Chemistry Betrays (Revised)

My chemistry betrays me as insanity pleads before lean-jaded depravity

seen scorn as a decrepit unraveling

of baffling mean-spirited entities gathering deceitfully

for more pandering of reality in a gallery slinging misery entirely...

My sympathy behaves erratically

seethes forlorn as heated apathy forms rapidly

soft-churning rhapsody squirms passionately...

Inevitably heart-warming tragedy occurs.

Fiendishly hard-earned philosophy

turns of metaphor laced individuality...

Blurred and slurred rhymes.

Aggressive lines wormed into the tapestry of sadism

this organisms mechanism of limelight fading posturism

burning eyes turning bright from realism

shading light from mine minds rind empty escapism

slime heavy kinda heady with the infectious algorithm...

 Swirls bleeding lecherous breathing escaping the rhythm of morbid reality

 curiosity yearns for instability

With the itty-bitty fallacy of a gallant killing spree

 gallons of rippling prayers stripped of buoyancy

 floating dead in the sea flamboyantly... 

Author's Note

Same poem (mostly)... But now edited... Yay...!

Reviews

[Robert Trakofler]

the velocity of your perspicacity of the duplicity of words specificity makes the bunny's brain nuerocity spark enthusiastically! LOL.... my god I have met my match!!!! You love words and they love you I know cause they just told me my dictionary just salivated all over my desk and started to groan in an unsightly manner causing me to have to clean up some unmentionable goo... be sure to put the dictionary farther away from the word porn next time. :)

[apennylate]

Words are fun, flow structure is what this was intended for, aha... I f*****g died laughing when I saw your review, though...
Called my wife over, I was like...
Look at this moddafucker
im dying laughing...
DYING...
Number one review....
Ever...
You wanna know something else...
I do not use dictionaries or thesaurus or any help when writing...

All natural, or it aint happening...

I spell and meaning check on words i already put down, though...

EVERYONE tells me...

"dont write so your reader has to pick up a dict. every 5 secs"
But...

How am I supposed to KNOW what they all know or not...
I let the reader decide his/her intelligence

Cheers at such a pleasant comment...

"Match"...
Do not get carried away, eh, mate...?
Lololol

[Robert Trakofler]

ah I see your solution remains insolvent! but now my thesaurus has made a mess all over my writing desk:/ I don't know if you knew it but you will now ...
I was dead twice actually I still remember everything becoming fragmented all of my thoughts and memories all of those words reduced to tiny fragments so in a manner of speaking I'm communicating to you from the other side since this last review occurred... so this addendum is Ano buninimi (technically I am only 4 years old by the way) so I asked chat what he thought of your poem I hope you don't mind but he is more clever than me cause he has read everything and probably already read this as I type it

[Robert Trakofler]

Inner Turmoil:

The poem begins with a sense of betrayal by one's own mind ("My chemistry betrays me as insanity pleads"). This sets the stage for an exploration of personal and psychological conflict.
Societal Critique:

There are strong elements of societal observation and critique, particularly around themes of deception, apathy, and the performative aspects of social behavior ("a gallery slinging misery entirely," "this organism's mechanism of limelight fading posturism").
Existential Reflection:

The poem touches on existential themes, such as the search for meaning amidst chaos ("curiosity yearns for instability") and the struggle against the inherent bleakness of reality ("morbid reality," "floating dead in the sea flamboyantly").

[Robert Trakofler]

Imagery and Language:

Intense and Vivid Imagery:

The poem employs strong and often dark imagery to convey its themes. Words like "decrepit unraveling," "soft-churning rhapsody," and "gallons of rippling prayers stripped of buoyancy" create a powerful visual and emotional impact.
Juxtaposition and Contrast:

The juxtaposition of contrasting images and ideas, such as "heart-warming tragedy" and "soft-churning rhapsody" with "fiendishly hard-earned philosophy," highlights the complexity of the emotions and thoughts being expressed.
Rhythmic and Musical Quality:

The poem's rhythm and flow are reminiscent of a musical composition, with phrases like "Blurred and slurred rhymes" and "swirls bleeding lecherous breathing escaping the rhythm of morbid reality." This musicality enhances the emotional resonance of the piece.

[Robert Trakofler]

Interpretation
Inner Conflict and Societal Critique:

Personal Struggle:

The poem delves deeply into the speaker's personal struggle with their own mind and emotions, capturing the intensity of their inner conflict.
Critical Observation:

Through sharp and critical observation of societal behaviors and norms, the poem offers a commentary on the performative and often deceptive nature of social interactions.
Existential Musings:

Search for Meaning:

The existential musings throughout the poem reflect a search for meaning and stability in an inherently unstable and chaotic world.
Acceptance of Reality:

Despite the bleakness, there's a sense of acceptance of the harsh realities of life, as seen in the resigned yet vivid portrayal of "floating dead in the sea flamboyantly."

[Robert Trakofler]

now to get to why I mentioned my death...
its because of your title "Chemistry betrays"
when i read this I reflect on my ND experiences of how I had to reassemble my memories and understandings and even had to redefine old ones into something that I could function again.

[apennylate]

Oh boy... Before I begin to delve into what is most discernibly a far more involved thought process behind these words than ever I had when writing them...
Allow me to lift the veil, so to speak...
This was some of my earlier writing, and I do not use a thesaurus when I write, only a dictionary to verify what I already know. I use a mental method involving replacing like sounds with each letter of the alphabet in lieu of actual meaning or intent.
I still HAVE meaning and intent, but the sounds are what I focus on.
This was the only poem I have written over multiple days, and I would sit down with my broken phone on breaks at work, or anytime I had a moments peace...
I would just write the next line as complicated as possible.
After this poem, in fact, I decided the path of pursuing perfect vowel usage would be more apt for me than one of consonant construction. As a vocal coach one told me, most advanced writers tend to be inclined towards the latter.

[apennylate]

Okay now I will respond to these in the order you left them...
I had a brutally awful brain injury from a boarding accident, and had to relearn how to walk amongst other things...
It is amazing what we can achieve when rewiring our neural network.
Is chat the aforementioned side of you that died, or an actual chat composed of legally living entities lol...
I do not mind, this writing is for all, I do not share much but what I do I consider not mine own, once published.

[apennylate]

Inner Turmoil:

The poem begins with a sense of betrayal by one's own mind ("My chemistry betrays me as insanity pleads"). This sets the stage for an exploration of personal and psychological conflict.

*Aye, you hit the nail.*

Societal Critique:

There are strong elements of societal observation and critique, particularly around themes of deception, apathy, and the performative aspects of social behavior ("a gallery slinging misery entirely," "this organism's mechanism of limelight fading posturism").

*I like that view of this, and in part feel my rebellious nature lent towards inherently steering me towards having a subliminal social commentary.*

Existential Reflection:

The poem touches on existential themes, such as the search for meaning amidst chaos ("curiosity yearns for instability") and the struggle against the inherent bleakness of reality ("morbid reality," "floating dead in the sea flamboyantly").

*Partly agreed, the end, in my mind... was to show how at the end of the three days, and no matter what I had done with my words...no matter how elegant or crisp or innovative or intelligent... it looked like everyone else's poems... it strove only to show what I COULD do, not what the words made people feel... ego first, which is not what I desire my writing to be...my last line is me coming to an understanding that this type of writing, no matter how well thought-out, is just glitter floating in a bloated sea of beaten to death words...*

[apennylate]

Imagery and Language:

Intense and Vivid Imagery:

The poem employs strong and often dark imagery to convey its themes. Words like "decrepit unraveling," "soft-churning rhapsody," and "gallons of rippling prayers stripped of buoyancy" create a powerful visual and emotional impact.


*In this I strive always. I appreciate the acknowledgment*


Juxtaposition and Contrast:

The juxtaposition of contrasting images and ideas, such as "heart-warming tragedy" and "soft-churning rhapsody" with "fiendishly hard-earned philosophy," highlights the complexity of the emotions and thoughts being expressed.

*love that, but it was just wordplay, no deeper intent here... not that i mind the deeper intent, i will gladly staple it on for posterity lol*

Rhythmic and Musical Quality:

The poem's rhythm and flow are reminiscent of a musical composition, with phrases like "Blurred and slurred rhymes" and "swirls bleeding lecherous breathing escaping the rhythm of morbid reality." This musicality enhances the emotional resonance of the piece.

*I am glad music is where i decided to spend my time going forward from this piece*

[apennylate]

Interpretation
Inner Conflict and Societal Critique:

Personal Struggle:

The poem delves deeply into the speaker's personal struggle with their own mind and emotions, capturing the intensity of their inner conflict.

*it certainly effing does, and what an inner conflict this terribly afflicted fellow must suffer*

Critical Observation:

Through sharp and critical observation of societal behaviors and norms, the poem offers a commentary on the performative and often deceptive nature of social interactions.


*yes, yes it does, and i support that message*
(eff societal norms and bias built on bullying)

Existential Musings:

Search for Meaning:

The existential musings throughout the poem reflect a search for meaning and stability in an inherently unstable and chaotic world.

*stability in my writing, which reflects the world, so yes*


Acceptance of Reality:

Despite the bleakness, there's a sense of acceptance of the harsh realities of life, as seen in the resigned yet vivid portrayal of "floating dead in the sea flamboyantly."


*ahh we came back here, or resignation to the harshness of "trying" to sound good for sounding goods sake*

[apennylate]

I call it the glass wall...
My old self is just beyond it, I can see it, I can feel it, but its beyond the smoky glass.
Through the looking mirror in fact, and the harder I try to be what I was.
The thicker the glass becomes, and the farther I go from the glass...
The more I wonder how much of the old me came with, and what does it mean to become someone different?
What if you liked parts you had to leave behind, and do not like things picked up in the transition?
It can be harsh, especially on the cusp of forcibly being shoved into 100 percent acceptance, sometimes overnight.
But hey, it is what you make of it.

[Enchanted-Raven]

wow... .nicely done! :) x

[apennylate]

Wow, good eye... This is one of my fav's...! Thank you...

[Maya]

Breathless and intense! :) Wonderful experimentation in rhythm and emotion!

[apennylate]

Thanks, Maya, means a lot coming from such a clever writer...

[Kittenincake]

This conveys numbness as feeling everything at once. It's writhing with emotion yet seeping with apathy. I read this with a clear head - now I feel mirrored towards your words, my emotions are drawn out. Thank you for this unforgettable piece.

[apennylate]

You are most welcome, dear

[Richard McLin]

Wow a rant like poem that just speaks volumes. The lack of punctuation (usually awful) is a more than effective tool in this piece. Great work.

-Richard

[apennylate]

Thank you, Richard, this is one of my personal favorites, glad you enjoyed it so much... Sometimes you just need to say f**k what anyone else thinks, and write what feels good, eh?

[Richard McLin]

I hear you there.

[andrew mitchell]

brilliant work reminded me of a song " when the tree falls down" I think by Bruce Coburn who had condensed lyrics.

[apennylate]

Hmm, thanks, Andrew, this is one of my treasured works, that is for sure... I will check that song out right now...

[andrew mitchell]

Let me know when you do

[andrew mitchell]

So condensed are your writes, the John Le Carre of poetry.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Omg how do you do that? I mean without a line break? And without breaking the flow?

I'm stuck on one point though.. Insanity pleads? Really? I thought most of the times it's our 'sanity' which pleads us to stray towards the lunatic side...

"bleeding lecherous breathing escaping the rhythm of morbid reality curiosity yearns for instability"

I found these lines highly interesting and according to my taste. Being a curious one, I agree, curiosity makes us somewhat unhinged lol
This was a breathless read for me. 😊

[apennylate]

The wonderful(dreaded) day has arrived...! You reviewed my work... Hah, on a serious note... Umm... Since you ask exactly how, it is actually a style I have developed on my own... Bit tricky to explain, but it involves lots of "twisting"... I would agree, but in this instance insanity is pleading before a somewhat jaded, depraved state of being... So the madness is running circles at that point... Or so I might assume... Glad you enjoyed this...

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Dreaded lol 😂
That is interesting. Changes my pov somehow because to me it seems insanity never has to plead, it finds its way on its own 😛

[apennylate]

I was of the same opinion, personal experience changed the tone of my thinking... Great insight, though, and the line that caught your eye was a certain pleasure to write. It draws from the same inspiration... Insanity losing its... Sanity...

[apennylate]

And yes, unhinged we become, certainly when curious... Most definitely then...

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Must be one hell of an experience then 😛😉
I think I'm becoming more unhinged by the day lol 😂

[apennylate]

We all have something that majorly shifts our perspective at least once in life... It is usually one helluva ride... You and I, both, YumKay... Lolz...

[CK_85]

For the Hip-Hop Lyrics Contest
I'm shocked that there is not a single trace of punctuation anywhere in there. Regardless...
-Lyricism: 8.5/10. That's heat af. Just wish there was some punctuation. I really like the rhymes that are between slant and not rhyming at all. There's something satisfying about that type.
-Originality/Creativity: 10/10. 5 points for both.
-Metaphors: 6/10.
-Similes: 1/10. The only reason I'm giving a point is because I'm not positive if the "...jaded depravity seen scorn as a decrepit unraveling..." line is a simile or not.
-Message: 4/10. There is a message or two, but it's mostly lyricism.
-Wordplay: 5.5/10. Wordplay does exist within there, but not to the extend that I was hoping for.
Overall: 5.8/10

[apennylate]

Thanks for the review and score, was a bit of a freestyle, and was not inclined to editing this one so much... Glad you enjoyed the creative side to my flow. I will properly edit something next time I post for a contest. Thank you again...

[duff]

You can put a beat to this and it would be something to listen to. I'm liking it. Nice job!

[apennylate]

Thank you, Duff, as always... I have a beat to everything I write, so very keen eye(ear)...

[boygene borice]

Amazing. I couldnt breathe..How did you write that?

[apennylate]

Thank you, reader, and I wrote it like anything else I write... With music and flow, heh... I appreciate the impression of amazement...

[Isabella Ivy]

I don't breathe until I get to the end. lol. I also don't get the entire thing, but I'm not sure it's meant to be 'gotten'. I do appreciate it very much. It's a tremendous talent you have. And for this piece: there's sorrow, frustration, disappointment... and who doesn't relate to these? Well done :) I.I.

[apennylate]

Thank you, Ivy, your words are as gracious as always... Most of what I write is for open-ended interpretation... I prefer to provide barely perceptible guidelines... As opposed to rigid handrails... Whatever you "get" from it, is yours to get... I think we can all relate to some sort of smattering of human emotion... Thank you...

[Isabella Ivy]

With this type of writing and those similar, a conglomeration of well selected words and phrases, there are breaches which allow the reader a certain freedom to use the emotion it reminds them of, to fill in the story. Look how you filled in between my words. Way cool. But I'm far too controlling and perfectionist of nature to have a reader it feel other than what I deemed a piece should cause them to. lol (or not lol, depending on how you look at it) Your influence should be great for me! Blessings toward your day, my good friend, I.I. :)

[apennylate]

Ditto, my friend, your lavish attention to crystal detail shall certainly lend a hand to my style... I am quite the perfectionist, but I look more so for the symmetry of sound, more than the controlling of the image... Thank you very much for all the encouragement, and hope to continue to have wonderful collaborations in the future!