'm farther than a garden guarded by sovereign guardians pawin' 'n' slobberin' 

Lower than drains clogged with pain runnin' on sugar-bane

Can it tame the blame that I swing wildly like a cane

Like a similie for lame, I'm lamer than lame

Now steady aim and pray we can coast today, mope and sway

Lay to rest grace, but sashay when slain

Sass and flame?

Hah...

Might as well use our brains.

Use our lanes to go nowhere, or somehere I never know, but something has to flow

Indeed it knows the deed of rose, and crows that fold and blow on slopes

The corpse is coarse, of course I'm morose

The host is boasted roast, and I'm hoisting oats to make up gropes in the dark

I'm not dark I swear I'm far from it, an ark of ravens slayin' carpets

Now the pavement calls me, need a beat-back symphony to make it...

No problem

You lay the six by me, and I'll do the farmin'

Just remember...

No sobbin' 

Reviews

[Richard McLin]

Love the line about being better than wet dogs with rabies.

This is a great piece. another one that just proves what a poetry force you are. I love writing poetry, and a few of my pieces are some of the best things I've written, but I can't force it, and it can be tricky to come up with new poems. Reading your work is truly inspiring. Thank you for that. Great job.
-Richard

[apennylate]

Thanks so much! Sorry it has taken a minute to reply! Been away for a while. Glad to be an inspiration!

[Kesha]

"Can it tame the blame that I swing wildly like a cane
Like a similie for lame, I'm lamer than lame"

I really loved those lines, I'm lamer than lame too haha! Wonderful write here :)

[apennylate]

Hah, I think we can all feel pretty lame sometimes... Thank you, Kesha, for the appreciation. I loved that line as well

[Kesha]

Yes, that is completely true.. you're welcome :)

[Anjali]

A very good poem... TBH I started reading your poem but mid-way I was singing it. Great job Silente. 😘👍

[apennylate]

That is the greatest thing I could possibly hear! It is supposed to be sang, so... Thank you! Hah

[Sandipta$]

Well penned..........nice

[apennylate]

Thank you, Sand

[Sandipta$]

Sandy 😡........

[apennylate]

I apologize...! Sandy the Magnificent...!

[Sandipta$]

It's ok..... Sil

[apennylate]

Seeing as lots of people have called me that, I am not sure if you are trying to insult me now, or giving me allowance to shorten your name... Either way, Sand it is.....

[Sandipta$]

M not insulting.... Short name.... N it means... SIL-safety integrity level

[apennylate]

I meant no insult, either, just love sand, hah... Safety-integrity-level sounds more awesome, though...

[Sandipta$]

Hn... See good in all things.. U ll get more awesomeness

[apennylate]

I do enjoy awareness, but good in all things... That is a tall order...

[Raven Moonchild]

Fellow metalhead, I dub thee.......SUPER MEGA AWESOME!!!!! :D (throws horns) As always, your work has blown my mind away. :D

[apennylate]

Thank you, Raven, you always cheer me up with the metalish enthusiasm...

[Raven Moonchild]

And thank you for sharing more of your brilliant mind, dude. :)

[Priyanshi]

As usual, great flow of words , and a beautiful poem here. I loved it.

[apennylate]

As usual, I enjoyed the review, thank you

[Priyanshi]

Haha..my pleasure.

[Paul Grimsley]

Check out musehickpublications.com - if you are interested, send me something.

paul

[apennylate]

I shall, Paul, thank you very much

[Hebe]

Captivaing words to discribe moving on.. ;) you have serious imagination !! great words..

[apennylate]

I appreciate the time and support, Hebe, thank you

[Anna]

I love the flow! Just like all your poems it was beautifully written

[apennylate]

Thank you, Anna, glad you enjoyed

[Ethan]

Grammar corrections/optional edits:

Emulating stars of maybe in May, hey baby, ray stuns and gravy
I'm alive and unfettered bravely
I'm better than wetter dogs with rabies, a slave to crazy, still jive and raving
Dime shot on sight, creeping hog tied up tight, and I'm slightly light in the pockets
Mark-it and hearken, steady ready caulk-it
Off-it like rockets I'm parkin' and stalkin' on foot at the market
I stray when I pursue loose grooves with my pick...
No-stop-it
Can't slick-pin her, hoppin' to the sloppin', and next target is barkin'
I'm farther than a garden guarded by sovereign guardians pawin' and slobberin'
Lower than drains clogged with pain runnin' on sugar-bane
Can it tame the blame that I swing wildly like a cane
Like a similie for lame? I'm lamer than lame
Now steady aim and pray we coast today, mope and sway
Lay to rest grace, but sashay when slain
Sass and flame?
Hah...
Might as well use our brains.
Use our lanes to go nowhere, or somehere I never know, but something has to flow
Indeed it knows the deed of rose, and crows that fold and blow on slopes
The corpse is coarse, of course I'm morose
The host is boasted roast, and I'm hoisting oats to make up gropes in the dark
I'm not dark I swear I'm far from it, an ark of ravens slaying carpets
Now the pavement calls me, need a beat-back symphony to make it...
No problem
You lay the six by me, and I'll do the farmin'
Just remember...
No sobbin'

Comments:

I made very few changes to your original piece, mostly because it's impossible to substitute many other words in without losing the flow of what you already have going here. I love this poem, for a lot of reasons. First, your writing seems intensely nostalgic. It's not something that can really be put to words, but if you've heard the surrealist album, "In the Aeroplane Over the Sea," then you know what I'm talking about. Second, the meter and flow of your poems are great. It's like riding a supremely fun and structured poetic rollercoaster. While you change the rhythm many times over, nothing really jumps out and surprises the reader. It all feels very natural. I would start trying to avoid cutting words short with the apostrophes as it becomes just a tad redundant sometimes. But when used tastefully, it's extremely effective. Overall, great job. I loved it.

[apennylate]

I will say, you changed a few key things with the editing... Not bad, friend, not exactly as intended, but that is the fun of seeing others view on things... I have not heard that album, guessing I might have to now, hah... Meter and flow are important, and I practice A LOT of freestyle... So it becomes pretty natural... I love changing rhythm, glad you enjoyed... The feelings you get are the ones I go for, so that is warming to know... I am not the most avid fan of the cutting of words, either, just do it for my OCD head when spitting it out loud, heh... Overall, thank you so much for the fantastic review, maybe I should be bringing my next unedited piece to you... Seems you have more ideas for them than I do...! Thank you again, friend