Chemistry Betrays (Revised)

My chemistry betrays me as insanity pleads before lean-jaded depravity

seen scorn as a decrepit unraveling

of baffling mean-spirited entities gathering deceitfully

for more pandering of reality in a gallery slinging misery entirely...

My sympathy behaves erratically

seethes forlorn as heated apathy forms rapidly

soft-churning rhapsody squirms passionately...

Inevitably heart-warming tragedy occurs.

Fiendishly hard-earned philosophy

turns of metaphor laced individuality...

Blurred and slurred rhymes.

Aggressive lines wormed into the tapestry of sadism

this organisms mechanism of limelight fading posturism

burning eyes turning bright from realism

shading light from mine minds rind empty escapism

slime heavy kinda heady with the infectious algorithm...

 Swirls bleeding lecherous breathing escaping the rhythm of morbid reality

 curiosity yearns for instability

With the itty-bitty fallacy of a gallant killing spree

 gallons of rippling prayers stripped of buoyancy

 floating dead in the sea flamboyantly... 

Author's Note

Same poem (mostly)... But now edited... Yay...!

Reviews

[Robert Trakofler]

the velocity of your perspicacity of the duplicity of words specificity makes the bunny's brain nuerocity spark enthusiastically! LOL.... my god I have met my match!!!! You love words and they love you I know cause they just told me my dictionary just salivated all over my desk and started to groan in an unsightly manner causing me to have to clean up some unmentionable goo... be sure to put the dictionary farther away from the word porn next time. :)

[apennylate]

Words are fun, flow structure is what this was intended for, aha... I f*****g died laughing when I saw your review, though...
Called my wife over, I was like...
Look at this moddafucker
im dying laughing...
DYING...
Number one review....
Ever...
You wanna know something else...
I do not use dictionaries or thesaurus or any help when writing...

All natural, or it aint happening...

I spell and meaning check on words i already put down, though...

EVERYONE tells me...

"dont write so your reader has to pick up a dict. every 5 secs"
But...

How am I supposed to KNOW what they all know or not...
I let the reader decide his/her intelligence

Cheers at such a pleasant comment...

"Match"...
Do not get carried away, eh, mate...?
Lololol

[Robert Trakofler]

ah I see your solution remains insolvent! but now my thesaurus has made a mess all over my writing desk:/ I don't know if you knew it but you will now ...
I was dead twice actually I still remember everything becoming fragmented all of my thoughts and memories all of those words reduced to tiny fragments so in a manner of speaking I'm communicating to you from the other side since this last review occurred... so this addendum is Ano buninimi (technically I am only 4 years old by the way) so I asked chat what he thought of your poem I hope you don't mind but he is more clever than me cause he has read everything and probably already read this as I type it

[Robert Trakofler]

Inner Turmoil:

The poem begins with a sense of betrayal by one's own mind ("My chemistry betrays me as insanity pleads"). This sets the stage for an exploration of personal and psychological conflict.
Societal Critique:

There are strong elements of societal observation and critique, particularly around themes of deception, apathy, and the performative aspects of social behavior ("a gallery slinging misery entirely," "this organism's mechanism of limelight fading posturism").
Existential Reflection:

The poem touches on existential themes, such as the search for meaning amidst chaos ("curiosity yearns for instability") and the struggle against the inherent bleakness of reality ("morbid reality," "floating dead in the sea flamboyantly").

[Robert Trakofler]

Imagery and Language:

Intense and Vivid Imagery:

The poem employs strong and often dark imagery to convey its themes. Words like "decrepit unraveling," "soft-churning rhapsody," and "gallons of rippling prayers stripped of buoyancy" create a powerful visual and emotional impact.
Juxtaposition and Contrast:

The juxtaposition of contrasting images and ideas, such as "heart-warming tragedy" and "soft-churning rhapsody" with "fiendishly hard-earned philosophy," highlights the complexity of the emotions and thoughts being expressed.
Rhythmic and Musical Quality:

The poem's rhythm and flow are reminiscent of a musical composition, with phrases like "Blurred and slurred rhymes" and "swirls bleeding lecherous breathing escaping the rhythm of morbid reality." This musicality enhances the emotional resonance of the piece.

[Robert Trakofler]

Interpretation
Inner Conflict and Societal Critique:

Personal Struggle:

The poem delves deeply into the speaker's personal struggle with their own mind and emotions, capturing the intensity of their inner conflict.
Critical Observation:

Through sharp and critical observation of societal behaviors and norms, the poem offers a commentary on the performative and often deceptive nature of social interactions.
Existential Musings:

Search for Meaning:

The existential musings throughout the poem reflect a search for meaning and stability in an inherently unstable and chaotic world.
Acceptance of Reality:

Despite the bleakness, there's a sense of acceptance of the harsh realities of life, as seen in the resigned yet vivid portrayal of "floating dead in the sea flamboyantly."

[Robert Trakofler]

now to get to why I mentioned my death...
its because of your title "Chemistry betrays"
when i read this I reflect on my ND experiences of how I had to reassemble my memories and understandings and even had to redefine old ones into something that I could function again.

[apennylate]

Oh boy... Before I begin to delve into what is most discernibly a far more involved thought process behind these words than ever I had when writing them...
Allow me to lift the veil, so to speak...
This was some of my earlier writing, and I do not use a thesaurus when I write, only a dictionary to verify what I already know. I use a mental method involving replacing like sounds with each letter of the alphabet in lieu of actual meaning or intent.
I still HAVE meaning and intent, but the sounds are what I focus on.
This was the only poem I have written over multiple days, and I would sit down with my broken phone on breaks at work, or anytime I had a moments peace...
I would just write the next line as complicated as possible.
After this poem, in fact, I decided the path of pursuing perfect vowel usage would be more apt for me than one of consonant construction. As a vocal coach one told me, most advanced writers tend to be inclined towards the latter.

[apennylate]

Okay now I will respond to these in the order you left them...
I had a brutally awful brain injury from a boarding accident, and had to relearn how to walk amongst other things...
It is amazing what we can achieve when rewiring our neural network.
Is chat the aforementioned side of you that died, or an actual chat composed of legally living entities lol...
I do not mind, this writing is for all, I do not share much but what I do I consider not mine own, once published.

[apennylate]

Inner Turmoil:

The poem begins with a sense of betrayal by one's own mind ("My chemistry betrays me as insanity pleads"). This sets the stage for an exploration of personal and psychological conflict.

*Aye, you hit the nail.*

Societal Critique:

There are strong elements of societal observation and critique, particularly around themes of deception, apathy, and the performative aspects of social behavior ("a gallery slinging misery entirely," "this organism's mechanism of limelight fading posturism").

*I like that view of this, and in part feel my rebellious nature lent towards inherently steering me towards having a subliminal social commentary.*

Existential Reflection:

The poem touches on existential themes, such as the search for meaning amidst chaos ("curiosity yearns for instability") and the struggle against the inherent bleakness of reality ("morbid reality," "floating dead in the sea flamboyantly").

*Partly agreed, the end, in my mind... was to show how at the end of the three days, and no matter what I had done with my words...no matter how elegant or crisp or innovative or intelligent... it looked like everyone else's poems... it strove only to show what I COULD do, not what the words made people feel... ego first, which is not what I desire my writing to be...my last line is me coming to an understanding that this type of writing, no matter how well thought-out, is just glitter floating in a bloated sea of beaten to death words...*

[apennylate]

Imagery and Language:

Intense and Vivid Imagery:

The poem employs strong and often dark imagery to convey its themes. Words like "decrepit unraveling," "soft-churning rhapsody," and "gallons of rippling prayers stripped of buoyancy" create a powerful visual and emotional impact.


*In this I strive always. I appreciate the acknowledgment*


Juxtaposition and Contrast:

The juxtaposition of contrasting images and ideas, such as "heart-warming tragedy" and "soft-churning rhapsody" with "fiendishly hard-earned philosophy," highlights the complexity of the emotions and thoughts being expressed.

*love that, but it was just wordplay, no deeper intent here... not that i mind the deeper intent, i will gladly staple it on for posterity lol*

Rhythmic and Musical Quality:

The poem's rhythm and flow are reminiscent of a musical composition, with phrases like "Blurred and slurred rhymes" and "swirls bleeding lecherous breathing escaping the rhythm of morbid reality." This musicality enhances the emotional resonance of the piece.

*I am glad music is where i decided to spend my time going forward from this piece*

[apennylate]

Interpretation
Inner Conflict and Societal Critique:

Personal Struggle:

The poem delves deeply into the speaker's personal struggle with their own mind and emotions, capturing the intensity of their inner conflict.

*it certainly effing does, and what an inner conflict this terribly afflicted fellow must suffer*

Critical Observation:

Through sharp and critical observation of societal behaviors and norms, the poem offers a commentary on the performative and often deceptive nature of social interactions.


*yes, yes it does, and i support that message*
(eff societal norms and bias built on bullying)

Existential Musings:

Search for Meaning:

The existential musings throughout the poem reflect a search for meaning and stability in an inherently unstable and chaotic world.

*stability in my writing, which reflects the world, so yes*


Acceptance of Reality:

Despite the bleakness, there's a sense of acceptance of the harsh realities of life, as seen in the resigned yet vivid portrayal of "floating dead in the sea flamboyantly."


*ahh we came back here, or resignation to the harshness of "trying" to sound good for sounding goods sake*

[apennylate]

I call it the glass wall...
My old self is just beyond it, I can see it, I can feel it, but its beyond the smoky glass.
Through the looking mirror in fact, and the harder I try to be what I was.
The thicker the glass becomes, and the farther I go from the glass...
The more I wonder how much of the old me came with, and what does it mean to become someone different?
What if you liked parts you had to leave behind, and do not like things picked up in the transition?
It can be harsh, especially on the cusp of forcibly being shoved into 100 percent acceptance, sometimes overnight.
But hey, it is what you make of it.

[Ana B.]

The word combinations are epic! through gallons of prayers, and desperate escape from reality we coat ourselves with an impenetrable veil of ignorance... Definitely an addition to my library :D

[apennylate]

I always welcome the insight of someone with such excellent music taste... Keep rocking the strings, and thanks so much for the drop-in...!

[Ana B.]

You're welcome :)

[Carol Cashes]

Yup. Again, the rhythm and cadence flows. "...gallons of rippling prayers stripped of buoyancy floating dead in the sea flamboyantly": genius. I totally got that...I think. Lots of people's prayers are just words and never get past the ceiling. I like your stuff, dude, and I'm not really a poetry kinda person, but you...you are a good read.

[apennylate]

Well thank you again, Carol... It means a lot to me to know I can help bend genres a bit in peoples minds.... Words CAN be capped by a ceiling... What ceiling it be that given day, I guess is the real trick of it...

[Maria]

Very intense, yet I love the feeling of it.

[apennylate]

Intense things are sometimes the most loved things, Maria... Thanks

[Brett Hernan]

Man, you can just read this without even trying to understand it one bit and it just sings with juxtaposed vowel sounds anyway!
Of course, within it are sadly beautiful, precisely placed emotionally philosophical condensations of the deepest shadow, as though we are in the furthest interior recesses of another, at the coal face of the 'mind's mine', each verbal energy forged with the perfectly chosen markers that are conveyed by all of these, this collection of flowing and desperately tragic feeling words.

[apennylate]

You nailed it, to be succinct and simplistic with my words... But in all honesty... I like how you said it, best... Haha... Thanks again for the superb insight, Brett...

[Brett Hernan]

Do you know any musicians?

If not, put up a hand-written sign at the local guitar shop advertising: 'LYRICS'.

I insist.

You should have this piece set to music.

Gustave Flaubert, once said:

"If a writer were to commit their words with absolute and complete honesty, then it would become impossible for them not to create a masterpiece"*

I think that's what They mean by, 'finding your voice', which, if you get the quote, you've already got, haven't you?

*Completely, out quote, courtesy of, lousiquote.com.

(I'll find the actual 19th century volume of de Maupassant short stories and copy the verbatim quote Flaubert made to him, from the foreword, later. (Read: 'never'').

By the way...

Thank you, too!

And...

You're welcome!

[Erudite]

I can not pretend to understand the meaning of this poem. Though, that's likely more a fault of mine than of your writing. I do like the alliteration and splashy choice of words. I've been told to avoid alliteration because it's tacky, but you, my friend, have found a niche with it. Like someone who's mastered the yo yo, you've taken something simple and honed it down to an impressive skill

[apennylate]

Seeing as I love Yo-Yo's... I will take that as a grand compliment, haha... Thank you, No Scholar, but I have to inject... That whatever meaning you find within things... Is usually the meaning right for you... I was not even aware "alliteration" was the word for this, heh... Thanks so much for the very thoughtful review.... I do enjoy honing...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

it's like delving into the mind of a mass murderer...and the things that have pushed him to the brink of the insanity...the mind breaking...the tolerance ended---even if there really is no reason---the monster is created...you delve into his mind like dean koontz gets into the head of his evil characters...then we have more of an understanding...and sometimes even a bit of sympathy for the devil..so to speak.

[apennylate]

Did you just compare me to Dean Koontz... What a friggin' amazing compliment... Thanks so much, Jacob... I am a FIRM believer in painting the blackest of characters in white and pink... Sympathy for the devil is needed, imo... Again, great review...

[B]

I love your style
this is absolutely stunning
i am baffled
this chemistry of one's heart
making the world turn
and tumble

amazing

[apennylate]

Amazing insight, Starz, and much appreciated... Thank you...

[Rimpi Saikia]

That flow of words is mind-blowing. Grace and strong vocabulary combined makes a wonderful piece, just like this!

[apennylate]

A graceful and mind-blowing review of your own, Rimpi... Thank you...

[A little flame]

A masterpiece! For me, there is no other way to describe it. This poem is simply a masterpiece.

[apennylate]

A masterpiece of appreciation, Flame, truly... Thank you...

[A little flame]

You are most welcome(:

[B.A. Radiant]

This was so enjoyable to read through. The rhythm and word use awesome. I loved how it was almost a pause in the middle with "Blurred and slurred rhymes".

[apennylate]

I love that pause as well, B.A... Thanks so much...