Sledgehammer Disaster (Title by YumnaKay)

A piece I had edited by YumnaKay...

A tapestry forever falling 

to the sound of paper gravity.

 

I was never more than rabies 

​... ​

lined with sanity.

My clouded rubies secluded me 

from daily activity.

Riddled with active limited abilities,

my simplicity is inherently a durability,

because -- when breath deserts me, 

I'm left; wretched 'n' berzerking,

earning the gurneys 

that burn me with disin

​f​

e

​c​

tant.

When slurping at the chemicals 

like weapons that be jerkin'...

My tensions etched 'n' blessed 

... in dirt lessons.

I'm the essence 

of murkin' denizens of burden.

I'm earnin' nothin' 

as beat-back humbling turns ~ worse.

Cursed and reverting to 

sledgehammer disaster a last hit and ---

I'm hammered ~ of 

​

worth.

Author's Note

Like the title and description say... YumnaKay is the sole editor of this one... I just wrote it all in a big block of words... Might be seeing more of her editing skillz on my work soon... Enjoy!

Reviews

[A little flame]

This is a beautiful piece, so full of emotions and you sumed it up perfectly with that last line. "hammered~of worth." I have felt this many times but, I was affected in a less aggresive manner, I think. More like, slowly being drained or cracking little by little under pressure until everything inside breaks free. This is why I love reading people's work. I love hearing how other people experience emotion, because we're all affected differently. Thank you for sharing your heart with us!

[apennylate]

No problem, Flame, thank you for so kindly relating... It fills my heart with warmth to know you took something from this

[Mr.Writer]

An action packed, engaging poem Silente!
I really enjoyed reading this, and great job Yumna for editing Silente's poem to improve it!
Well done guys, keep it up!

[apennylate]

Thanks, Writer, an improvement on the wall it was, it is... A great one at that

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I wouldn't say I improved the poem, rather I probably improved my editing skills :) lol sorry for butting in :p

[Mr.Writer]

No problem Silente! :)
Oh lol np Yumna, well editing is definitely a skill as well :)

[apennylate]

How dare you bring your smiley faces here, Yumna... This is a conversation between men who would never use... Oh wait... Mr. Writer is using smileys as well?! Oh nuuu... I have been betrayed...

[Mr.Writer]

Haha Silente :D
Sorry?! Lol

[Dr. YumnaKay]

haha oh lol seriously I should practice using less smileys :p lol okay last one ;P

[apennylate]

Rofl... But...

[apennylate]

:) ;) :p :P :XD

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I thought men didn't use those :p

[apennylate]

It was the dog

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Nice excuse, Maestro :P lol jk ;P

[apennylate]

How did you know the dogs name?

[Dr. YumnaKay]

hahah I didn't really know dogs were given this much respect in the West :P

[apennylate]

Rofl... What are you saying... You do not worship dogs where you come from...? They told us that was normal here... uh-oh...

[Dr. YumnaKay]

uggh well dogs are kinda not the thing here to keep as pets... not really.. but cats are... although I don't like either of them lol

[apennylate]

... My entire soul was shattered with that statement... How could you not love fuzzy, lovable fur-babies...! Arghhhhh...

[Dr. YumnaKay]

errrr but you already know that lol :P seriously how can you make someone like animals unless they want to? ... :p

[apennylate]

I did not know that publicly, though, and publicly I have to have the same reaction I had privately...
It is the principle of the matter, rofl...
I can drown you in puppies and kittens... If you do not want that... Well... Who would not want that... A MONSTER!

[apennylate]

Case settled

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Then I'll be settled on being a... monster lol ;P

[apennylate]

I would feel bad, but my snuggly kitties and puppeh are telling me to banish you to the wastelands with the other monsters... Hahahahaha

[Mr.Writer]

Savage Silente :P

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I daresay there are too many like me 😛😉

[Mr.Writer]

You're one in a kind Yumna lol

[Mr.Writer]

one of a kind*

[Dr. YumnaKay]

:p nah, I know some who are my kind ;) my real world friends that is ;) 😛

[Mr.Writer]

Lol, haha :D

[Surya]

Perfect lines I seen here....It is like succeeding in piercing a web of dangers and waving a hi...I liked it...:)

[apennylate]

Thank so much, Surya, it means a lot to hear

[Carol Cashes]

"...I was never more than rabies
​... ​lined with sanity."
These lines are perfect...and describe my own state of mind too many times to count.
I could copy/paste and comment on each and every line, so I will just say that this is one of your best, in my opinion. I'm gettin' too old for this but...*bowing* *groan* (Now, help me back up...)

[apennylate]

Eh, I do not know about that one, Carol... Was one of hundreds of thrown-away writings... Thank Yumna for reviving it... Hearing you say it is one of my best makes me question my own ability to judge my work, though... Aha... Thank you... *Helps up*

[Carol Cashes]

Yumna didn't write the words, she helped you put them in cohesive and articulate order. I was clumsy with my review, but my opinion still stands, this is quite good. And thanks for helpin' an ol' lady keep some dignity by not fallin' face first...

[apennylate]

Well... The order was mine... Lol, she just put punctuation on it... But thank you, I do not mean to be difficult... I just find lots of issues with my own writing in most cases...

[Carol Cashes]

Honey, of course you do, artists are tormented and conflicted souls that cry out in the dark night...*ahem*...you're not difficult. You're an artist. 'Nuff said.

[apennylate]

I am a non-difficult artist, not a cry-baby in the night? I shall keep this in mind next time I walk in the sunshine, hah

[Einstein Noodle]

this reminds me of "outcasts" and "untouchables" ... and what it does to dim their jeweled gifts ... and through so many beat downs something very worthy is forged ...... "I'm hammered ~ of ​worth."
i read a lot of potential danger as well ... such treatment can backfire one day when anger is unleashed ...that is what i read anyway ..probably way off base :}
E.

[apennylate]

Why thank you, Einstein... Glad you see that in this... I had trashed the write, so I am not the most positive on the meaning... Not that I ever am to begin with... But Yumna revived it, so whatever you take from it, I consider good!

[Einstein Noodle]

:) ........................