Chemistry Betrays (Revised)

My chemistry betrays me as insanity pleads before lean-jaded depravity

seen scorn as a decrepit unraveling

of baffling mean-spirited entities gathering deceitfully

for more pandering of reality in a gallery slinging misery entirely...

My sympathy behaves erratically

seethes forlorn as heated apathy forms rapidly

soft-churning rhapsody squirms passionately...

Inevitably heart-warming tragedy occurs.

Fiendishly hard-earned philosophy

turns of metaphor laced individuality...

Blurred and slurred rhymes.

Aggressive lines wormed into the tapestry of sadism

this organisms mechanism of limelight fading posturism

burning eyes turning bright from realism

shading light from mine minds rind empty escapism

slime heavy kinda heady with the infectious algorithm...

 Swirls bleeding lecherous breathing escaping the rhythm of morbid reality

 curiosity yearns for instability

With the itty-bitty fallacy of a gallant killing spree

 gallons of rippling prayers stripped of buoyancy

 floating dead in the sea flamboyantly... 

Author's Note

Same poem (mostly)... But now edited... Yay...!

Reviews

[Robert Trakofler]

the velocity of your perspicacity of the duplicity of words specificity makes the bunny's brain nuerocity spark enthusiastically! LOL.... my god I have met my match!!!! You love words and they love you I know cause they just told me my dictionary just salivated all over my desk and started to groan in an unsightly manner causing me to have to clean up some unmentionable goo... be sure to put the dictionary farther away from the word porn next time. :)

[apennylate]

Words are fun, flow structure is what this was intended for, aha... I f*****g died laughing when I saw your review, though...
Called my wife over, I was like...
Look at this moddafucker
im dying laughing...
DYING...
Number one review....
Ever...
You wanna know something else...
I do not use dictionaries or thesaurus or any help when writing...

All natural, or it aint happening...

I spell and meaning check on words i already put down, though...

EVERYONE tells me...

"dont write so your reader has to pick up a dict. every 5 secs"
But...

How am I supposed to KNOW what they all know or not...
I let the reader decide his/her intelligence

Cheers at such a pleasant comment...

"Match"...
Do not get carried away, eh, mate...?
Lololol

[Robert Trakofler]

ah I see your solution remains insolvent! but now my thesaurus has made a mess all over my writing desk:/ I don't know if you knew it but you will now ...
I was dead twice actually I still remember everything becoming fragmented all of my thoughts and memories all of those words reduced to tiny fragments so in a manner of speaking I'm communicating to you from the other side since this last review occurred... so this addendum is Ano buninimi (technically I am only 4 years old by the way) so I asked chat what he thought of your poem I hope you don't mind but he is more clever than me cause he has read everything and probably already read this as I type it

[Robert Trakofler]

Inner Turmoil:

The poem begins with a sense of betrayal by one's own mind ("My chemistry betrays me as insanity pleads"). This sets the stage for an exploration of personal and psychological conflict.
Societal Critique:

There are strong elements of societal observation and critique, particularly around themes of deception, apathy, and the performative aspects of social behavior ("a gallery slinging misery entirely," "this organism's mechanism of limelight fading posturism").
Existential Reflection:

The poem touches on existential themes, such as the search for meaning amidst chaos ("curiosity yearns for instability") and the struggle against the inherent bleakness of reality ("morbid reality," "floating dead in the sea flamboyantly").

[Robert Trakofler]

Imagery and Language:

Intense and Vivid Imagery:

The poem employs strong and often dark imagery to convey its themes. Words like "decrepit unraveling," "soft-churning rhapsody," and "gallons of rippling prayers stripped of buoyancy" create a powerful visual and emotional impact.
Juxtaposition and Contrast:

The juxtaposition of contrasting images and ideas, such as "heart-warming tragedy" and "soft-churning rhapsody" with "fiendishly hard-earned philosophy," highlights the complexity of the emotions and thoughts being expressed.
Rhythmic and Musical Quality:

The poem's rhythm and flow are reminiscent of a musical composition, with phrases like "Blurred and slurred rhymes" and "swirls bleeding lecherous breathing escaping the rhythm of morbid reality." This musicality enhances the emotional resonance of the piece.

[Robert Trakofler]

Interpretation
Inner Conflict and Societal Critique:

Personal Struggle:

The poem delves deeply into the speaker's personal struggle with their own mind and emotions, capturing the intensity of their inner conflict.
Critical Observation:

Through sharp and critical observation of societal behaviors and norms, the poem offers a commentary on the performative and often deceptive nature of social interactions.
Existential Musings:

Search for Meaning:

The existential musings throughout the poem reflect a search for meaning and stability in an inherently unstable and chaotic world.
Acceptance of Reality:

Despite the bleakness, there's a sense of acceptance of the harsh realities of life, as seen in the resigned yet vivid portrayal of "floating dead in the sea flamboyantly."

[Robert Trakofler]

now to get to why I mentioned my death...
its because of your title "Chemistry betrays"
when i read this I reflect on my ND experiences of how I had to reassemble my memories and understandings and even had to redefine old ones into something that I could function again.

[apennylate]

Oh boy... Before I begin to delve into what is most discernibly a far more involved thought process behind these words than ever I had when writing them...
Allow me to lift the veil, so to speak...
This was some of my earlier writing, and I do not use a thesaurus when I write, only a dictionary to verify what I already know. I use a mental method involving replacing like sounds with each letter of the alphabet in lieu of actual meaning or intent.
I still HAVE meaning and intent, but the sounds are what I focus on.
This was the only poem I have written over multiple days, and I would sit down with my broken phone on breaks at work, or anytime I had a moments peace...
I would just write the next line as complicated as possible.
After this poem, in fact, I decided the path of pursuing perfect vowel usage would be more apt for me than one of consonant construction. As a vocal coach one told me, most advanced writers tend to be inclined towards the latter.

[apennylate]

Okay now I will respond to these in the order you left them...
I had a brutally awful brain injury from a boarding accident, and had to relearn how to walk amongst other things...
It is amazing what we can achieve when rewiring our neural network.
Is chat the aforementioned side of you that died, or an actual chat composed of legally living entities lol...
I do not mind, this writing is for all, I do not share much but what I do I consider not mine own, once published.

[apennylate]

Inner Turmoil:

The poem begins with a sense of betrayal by one's own mind ("My chemistry betrays me as insanity pleads"). This sets the stage for an exploration of personal and psychological conflict.

*Aye, you hit the nail.*

Societal Critique:

There are strong elements of societal observation and critique, particularly around themes of deception, apathy, and the performative aspects of social behavior ("a gallery slinging misery entirely," "this organism's mechanism of limelight fading posturism").

*I like that view of this, and in part feel my rebellious nature lent towards inherently steering me towards having a subliminal social commentary.*

Existential Reflection:

The poem touches on existential themes, such as the search for meaning amidst chaos ("curiosity yearns for instability") and the struggle against the inherent bleakness of reality ("morbid reality," "floating dead in the sea flamboyantly").

*Partly agreed, the end, in my mind... was to show how at the end of the three days, and no matter what I had done with my words...no matter how elegant or crisp or innovative or intelligent... it looked like everyone else's poems... it strove only to show what I COULD do, not what the words made people feel... ego first, which is not what I desire my writing to be...my last line is me coming to an understanding that this type of writing, no matter how well thought-out, is just glitter floating in a bloated sea of beaten to death words...*

[apennylate]

Imagery and Language:

Intense and Vivid Imagery:

The poem employs strong and often dark imagery to convey its themes. Words like "decrepit unraveling," "soft-churning rhapsody," and "gallons of rippling prayers stripped of buoyancy" create a powerful visual and emotional impact.


*In this I strive always. I appreciate the acknowledgment*


Juxtaposition and Contrast:

The juxtaposition of contrasting images and ideas, such as "heart-warming tragedy" and "soft-churning rhapsody" with "fiendishly hard-earned philosophy," highlights the complexity of the emotions and thoughts being expressed.

*love that, but it was just wordplay, no deeper intent here... not that i mind the deeper intent, i will gladly staple it on for posterity lol*

Rhythmic and Musical Quality:

The poem's rhythm and flow are reminiscent of a musical composition, with phrases like "Blurred and slurred rhymes" and "swirls bleeding lecherous breathing escaping the rhythm of morbid reality." This musicality enhances the emotional resonance of the piece.

*I am glad music is where i decided to spend my time going forward from this piece*

[apennylate]

Interpretation
Inner Conflict and Societal Critique:

Personal Struggle:

The poem delves deeply into the speaker's personal struggle with their own mind and emotions, capturing the intensity of their inner conflict.

*it certainly effing does, and what an inner conflict this terribly afflicted fellow must suffer*

Critical Observation:

Through sharp and critical observation of societal behaviors and norms, the poem offers a commentary on the performative and often deceptive nature of social interactions.


*yes, yes it does, and i support that message*
(eff societal norms and bias built on bullying)

Existential Musings:

Search for Meaning:

The existential musings throughout the poem reflect a search for meaning and stability in an inherently unstable and chaotic world.

*stability in my writing, which reflects the world, so yes*


Acceptance of Reality:

Despite the bleakness, there's a sense of acceptance of the harsh realities of life, as seen in the resigned yet vivid portrayal of "floating dead in the sea flamboyantly."


*ahh we came back here, or resignation to the harshness of "trying" to sound good for sounding goods sake*

[apennylate]

I call it the glass wall...
My old self is just beyond it, I can see it, I can feel it, but its beyond the smoky glass.
Through the looking mirror in fact, and the harder I try to be what I was.
The thicker the glass becomes, and the farther I go from the glass...
The more I wonder how much of the old me came with, and what does it mean to become someone different?
What if you liked parts you had to leave behind, and do not like things picked up in the transition?
It can be harsh, especially on the cusp of forcibly being shoved into 100 percent acceptance, sometimes overnight.
But hey, it is what you make of it.

[Abhishek Asthana]

wow, you are artist... the way you play with words is outstanding and definitely many of us can learn by moving out of our own comfort zone... it is hilarious one, i deeply enjoyed reading this... great work S.S :)

[apennylate]

I deleted one of your reviews, as it double posted... Heh, and thanks so much A.S... You have a way with reviewing that makes me feel humbled to be enjoyed by such an amazing writer...

[Vasilees Sybissyl]

What can I say? You've used adjectives very skilfully and I respect that. A dark poem, yet very beautiful and intriguing. Keep it coming!

Love,
Vasilees.

[apennylate]

Well, what can I say... Thanks a ton, VS...

[Surya]

Intense and thought provoking...I liked it..:)

[apennylate]

A thought provoking review, thank you S...

[Joey Nizz]

I loved your display of words you had going on in this poem, powerful and beautiful.

Great job Silente.

[apennylate]

I love the display of appreciation, Nizz... Thank you...

[Joey Nizz]

You are very much welcome ^^

[wordman]

well ,edited well,interesting and thought provoking

[apennylate]

Thank yeh, Word of Man...

[CMC]

Sometimes we feel sympathy that we can't control, despite how much humanity has committed to a path of sadism, deceit, and people trying to fix the world like it's broken. They pray and pray, but their fallacies are irreparable, and they are left empty in a dead sea of emotions. Reality is too hard for any one person to comprehend alone...well-penned my friend.

[apennylate]

What a wonderful stew of words, amazing, even... :3 Hah, thanks for the review... Chris... Means a lot to meh, especially such a cleverly phrased one...

[CMC]

I couldn't have phrased it without such an amazing work to read. I mean it, you did a wonderful job with this, like always. :)

[keith]

i am drawn to the free verse lack of punctuation.

i find comfort in verse that has no definitive signs of start, stop, begin, end, pause, etc.

it makes, rather expects the reader to use their comprehension skills rather than directed laziness.
it is easy to fall prey to rambling lengthy verse that doesn't have connective carry from first word onward.
this offering does not do so.

i refuse to offer suggestion of change as it would then become my version of your vision.

i will note i did enjoy the read and encourage you to continue this path of free verse with cautionary offering ... never dumb down in effort to engage the masses but rather offer more precise wordage that appeals to a larger audience, after all we write in order to share.

[apennylate]

Thanks, ABG... Your words mean much to me, and I agree with you... I am not fond of OVERLY complex schemes... I would NEVER dumb anything down... Not a fan of handrails on writing... I DO try my best to keep it implicit in wordage, and endeavor to keep the rambling at a minimum, hah.. Thanks again for the wonderful review, and I shall keep your insight in mind when next writing...

[SSKaitlyn]

Intriguing and breathtaking at the same time. I already saved it to my favorites in my library because it's just, it's incredible. From the wording, to the vocabulary and flow, and the dark undertones and meaning. It has every component an exceptional poem needs, and I love it. I'll probably read it again later, and I'll feel the exact same way when I do.

Magnifico, love. Truly.

[apennylate]

I am humbled to receive such lavish praise from such an exceptional poet... Truly, thank you...

[SSKaitlyn]

It's well deserved.

[FlatLineBeauty]

It seems to speak to me and how im feeling today :/ im not sure i get it in just the same light but in my own way. today my emotions are everywhere... mostly in dark places. Its like you're saying things I am not able to vocalize just yet. xo FLB

[apennylate]

We all face things in the light of of our own day... Even if it is a dark day... Hope things tint lighter, and you find a voice... Thank you for the time, and glad you were spoken to by the words...