Chemistry Betrays (Revised)

My chemistry betrays me as insanity pleads before lean-jaded depravity

seen scorn as a decrepit unraveling

of baffling mean-spirited entities gathering deceitfully

for more pandering of reality in a gallery slinging misery entirely...

My sympathy behaves erratically

seethes forlorn as heated apathy forms rapidly

soft-churning rhapsody squirms passionately...

Inevitably heart-warming tragedy occurs.

Fiendishly hard-earned philosophy

turns of metaphor laced individuality...

Blurred and slurred rhymes.

Aggressive lines wormed into the tapestry of sadism

this organisms mechanism of limelight fading posturism

burning eyes turning bright from realism

shading light from mine minds rind empty escapism

slime heavy kinda heady with the infectious algorithm...

 Swirls bleeding lecherous breathing escaping the rhythm of morbid reality

 curiosity yearns for instability

With the itty-bitty fallacy of a gallant killing spree

 gallons of rippling prayers stripped of buoyancy

 floating dead in the sea flamboyantly... 

Author's Note

Same poem (mostly)... But now edited... Yay...!

Reviews

[Robert Trakofler]

the velocity of your perspicacity of the duplicity of words specificity makes the bunny's brain nuerocity spark enthusiastically! LOL.... my god I have met my match!!!! You love words and they love you I know cause they just told me my dictionary just salivated all over my desk and started to groan in an unsightly manner causing me to have to clean up some unmentionable goo... be sure to put the dictionary farther away from the word porn next time. :)

[apennylate]

Words are fun, flow structure is what this was intended for, aha... I f*****g died laughing when I saw your review, though...
Called my wife over, I was like...
Look at this moddafucker
im dying laughing...
DYING...
Number one review....
Ever...
You wanna know something else...
I do not use dictionaries or thesaurus or any help when writing...

All natural, or it aint happening...

I spell and meaning check on words i already put down, though...

EVERYONE tells me...

"dont write so your reader has to pick up a dict. every 5 secs"
But...

How am I supposed to KNOW what they all know or not...
I let the reader decide his/her intelligence

Cheers at such a pleasant comment...

"Match"...
Do not get carried away, eh, mate...?
Lololol

[Robert Trakofler]

ah I see your solution remains insolvent! but now my thesaurus has made a mess all over my writing desk:/ I don't know if you knew it but you will now ...
I was dead twice actually I still remember everything becoming fragmented all of my thoughts and memories all of those words reduced to tiny fragments so in a manner of speaking I'm communicating to you from the other side since this last review occurred... so this addendum is Ano buninimi (technically I am only 4 years old by the way) so I asked chat what he thought of your poem I hope you don't mind but he is more clever than me cause he has read everything and probably already read this as I type it

[Robert Trakofler]

Inner Turmoil:

The poem begins with a sense of betrayal by one's own mind ("My chemistry betrays me as insanity pleads"). This sets the stage for an exploration of personal and psychological conflict.
Societal Critique:

There are strong elements of societal observation and critique, particularly around themes of deception, apathy, and the performative aspects of social behavior ("a gallery slinging misery entirely," "this organism's mechanism of limelight fading posturism").
Existential Reflection:

The poem touches on existential themes, such as the search for meaning amidst chaos ("curiosity yearns for instability") and the struggle against the inherent bleakness of reality ("morbid reality," "floating dead in the sea flamboyantly").

[Robert Trakofler]

Imagery and Language:

Intense and Vivid Imagery:

The poem employs strong and often dark imagery to convey its themes. Words like "decrepit unraveling," "soft-churning rhapsody," and "gallons of rippling prayers stripped of buoyancy" create a powerful visual and emotional impact.
Juxtaposition and Contrast:

The juxtaposition of contrasting images and ideas, such as "heart-warming tragedy" and "soft-churning rhapsody" with "fiendishly hard-earned philosophy," highlights the complexity of the emotions and thoughts being expressed.
Rhythmic and Musical Quality:

The poem's rhythm and flow are reminiscent of a musical composition, with phrases like "Blurred and slurred rhymes" and "swirls bleeding lecherous breathing escaping the rhythm of morbid reality." This musicality enhances the emotional resonance of the piece.

[Robert Trakofler]

Interpretation
Inner Conflict and Societal Critique:

Personal Struggle:

The poem delves deeply into the speaker's personal struggle with their own mind and emotions, capturing the intensity of their inner conflict.
Critical Observation:

Through sharp and critical observation of societal behaviors and norms, the poem offers a commentary on the performative and often deceptive nature of social interactions.
Existential Musings:

Search for Meaning:

The existential musings throughout the poem reflect a search for meaning and stability in an inherently unstable and chaotic world.
Acceptance of Reality:

Despite the bleakness, there's a sense of acceptance of the harsh realities of life, as seen in the resigned yet vivid portrayal of "floating dead in the sea flamboyantly."

[Robert Trakofler]

now to get to why I mentioned my death...
its because of your title "Chemistry betrays"
when i read this I reflect on my ND experiences of how I had to reassemble my memories and understandings and even had to redefine old ones into something that I could function again.

[apennylate]

Oh boy... Before I begin to delve into what is most discernibly a far more involved thought process behind these words than ever I had when writing them...
Allow me to lift the veil, so to speak...
This was some of my earlier writing, and I do not use a thesaurus when I write, only a dictionary to verify what I already know. I use a mental method involving replacing like sounds with each letter of the alphabet in lieu of actual meaning or intent.
I still HAVE meaning and intent, but the sounds are what I focus on.
This was the only poem I have written over multiple days, and I would sit down with my broken phone on breaks at work, or anytime I had a moments peace...
I would just write the next line as complicated as possible.
After this poem, in fact, I decided the path of pursuing perfect vowel usage would be more apt for me than one of consonant construction. As a vocal coach one told me, most advanced writers tend to be inclined towards the latter.

[apennylate]

Okay now I will respond to these in the order you left them...
I had a brutally awful brain injury from a boarding accident, and had to relearn how to walk amongst other things...
It is amazing what we can achieve when rewiring our neural network.
Is chat the aforementioned side of you that died, or an actual chat composed of legally living entities lol...
I do not mind, this writing is for all, I do not share much but what I do I consider not mine own, once published.

[apennylate]

Inner Turmoil:

The poem begins with a sense of betrayal by one's own mind ("My chemistry betrays me as insanity pleads"). This sets the stage for an exploration of personal and psychological conflict.

*Aye, you hit the nail.*

Societal Critique:

There are strong elements of societal observation and critique, particularly around themes of deception, apathy, and the performative aspects of social behavior ("a gallery slinging misery entirely," "this organism's mechanism of limelight fading posturism").

*I like that view of this, and in part feel my rebellious nature lent towards inherently steering me towards having a subliminal social commentary.*

Existential Reflection:

The poem touches on existential themes, such as the search for meaning amidst chaos ("curiosity yearns for instability") and the struggle against the inherent bleakness of reality ("morbid reality," "floating dead in the sea flamboyantly").

*Partly agreed, the end, in my mind... was to show how at the end of the three days, and no matter what I had done with my words...no matter how elegant or crisp or innovative or intelligent... it looked like everyone else's poems... it strove only to show what I COULD do, not what the words made people feel... ego first, which is not what I desire my writing to be...my last line is me coming to an understanding that this type of writing, no matter how well thought-out, is just glitter floating in a bloated sea of beaten to death words...*

[apennylate]

Imagery and Language:

Intense and Vivid Imagery:

The poem employs strong and often dark imagery to convey its themes. Words like "decrepit unraveling," "soft-churning rhapsody," and "gallons of rippling prayers stripped of buoyancy" create a powerful visual and emotional impact.


*In this I strive always. I appreciate the acknowledgment*


Juxtaposition and Contrast:

The juxtaposition of contrasting images and ideas, such as "heart-warming tragedy" and "soft-churning rhapsody" with "fiendishly hard-earned philosophy," highlights the complexity of the emotions and thoughts being expressed.

*love that, but it was just wordplay, no deeper intent here... not that i mind the deeper intent, i will gladly staple it on for posterity lol*

Rhythmic and Musical Quality:

The poem's rhythm and flow are reminiscent of a musical composition, with phrases like "Blurred and slurred rhymes" and "swirls bleeding lecherous breathing escaping the rhythm of morbid reality." This musicality enhances the emotional resonance of the piece.

*I am glad music is where i decided to spend my time going forward from this piece*

[apennylate]

Interpretation
Inner Conflict and Societal Critique:

Personal Struggle:

The poem delves deeply into the speaker's personal struggle with their own mind and emotions, capturing the intensity of their inner conflict.

*it certainly effing does, and what an inner conflict this terribly afflicted fellow must suffer*

Critical Observation:

Through sharp and critical observation of societal behaviors and norms, the poem offers a commentary on the performative and often deceptive nature of social interactions.


*yes, yes it does, and i support that message*
(eff societal norms and bias built on bullying)

Existential Musings:

Search for Meaning:

The existential musings throughout the poem reflect a search for meaning and stability in an inherently unstable and chaotic world.

*stability in my writing, which reflects the world, so yes*


Acceptance of Reality:

Despite the bleakness, there's a sense of acceptance of the harsh realities of life, as seen in the resigned yet vivid portrayal of "floating dead in the sea flamboyantly."


*ahh we came back here, or resignation to the harshness of "trying" to sound good for sounding goods sake*

[apennylate]

I call it the glass wall...
My old self is just beyond it, I can see it, I can feel it, but its beyond the smoky glass.
Through the looking mirror in fact, and the harder I try to be what I was.
The thicker the glass becomes, and the farther I go from the glass...
The more I wonder how much of the old me came with, and what does it mean to become someone different?
What if you liked parts you had to leave behind, and do not like things picked up in the transition?
It can be harsh, especially on the cusp of forcibly being shoved into 100 percent acceptance, sometimes overnight.
But hey, it is what you make of it.

[Dreambound]

"Inevitably heart-warming tragedy occurs."
That burn in your chest when you ache, love, hurt and wish, all at the same time?

[apennylate]

Wow, Dream... What a dreamy, and quite spot-on take... Thank you...

[The Iron Horseman]

Love it! This made me laugh! I don't know if that was your intent, but the flamboyant imagery and pulsating rhythmic rhyming scheme made me want to pull out my bass guitar and give it a bass riff! Great imagination and totally original.

[apennylate]

Pulsating rhythmic madness... I dig the heck outta your view on this, and more importantly... I dig the musical need to release beat... If you want to, def' slap the strings a bit, hah... Great review, and totally original... Thank you much, Iron...

[The Iron Horseman]

You're welcome.

[Layla]

I'm envious of your vocabulary. I love this poem. The imagery and wording are spot-on. Fantastic work.

[apennylate]

Envy is the beginning of progress, in some, and in others... The beginning of the end... Love the review, thank you, Layla

[Allen Smuckler]

well constructed yet there's a sense of spontaneity throughout... loved the near/slant rhyming as well as your rhythm and form... It never felt forced or contrived...only critique I might offer is the line "Blurred and slurred rhymes"... perhaps: rhymes that blur and slur. But that's me editorializing...Not necessary at all.

[apennylate]

I like that, my friend, def' was proposed in the back of my mind. I absolutely use that line, especially when frees-styling out loud, Hah, so good catch...

[apennylate]

Thank you for the well-constructed and nicely thought out critique, truly appreciate it...!

[Ruth]

Fantastic use of wording Silente, makes me feel like I do when anxiety strikes home and the world warps somewhat...this poem is on the edge and viscerally so...superb...

[apennylate]

Fantastic warping of my mind, Silver, from the anxious perfection of your insight... Honored to have such a gifted writer appreciate this... Thank you.

[The earth (Titan maphah..]

yep lost all my thoughts and I'm thinking how is this even possible...

[apennylate]

It IS possible, Earth... Your writing is getting crazy... Your "DNA" poem is absolutely gorgeous... Keep honing your skill... If you ever want, I am more than happy to help and bounce ideas around... Keep writing, buddy...!

[The earth (Titan maphaha)]

I used to wonder how YOU do it all the time

[apennylate]

By ignoring all meaning in my poetry, and focusing instead on unique vocab', syllable shape&sound... This all determines your "Flow-landscape"... Once you get a handle on actual syllable count and rhyme, you can start to put more meaning into stuff... It is not a bad idea to just have lots of random nonsense writing... Where you do nothing but practice cascading rhyme patterns and switchbacks

[The earth (Titan maphaha)]

I have to practice rhymes too they make a poem more exciting and appealing too

[apennylate]

It is not ALL about rhyming, but yes... Well, in my mind.. It IS all about rhyming, but usually... Yes, rhymes make poems a bit more exciting and engaging

[L.C. Jarrette]

You're welcome. looking forward to your next masterpiece.

[apennylate]

You and me both, lol...

[Sinbulvinter]

Whoa, your rhyming skills and large vocabulary of words to rhyme with never ceases to amaze me. I can't imagine how much time you must take to think up such a vibrant flow and still put so much meaning in each piece. Honestly, your pieces remind me a whole lot of Sage Francis, which is one of my favorite hip hop artists. Your skill man, it just blows me away!

[apennylate]

Oh, wow... Ik him, and to be compared to Sage... What a heady compliment... Sin, and I thank you so very much... I never ever use a thesaurus when I write, and everything is a freestyle... So this took about half an hour to write, most of my stuff takes between 15-45 mins... Your praise blows me away... Thanks again...

[The earth (Titan maphaha)]

What? 15 mins with such large vocabs and crushing lines like that?

[apennylate]

Yes. I have hundreds of things like this... I rarely post 1/4 of my stuff... Heh

[The earth (Titan maphaha)]

and something i've notice is that you barely repeat a vocarbs, that is impressive...

[apennylate]

Unless it is intentional... No, I try not to, but it does happen... HOWEVER... I will mention... That I do dictionary checks in-between verses sometimes... But the reason it goes so fast is the freestyle rule I have... Not really skill, heh... I have to write 5-6 different pages of poetry before I can land on something meaningful in my abstract at times... So it def' is not fool-proof...

[The earth (Titan maphaha)]

Wow... you are one hardworking guy I have to do that too

[apennylate]

It sure does start to become easier the more you practice and write... The biggest piece of advice I have... Is to not edit or second-guess what you write... Or even, hell, write with a meaning or end in mind... Just write to write and practice rhymes... Then eventually... The free-form becomes more defined as you use lines over and over in different ways... Do not worry about ANYTHING but just getting it down...

[The earth (Titan maphaha)]

you know that was my problem "second guessing my work."

[apennylate]

Everyone does, man, we all hate and question our own stuff at some point... I just click onto a new notepad and save what I was doing if I get stuck...

[L.C. Jarrette]

reading your work has inspired me to write even more.thank you.

[apennylate]

Oh, thank you very much... L.C... That means the world to me... To know my work helps inspire more writing... That is what it is all about...!

[Farhan Shaikh]

Ahh! That's really good..i enjoyed

[apennylate]

Really good review, I enjoyed...! Thanks

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Excellent and so skillful mastery of words, ideas, rhythm and rhyme! "Gallons of rippling prayers stripped of buoyancy...floating dead in the sea flamboyantly." Tapestry of sadism, ..limelight fading posturism"-Who else can paint a picture like this? No one but you! Loved this.

[apennylate]

I am sure lots of people have artistic ability, haha... But your heartfelt appreciation warms me... Thanks so much, and you have nailed some of my favorite lines...! Good eye...!

[vanessa]

You're very talented and this is well written. I could learn a few things from you. I'm quite inspired.

[apennylate]

Thank you, Vanessa... I hope to help in any way I can, stay inspired...!