Daisy

Igniting the way a shade of light lights the face of lighter tidings, smaller whinings in the dark, stark fumblings in a park.

 Stop and start, lying still, her start and go heart rate accelerates drastically.

 A gel pill dated by a rascal hassles her tassels, has less than tables served for nickels earned, that rascal burned through all her coin; through all the voices in her head saying don't be turned away from graceful slathering.

 A tale of gathering woeful ailments abstractly, ad-lib crazy, exactly.

 Yes.

 No.

 Maybe...

 "Yes that a-way", says the master with tails wrapped around Daisy's deadly hide-a-way. 

Sapped faster of razed singularity, a depth of depravity wavers, savors the ingenious aroma of genius philosophy.

 Layered stones around Daisy's tighter place, stoned moanin' higher paced

Reviews

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

My head is running around with this- the beat and musicality and flow of it has taken over my brain-Ha! Driving Miss Daisy to distraction with those "gel pills" until her tassles hassle-...Whaaaat?! I smell the genius aroma of ingenius philosophy" here for real..Excellent Wordage, imagery, all-"Yes, that a-way!" Exactly.

[apennylate]

Ooohhh... You found Daisy... One of my more loved creations... She certainly has some tough times befall her, hah... Exactly... Thanks for the crazy unique review, like always, Annette

[Sinbulvinter]

Wow, you are really talented. Have a way with words that feels mystical. I really like your style. =)

[apennylate]

Thanks, Ms. Sin, I appreciate the praise from such a gifted writer...

[Sinbulvinter]

No problem.
Thanks for calling me a gifted writer. haha.

[apennylate]

Of course! Is my pleasure...

[wordman]

you are a genius,yes,no,maybe

[apennylate]

Haha, maybe, possibly, who knows... Thanks Man of Words...

[wordman]

you are welcome !

[Weeping willow]

Love the way you expressed this poem and played with the words;-]

[apennylate]

Thank you, WW, I am fond of playful expressionism...

[JPDonelan]

Well, that was interesting; not entirely certain what to make of it. Now would probably be the time for me to note that I am not much on poetry, so do take my feedback with that in mind.
I would like to note that I found some of the wordplay rather enjoyable, while other sections I found to be intriguing in their description.

After some thought, the only real comment I have to make has to do with the first line. In it, you use the words "light", "lights", and "lighter" in fairly quick succession.

Before I finish, I must ask (to determine if I picked up on the correct thread): What was the subject of the poem?

That said, an interesting piece with some interesting word play.

[apennylate]

The "subject" is Daisy, and the woes, strife, and overall blight life and death throw at her... Thank you so much for the thoughtful review, and I would be more than happy to explain my thinking on that line...

If taken out of context, "light", "lights", and "lighter", are indeed the same word.

If we were to perhaps break it down...

*Igniting the way a shade of 'light'* (Presumably, since shade was used as a descriptive, we might assume it has something to with a tone, or color)

*...a shade of light 'lights' the face* (Here we can assume it is illuminating the face with our tone of 'light')

*...of lighter 'tidings'* (Tidings can mean news, so we could assume 'lighter tidings, could possibly mean "nicer news")

You could get a few trains of thought rolling on most of these, this was just how I see it... Hope I was helpful... Thanks again!

[JPDonelan]

I now realize I had actually failed to put down my actual point about the use of "light" and its derivatives. Reminded why I try not to bounce around. My point was not about what they accomplished, which I did get.
If I'm recalling my thinking, I was trying to draw attention to the repetitiveness of using three variations in such quick succession and how it could harm the writing/readability of the piece(particularly the "light lights" bit, which could also have been an accidental double typing of the intended word).
Also meant to say that part of me rather liked it, and found it a decent example of putting the various meanings to proper use, as you detailed so well above.

As for my question about the subject, your response is fair. I'll just say that there was euphemisms read into the lines that may not have actually existed or been intended. Reason I asked was to confirm that those readings were not the intended.

[apennylate]

Oh... I apologize! I feel rather silly now... Love hip hop, and use the same words for different meanings whenever I can. Never horribly concerned about presentation to my reader. (I should be, though!) Thank you, again, for expounding on your question... I do so enjoy discussion... Really... Did not mean to insult your intelligence, haha, I was confused about what you had asked... There are multiple layers, yes, to what was written... I could take you line-by-line, but that would be quite boring for you... Sometimes it is best to leave things to open-interpretation...

[JPDonelan]

Leaving things open to interpretation is certainly not a bad thing. And no need to feel silly, I am the one who didn't actually finish his thought in the original review.

[apennylate]

Hah, we shall just call this a a mutual muss-up of things... If you had any questions on any lines in particular, or anything else at all, please do not hesitate to ask!

[apennylate]

I will say, your story "Sin of Godrey", looks pretty dope... Will be getting to that when I have a chunk of time... Skimmed it thus far...

[Mr.Writer]

Very interesting and cool poem!
There were some amazing fast paced parts such as
" A gel pill dated by a rascal hassles her tassels, has less than tables served for nickels earned, that rascal burned through all her coin"
I felt it was fast paced and really liked it :)

[apennylate]

I actually did this a bit slower, but that part, yes... Was indeed fast paced... But I digress, true flow and pace comes from the reader... So I am enthused at your unique viewing on this piece... Thanks, Mr.!

[Mr.Writer]

No problem :)

[CAPOLAVORO]

"a depth of depravity wavers, savors the ingenious aroma of genius philosophy."

The best. I love the above mentioned line. This is like the positive negative fusion in daisy mind. Your words can do stand alone with rhythm and not in need of rhyming. You are indeed good Silente. Well done. :)

[apennylate]

That is my favorite line, Miss. Voro! I am quite happy with your praise... Thank you muchly!

[CAPOLAVORO]

Oh, good to know :) . Hehe You are very much welcome.

[duff]

When I read this I can feel the erosion of a soul. Standing at the crossroads of life. One of excess and indecision. Again, your work never fails to stir the mush.

"A gel pill dated by a rascal hassles her tassels"
That line is dope. Consistently slick and smooth work my friend.

[apennylate]

Thanks, Duff, I thought said line was dope, as well...

[duff]

You're welcome. I definitely dig it!

[Isabella Ivy]

I'm always transported, transpired, inspired, set a-fire! reading your stunning works. I'm not sure I follow the story, but the vitality, energy, is entirely compelling! I can't read without wanting to write! Isabella.

[apennylate]

Thank you very much, Isabella, I am glad you enjoyed it so much... I am set-a-fire myself from your review, haha...

[Isabella Ivy]

Hello! So grand :) You were missed! I.I.