Before Metaphors

Before the metaphors and metal forged

I sat ignored and lonesome

alone and broken

Groanin' in an ocean of token defeat

rote motions

dead feet

My feats retreat

bleeding dreams and fleeced sheep

eaten lacking wheat

a sheath for elite meat treats and bleep heaps

Driven deeper steeper

hear her cry when satellites fly

I sit outside and mind my own business

but in this bees nest I'm best before checks in reality

I'm a liability

to the masks of sentimental sentinels

brandishing fundamental finality on the mantle of rivalry

Sodden grease and I follow she

all of me

falling free

solemn freeze

I'm free-falling asleep 

Author's Note

Enjoy...!

Reviews

[Dr. YumnaKay]

And after finding metaphors we seem stuck and confused on which to use lol
This was brilliant, Silente! Each line of your poem stands alone, I think...

[apennylate]

I appreciate that, Yumna...! That seems to be my issue lately... What to use...

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Ditto, D! Lol 😶😛
You're welcome :)

[Carol Cashes]

I've always struggled with poetry, both the writing of it and the reading. This. Now, this I loved. The symbology was POWERFUL and the cadence was smooth. Yeah. Just...yeah.

[apennylate]

Yeah... Just yeah.... I loved reading that, lol... You flatter me, Carol... Thank you very much for taking time out of your usual genre of interest...

[duff]

Hahaha, this is dope! You crushed it. It has a crazy unorthodox rhythm to it. It's almost a little toned down but polished up and by far one of my favorites of yours. The opening line sets the stage. Clean execution and my kind of reading. Hell ya man.

[apennylate]

Thank you very much, Duff... It was absolutely polished a bit more in terms of clarity... Good eye...

[duff]

Anytime my friend

[apennylate]

Yeah, sorry, man... Had a buncha life attack me at once... We gotta kick some freestyles around...!

[Kesha]

Bleeding dreams and fleeced sheep...absolutely loved that line!! This is sick and has a great rhythm and flow to it..

[apennylate]

D'aw, thanks, Kesha... Means a lot coming from such a snazzy horror writer...!

[Kesha]

You are very welcome & thanks :)

[A little flame]

Excellent rythm in this one. I loved the ending, especially.

[apennylate]

Thanks so much, Little Flame, it means a lot coming from a writer like yourself...

[A little flame]

You are most welcome! That comment just made my day.

[Suzanna]

I love where this begins, but I get lost within the need for rhyme. "my feats retreat," "eaten lacking wheat" ... Huh? Is there a central theme?

[apennylate]

Usually not much of what most would call a "central theme" in my poems, I mean... Maybe a few of them... But in most instances... I focus much more on flow landscape and syllable shape... But 99 percent of the time, I usually have a semblance of a feeling for what is being free-styled... Thank you so much for appreciating the start... That was my favorite part!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

metaphors are a way for us as poets to tell a story within a story...to mask the reality in a sense...it's still a way for us to get out emotions and sit by the side, uninvolved, so to speak.

this has a solemn but true flow with the in rhyme...rhythm that seems to fall towards the end of the poem with perfect momentum.
j.

[apennylate]

Another wonderful way of saying the thoughts that run behind the background of frame... You have a way of phrasing things, Jacob.... Thank you very much... That is why abstract is my favorite, it tends to not leave the writer very vulnerable, but the most vulnerable, at the same time...

[Jes' Pi]

My reviews are never long, so will review your poem with just a word: "beautiful".

[apennylate]

I appreciate the weight of simplicity... Thank you, Pi...

[Rubein Geterminah]

Metaphor..... the speaker is seen in a state of destitute, pondering over emotions of regrets for experiences of the past; for which she feels she can liberty from by thinking.

[apennylate]

An excellent and well articulated sense on this one, Rubein... Thank you...

[Allen Smuckler]

Before I fell a sleep... and still before thought... I just loved the way each word slithered off my tongue and through my lips...your combination and use of(often in the same word), alliteration, consonance and assonance, riddled this poem with excitement and anticipation. The sounds were musical and triggered various emotions. it was playful, distinctive and witty. Terrific write, Silente.

[apennylate]

Oh, wow, Allen... I had no idea what "consonance" or "assonance" was before you said this... Thank you for the lesson, hah, and thank you even more for appreciating this so much... This review was distinctly witty and triggered quite the smattering of pride from me... Terrific insight, and musically inclined, I always am... Thank a third time, Allen...

[Allen Smuckler]

You're welcome Silente ... just keep on keeping on...

[apennylate]

I shall try, you as well, hah