Feels Like Forever...

Woke up this morning, feels like forever since the mourning of your name...

In shame I hid tethered to fame, a blind grain of sand against a slimy flame

I'm gaining momentum like rain, a zany feelin' bein' clean

weaning myself off the draining lifestyle, my grind paid in dreams

My time stood-still, feels like December when your clever weather was stormy

I grew gills and stormed on... 

A starship trooper in September, I ran around in embers

no space vacuum in dust, I grin and shoulder on

In my holster a wand, it sings songs about wrongs

atrocities gonged through the city, a bong hit of infinity

I stare behind me and see her one last time in the rust of spaces left between us

I know she will not see this, I'm just a bleeding creature...

So whisper feels like forever

...Leave it

Reviews

[Chrissie Muldoon]

Oh wow.... 'feels like forever since the mourning of your name...' sets us up perfectly for what you're feeling, and immediately hits as well, because all of us have--- in some way or another--- mourned someone's name and what that name means (or meant) to us.
Just brilliant.

[apennylate]

Thanks, and yes we all have, sadly.

[Sami Khalil]

Amazing and masterful leaving us wanting more of your fountain pen. I like escapism and mysticism and this surely has those gaining momentum and pondering.....:)..............

[apennylate]

Thank you so much, SK, for the mystical words splattered here... Always gaining momentum! (Hopefully...)

[Sami Khalil]

All true...You are welcome ....:).....................

[emmajoy]

A bewilderment of fantasy for me, this post!

Sometimes one reads and steps into a nothing, other times, there's no escape.. your post is one of the latter, most definitely. And more.

The beat of the poem throbs, words metered, perhaps measured to produce crazed normality (yes, happens!) and - a dervish dance! Amazing what the writers notices, ponders over and then
looks back 'in the rust of spaces left between us' - dear lord, the dust..

[apennylate]

Emma... Thank you... I have not much else to say... To be more than an escape... To inspire dust between rust, DERVISH DANCE?!... Crazed normality... (Apparently so...) The tips of my ears throb from the heat of embarrassment, haha... Dear lord, thank you for the glorious insight...

[CAPOLAVORO]

This one is s good that it allows me to feel at the same time see it.
"a blind grain of sand against a slimy flame" - sometimes we really do try to hide yet some certain tormenting flame tries to still put us out in the open with emotions of hurt deep inside making it come out.

"weaning myself off the draining lifestyle" - a heartbroken persons could do some certain wrong moves in life since the direction is nowhere to be found yet at the end part I like how the way you still manage to be brave in hiding the feelings instead of letting her see it.

Great!

-Capolavoro

[apennylate]

Your kind review, and enjoyment of my words, fills me with gratitude... Slimy flames are scary, indeed, and the drain of a selfish life can be troublesome, best to not let all see the pain across your face...

[wordman]

WELL WE NEVER KNOW ABOUT THE FLIP SIDE OF LOVE TILL IT`S TO LATE Y FRIEND

[apennylate]

Thanks, Wordman, and no, we do not...

[Mr.Writer]

This is very well worded! You described everything so well and nothing was forced! It felt like a beautiful poem to read and enjoy... :)

[apennylate]

It felt like a beautiful piece to write, as well, my friend... Thanks

[Kesha]

Wow... this was like that first breath of cold air when walking outside in December, what a wonderful piece, I really liked it. The last lines really wrapped it up nicely too!
"So whisper feels like forever
...Leave it"

I really liked that!

[apennylate]

Thanks, Ahsek! I was quite enthused over this one, had a natural feel I enjoyed...

[Kesha]

You are very welcome! Yeah I quite liked it

[andrew mitchell]

nicely written, and entertaining. some memories sweet become haunting over time.

[apennylate]

Thank you, Andrew, they do very much sour over time, sometimes...

[Namrata Nandagopal]

Wow👍
You are such a talented poet... It is really hard to make someone feel emotional and seep into works... But you make it seem so easy!
Awesome. That's the sign of a great writer👏🏻

[apennylate]

Thanks, Nam-Nan, that means so much to hear! Nothing is easy, so I am humbled to make it seem the opposite...

[Namrata Nandagopal]

Hey, you are really good at what you do, and you see, humility is a virtue possessed by those who believe that everyone, ranging from a three year old to an old person are as good as oneself. That's something I respect. Most people don't take tweens seriously, so it's very rare for someone to say that to me. Thanks, and good luck 👍🏻

[KWP]

Firstly, I am likeing the format and structure of this piece. It allows me at least an attempt at sliding in right next to you and ride gunshot for a while ... this format also allows the breath, and seeings that pranayama is indeed the force of life itself, I am grateful for the breath.

There are a few banger lines that really stick out

a bong hit to infinity (well, yes, memories, especially if one has a soda bulb straight after - this line bought back fun memories)

the rust of space left between us - I like that - I saw it - good showing description

yes, it's where you show things instead of tell (which I always do in poetry - such a bad habit) is when I get sucked in further because you have caused me to actually visualise it ...

nice one my friend X

[apennylate]

I.. Am quite overwhelmed by the insight in this, I did not know what "pranayama" was, haha... Nor had I thought of "showing" things with words, rather than just describe or sound out, or flow... Thank you so much, friend, for the wonderful thoughts you have left me to ponder... I will keep my co-pilot in mind when I write...

[Ruth]

Some dates are nothing more than memories and how those memories shape us in their names...this is beautifully woven with emotion that reaches the reader's heart :)

[apennylate]

Ahh, thank you so much, PRS... I am so very pleased with your expression of beautiful intent...