Sledgehammer Disaster (Title by YumnaKay)

A piece I had edited by YumnaKay...

A tapestry forever falling 

to the sound of paper gravity.

 

I was never more than rabies 

​... ​

lined with sanity.

My clouded rubies secluded me 

from daily activity.

Riddled with active limited abilities,

my simplicity is inherently a durability,

because -- when breath deserts me, 

I'm left; wretched 'n' berzerking,

earning the gurneys 

that burn me with disin

​f​

e

​c​

tant.

When slurping at the chemicals 

like weapons that be jerkin'...

My tensions etched 'n' blessed 

... in dirt lessons.

I'm the essence 

of murkin' denizens of burden.

I'm earnin' nothin' 

as beat-back humbling turns ~ worse.

Cursed and reverting to 

sledgehammer disaster a last hit and ---

I'm hammered ~ of 

​

worth.

Author's Note

Like the title and description say... YumnaKay is the sole editor of this one... I just wrote it all in a big block of words... Might be seeing more of her editing skillz on my work soon... Enjoy!

Reviews

[A little flame]

This is a beautiful piece, so full of emotions and you sumed it up perfectly with that last line. "hammered~of worth." I have felt this many times but, I was affected in a less aggresive manner, I think. More like, slowly being drained or cracking little by little under pressure until everything inside breaks free. This is why I love reading people's work. I love hearing how other people experience emotion, because we're all affected differently. Thank you for sharing your heart with us!

[apennylate]

No problem, Flame, thank you for so kindly relating... It fills my heart with warmth to know you took something from this

[wordman]

sounds like a total journey through a state of depression,great write,powerful write
yumma kay did a great job as well

[apennylate]

Thank you, Man of Words... Means a good deal to hear your take on it, and a good take it is...

[Raven Moonchild]

Dude, the depth of this poem is amazing!!!! :D (throws horns in salute)

[apennylate]

*Throws horns back*... Thanks, Raven of the Moon

[Sofia]

Wow! It's amazing.. pretty good..and very well penned..I like the rhyming of the first four lines...the editing is also very good..overall I liked it very much :)

[apennylate]

Thank you, Sofia...! Alwyas a pleasure to hear from such an enthusiastic and talented young writer such as yourself

[Sofia]

You're most welcome...I'm honored by your words..thank you so much :)

[Poetic Beauty]

The last three lines sum up this piece well and hit you in the face sledgehammer style.

[apennylate]

Hahaha, yes, yes they do... Thank you, Poetic

[Priyanshi]

Well, she has edited very well...great work by you, Silente. Keep on writing.

[apennylate]

I appreciate that, Priyanshi, yes she did... Thank you very much

[Priyanshi]

My pleasure.

[emipoemi]

You have another gem here, Sil, your rhymes still do their frantic all-over-the-place style that distinguishes you from other poets. Love the way it flows and the final joke is golden. Well done!

[apennylate]

Thank you, Em, your words are always looked forward to... A golden review

[Vasilees Sybissyl]

This is not a poem, it's a voyage of interesting concepts. It's woven together so well! The words all come together with the main idea really well. Keep it going!

Love,
Vasilees.

[apennylate]

Thanks very much, Vasilees... This is not a review, it is a voyage of appreciation... Thanks again!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

"because -- when breath deserts me,
I'm left; wretched 'n' berzerking,"

I guess this was the part which I found the most tricky to edit. Your piece, like every other, always astounds me...
I did have fun editing this one. Here's to hoping more will follow :))
Would it be blowing my own trumpet if I said that this is a beautiful piece of writing? :p
Maybe I'll settle on saying that I love your word choices ;) :)

[apennylate]

I think that was my favorite part of the edit...! Blow that trumpet as much as you would like... It is a beautiful and deserved blare! I love your editing skillz, and here's to more... Cheers'

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Um thank you (?)
Your writes do have a huge part in honing that skill :)
Cheers :))

[apennylate]

You asked if it was okey to blow your own trumpet.... If any questions exist... I would ask yourself, lmao, but regardless... You are most welcome

[aj milton]

This is a painful read (descriptively).

I am not quite sure how much is self inflicted or externally derived, but sure as hell - I don't want to feel like the narrator!

[apennylate]

No, I would not wish it on most... Thank you very much, A.J...