Before Metaphors

Before the metaphors and metal forged

I sat ignored and lonesome

alone and broken

Groanin' in an ocean of token defeat

rote motions

dead feet

My feats retreat

bleeding dreams and fleeced sheep

eaten lacking wheat

a sheath for elite meat treats and bleep heaps

Driven deeper steeper

hear her cry when satellites fly

I sit outside and mind my own business

but in this bees nest I'm best before checks in reality

I'm a liability

to the masks of sentimental sentinels

brandishing fundamental finality on the mantle of rivalry

Sodden grease and I follow she

all of me

falling free

solemn freeze

I'm free-falling asleep 

Author's Note

Enjoy...!

Reviews

[Richard McLin]

Fantastic, another great read from a great writer.
-Richard

[apennylate]

Thanks so much! Sorry it has taken a minute to reply! Been away for a while.

[hiding]

I'm speechless. I dig this.

[apennylate]

Thanks so much! Sorry it has taken a minute to reply! Been away for a while.

[marilyn 1225]

very nice!! i like your rhymes and also sentimental sentinels great stuff

[apennylate]

Thanks very much, appreciated, I liked that line...

[Jimmy Yetts]

Word usage, off the charts; nearly bewildering.
Starkly unique imagery.
A stunning read!

[apennylate]

A stunning review, Thank you so much, Jimmy... Especially for making me laugh earlier with your work, hah...

[Lydia Shutter]

Interesting wordplay here. Good vocabulary, but I truly do not know what you are trying to say. Sorry. Lydi*

[apennylate]

A good sum of my poems are a "tad" abstract, mostly personal metaphors... Thank you for appreciating, Lydia...! No need to apologize, whatever you want them to say... They say, hah

[Cecelia A. Green]

Again with the great rhymes!

[apennylate]

Thanks...!

[Decidious wind]

A lot of vivid and unclear images have been painted into my mind. Well done!

[apennylate]

Thank you very much...!

[Poetic Beauty]

This piece is full of vivid imagery

[apennylate]

Equally, this review is full of vivid words, thanks very much, Poetic.

[JeremyH]

the flow is superb. The imagery and metaphor are to be aspired too by most other "amateur" poets. yet you achieve this level of vivid fluidity with almost alarming consistency and ease. very well done and thought provoking.

[apennylate]

Thank you, Jeremy, it means a lot coming from such a talented artists as yourself...

[The Iron Horseman]

I like the way this is laid out kind of looks like an anvil! This is probably your most accessible work yet, but still full of vivid images. Great stuff!
One suggestion if you want it. In the line ' I'm a liability for the masks of sentimental sentinels brandishing fundamental finality on the mantle of rivalry...' I would change the last word to 'banality' because it just clidks better with 'reality'. Try it and see what you think.

[apennylate]

Actually... I like that, hah, thanks for the new word... It is def' better in this instance, I would have to agree... Thank you for the constructive insight, Iron... I appreciate it

[The Iron Horseman]

You're very welcome, my friend. I'm glad you liked the idea.