Feels Like Forever...

Woke up this morning, feels like forever since the mourning of your name...

In shame I hid tethered to fame, a blind grain of sand against a slimy flame

I'm gaining momentum like rain, a zany feelin' bein' clean

weaning myself off the draining lifestyle, my grind paid in dreams

My time stood-still, feels like December when your clever weather was stormy

I grew gills and stormed on... 

A starship trooper in September, I ran around in embers

no space vacuum in dust, I grin and shoulder on

In my holster a wand, it sings songs about wrongs

atrocities gonged through the city, a bong hit of infinity

I stare behind me and see her one last time in the rust of spaces left between us

I know she will not see this, I'm just a bleeding creature...

So whisper feels like forever

...Leave it

Reviews

[Chrissie Muldoon]

Oh wow.... 'feels like forever since the mourning of your name...' sets us up perfectly for what you're feeling, and immediately hits as well, because all of us have--- in some way or another--- mourned someone's name and what that name means (or meant) to us.
Just brilliant.

[apennylate]

Thanks, and yes we all have, sadly.

[Carol Cashes]

"when your clever weather was stormy
I grew gills and stormed on... "
Freakin' genius.

[apennylate]

Not as genius as your face...! Hah, thank you, Carol

[Dhaye]

So touching. 'Leaving' is one of my most unwanted words. But sometimes things happen and people need to move on.
I love the style of writing. Great!

[apennylate]

Agreed, and absolutely true, thank you so much for reading

[barleygirl]

I'm more of a straightforward reader & writer, so I'm not catching your every idea here . . . still, I very much love an uninhibited write like this that throws ideas together in original ways, with original expressions, etc. Your title line is a feeling I get often, so it's relatable. There's a hint of rhyming, but not in a structured way, & this contributes to the word play . . . feels like you're having as much fun with the way words SOUND, as much as what the meaning conveys.

[apennylate]

I am all for the "both sides of the coin style reviewing"... Which is what you seem to be best at, Barley. It gives the writer a feel for what might draw the attention of people outside his/her specific genre niche... Thank you so much for this structured and well-thought insight... You have a keen eye, for all that I really care about is flow landscape, which, yes... Focuses solely on sound blend and syllable shape... Thank you again, glad you enjoyed, despite the climb from usual rhyme...

[barleygirl]

I never even thought about word sounds being a big part of writing until I started on this website 18 months ago & started reading many excellent & guiding examples here! *smile*

[Krutika]

'.. in the rust of spaces left between us'
Cunning 😁
Metaphors galore! You are amazing with them.. 👍
Loved your writeup as always 😊

[apennylate]

Thanks very much, Krutika... It is satisfying to hear such praise from a noteworthy poetess...

[MsJewel]

Vivid descriptions and stellar metaphors. Your talent shines in every well written line. However, what I enjoy most is your unique style. Amazing writing my friend. :) Julie

[apennylate]

Oh wow, Jewel... Your talent for beautiful articulation is apparent in how you review... Thanks so much...

[Rubein Geterminah]

That's how it is at times.
Sometimes crush or affection causes us to get attracted to others; but reexamination makes us to know our limitations.

[apennylate]

So very true, Rubein... Thank you for this wonderful insight...

[Rubein Geterminah]

You're welcome

[B]

You are extremely talented
Saying goodbye to a person or a thought
i say so much in this piece
as it becomes so difficult to just let go
Lovely piece
a work of art

[apennylate]

Thank you, Starz, a lovely review....

[Elizabeth]

I love the way how you bind words so eloquently to form an intricate piece of poetry. This poem very acutely describes the turmoil of the poet's mind. Amazing!

[apennylate]

I adore the way you bind words together for an interesting review...! Absolutely thank you, and spot-on take...

[angelina neves]

You express the lost of a love one in a very beautiful way...
we can fell that memories hurt...

[apennylate]

Thanks so much, Angelina... They certainly do... But we can always leave it...!

[Abhishek Asthana]

I guess after a while few investigators will be going to enquire that how your brain handles your imagery power...I guess that's a compliment for you... awesome piece of writing... really loved it S.S. :)

[apennylate]

Haha, A.S... That is hilarious... A team of investigators are going to determine my imagery power, eh...? A compliment, or the beginning of a scientific horror story... Lol... Thank you, means a lot coming from such a talented writer....

[Abhishek Asthana]

that won't be scientific horror story but it will be a example-setting for another young writers... in order to become a dynamic author..and sir, please stop calling me A.S... I don't deserve...I know you are addressing me deliberately...I can be AA but not AS... that's a request

[apennylate]

Oh, of course, I meant no disrespect... I shall address you as Abhishek, haha...